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Original poster

Made MIL cry?!

818 replies

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:16

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

OP posts:
Changedmymindtoday22 · 12/08/2023 10:51

If my MIL behaved likes this, my wrath would probably have been stronger.

what a dick she is.

Original poster
Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:51

@BeenThereDoneThat101
No. I didn't look for the argument.

OP posts:
seratoninmoonbeams · 12/08/2023 10:51

@BeenThereDoneThat101 yep. Looking for on here, there and everywhere too I reckon 😆

Flimflambutterbeer · 12/08/2023 10:50

She's a cow. You're a cow. You both sound childish and jealous.

Sounds like you have a lot in common and your DH chose you because you're just like his mum! Isn't that sweet? 😊

LadyPenelope68 · 12/08/2023 10:50

So what if she makes him a packed lunch, he might be your husband, but he’s still her child (even if he is an adult) and wants to do something nice for him. I think you were unpleasant and spiteful to be honest, like you were trying to get one up in her or something. It’s a very odd response from you over something so trivial.

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 12/08/2023 10:49

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:47

I think the only person being ridiculous here is a woman of 60 years who goes for an argument and then cries when she gets it, come on! DP is telling me she is hurt, this is typical manipulation from her. I am considering texting him to say I expect ab apology from her. I refuse to be like her family members, always bending to her.

So you’re 60 then OP? How old is she then? 80? 90? Because the only one looking for an argument here was you.

You owe her an apology.

headhurtstoomuch · 12/08/2023 10:48

SpamFrittersYouSay · 12/08/2023 10:35

You both sound very alike in rushing to say stupid , scathing things to each other.

Engage your brain before opening your mouth.

This

Thelnebriati · 12/08/2023 10:48

Goady people are attention seeking and annoying. She goaded you into responding, and now she 'won' that round. Apologise for being rude, and learn to grit your teeth when she starts making comments.

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 12/08/2023 10:47

She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t actually say that you don’t look after him did she? She made him lunch. Touch a nerve did it because you don’t? And “do you warm his milk for him” is just pathetic. And the final comment - could you be any more spiteful.

I don’t doubt there are some horrible MILs out there, but equally there are some bloody horrible DILs as well. We’re just expected to believe that the MIL is always the bitch by virtue of her being a MIL.

Original poster
Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:47

I think the only person being ridiculous here is a woman of 60 years who goes for an argument and then cries when she gets it, come on! DP is telling me she is hurt, this is typical manipulation from her. I am considering texting him to say I expect ab apology from her. I refuse to be like her family members, always bending to her.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/08/2023 10:47

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:36

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

That's really nice! I'd love that (assuming he shares with you)
She might think it's a woman's role to cook for men that might have been how the labour was divided in her marriage (and she's probably missing feeding her marriage)

If you're marriage is different eg you both work the same outside home then you both share the cooking at home then you can ask DH to remind her of this and ask her to stop making suggestions that you cook for him

user78262102928 · 12/08/2023 10:46

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:41

Actually what I was trying to say about being last is that she should make space for the person who will potentially be with him in his old age, but if she took it to mean to be about her death...Well that's a typical self centered view from her

No, what you were saying was “one day you will be dead and he’ll be just mine, so screw you, I win in the end”.

Its pretty bloody awful and you should apologise.

painochocolate · 12/08/2023 10:46

I think tbh you were way too harsh you've basically told her she's going to die

painochocolate · 12/08/2023 10:45

In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country do you think this is relevant?

penelopelady · 12/08/2023 10:44

You sound controlling as well, it's fine if you don't want to make his packed lunch, I don't do my DH one either but it's up to him if he wants to except one from his mother, go to McDonald's or a fancy deli.
She was trying to score points, you wanted to destroy her it was a low blow.... and one I would have done as well. Accepting I could be controlling as well was half the battle with getting to understand my mil, we just had different ways of doing it.
I find my mil is okay now I realise that my husbands role model for women was going to lead him to someone who was a bit like his mum. I will never tell him this.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/08/2023 10:44

Curtains70 · 12/08/2023 10:31

You were over the top, I always come away from my mums and MILs with food 🤣

Yes it's what they do!

Testina · 12/08/2023 10:44

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:41

Actually what I was trying to say about being last is that she should make space for the person who will potentially be with him in his old age, but if she took it to mean to be about her death...Well that's a typical self centered view from her

Oh piss off did you mean that 🤣🤣🤣
You’re making yourself look ridiculous now.

Wisterical · 12/08/2023 10:43

Excellent comeback, I despair at everyone who think it's best to placate nasty people.

thecatinthetwat · 12/08/2023 10:43

This level of babying would annoy me and she is being goady. But honestly you need to find a way to ignore it because sinking to this level won’t make you feel good in the long run. As pp, this is on your DH though, he wants to be babied.

GreekGod · 12/08/2023 10:43

Being from a Mediterranean country and married to a fellow Mediterranean for over 20 years, all I can say is why does it bother you so much what your MIL says ? I’ve learnt to just let her cook , feed her son and her grandchildren , what do I care ? Let her enjoy them. I enjoy them in my own time. She annoys me at times, she’s very controlling but she’s a MIL not my best friend - I try to keep it in perspective and I don’t want to argue with DH because of his mother - she’s not going anywhere for now and I have more important things to argue with him. I see the good and respect what she does for DH and DC. She takes a lot off my plate when she cooks for them to be honest and looked after the kids when they were little - arguing with her achieves nothing and puts stress on your relationship.

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2023 10:42

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:41

Actually what I was trying to say about being last is that she should make space for the person who will potentially be with him in his old age, but if she took it to mean to be about her death...Well that's a typical self centered view from her

If you stay together...

Doggydarling · 12/08/2023 10:42

My son is in his 30's and single, he's perfectly capable of making his own lunch (he's a better cook than me) but if I'm staying with him I'll make his lunch, not because he's lazy etc but because I want to, I love doing it, its like goings back to when he was very young and relied on me, it makes me happy. I hope any dil wouldn't get upset by this. You were mean and possibly deliberately nasty with your comment about being the last woman in his life, your mil is rather silly to imply you don't love him because you don't do enough for him but tbh if I was you I'd ask her to make my lunch too but if you said that to me I'd be quick to remind you that you might not be the last woman in his life while smiling nicely at you. Looks like your husband married a version of his mother as so many do.

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2023 10:42

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:36

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

Your issue is with him, not her.

He's the one you're in a relationship with

ZickZack · 12/08/2023 10:41

You both sound lovely 🤨

Bouncyball23 · 12/08/2023 10:41

And you may well not be his last he might get fed up of the childish arguments and you making his mum cry. His mum will always be his mum can't do anything about that!