Made MIL cry?!

I think that you were over thinking what she said to you. All parents like to make a fuss of their kids even when they are adults.

8 years in, there's no children and you're not married... I can't see this relationship lasting. So despite wat you think there's a very good chance you won't be his last, especially if you continue to treat his mother like this.

When I read it I took it to mean you’d be there after she died. What you said was awful. Just awful. Your ‘problem’ is that you’re actually jealous of the relationship your partner has with his mother. You’ve turned it into a competition. And now you’re saying you’d move away if you had a child so that she wouldn’t be able to see the child. Before you do actually conceive, make sure you tell your partner that you intend to not let your child see its grandmother. You may well find yourself single!

You started it and were downright nasty.

If I were your husband I would be really upset with you.

I am wondering if your husband would not be as attractive to you if he hated his mum?

I agree, and she's doing in in her OWN home
When her son chooses to visit her (perhaps he is visiting to get fed!)

Look, you're just playing right into her jealous hands, reacting to this shit and retaliating as if she's competition for you. She isn't. Stop fighting over him.

Ah as a mum of boys I can see both sides. Let her make him his lunch if it gives her pleasure and makes her feel good. As long as she’s ok in other ways I think. A little kindness and understanding here goes a long way. You’ll understand if you have sons.

To be honest, all three of you sound a bit odd 😆
Two grown women competing for the love of one immature man.

Keep on like that and you won’t be his last if he has any sense. And I think anyone would take her death was meant out of that comment. It’s certainly what I thought when I read it.
You don’t have children yet so maybe you will feel differently when you do. Yes it sounds like she babies him but your children are always your children. It doesn’t mean she expects you to do it or is thinking less of you. We all indulge our children.

Sounds an unnecessarily bitchy response.
Are you always yesterday prickly?

I think the MIL/DIL relationship is difficult as both want to be the matriarch/alpha female of their own family.

My MIL was well meaning and full of love for her son and the Grandchildren but I would get irritated with her fussing "Does he need a drink...."

Now she is very ill and I would love to have her back fussing over her family.

There aren't many people that will love your kids unconditionally but she is one.

I would love you for it 🥰 you sound great!

I'm with you, OP. I took your comment to mean that she may well be his mother (who was the most important woman to him when he was a child) but you're his life partner (the most important woman to him as an adult).

But she'll always be a nightmare. As per the Mumsnet trope, you don't have a MIL problem, you have a DP problem. Don't have children with him.

You can either fight with her or zone out from her irritating remarks.

I'd spend very little time with her, and stop buying into the tug of war over the bloke. You don't have to go to every argument you're invited to.

Straw that broke the camels back I expect. I've heard my MIL say "A man chooses the wife, but God chooses his mother". If you want to placate that level of intrusive power wrangling, good luck. Firm boundaries, rigidly enforced, ignor the drama. Get it clear before you have kids. She probably begrugingly respects you for it. Being popular, and respected are not the same.

OP I've read all your posts on this thread and I 'get it', even if others don't. She sounds very spiteful and manipulative. I get why you responded that way, and I would have, too. She needs putting in her place, and I think it sounds like it was long overdue she got what she dished out back. Don't fall for her crocodile tears, and don't apologise. You've don't nothing wrong but respond in kind to a very goady, nasty, spiteful b-ch.

Weird that everyone’s making a big deal about the occasional lunch making but not the fact the little man has to go and see his mummy every day.

She is ridiculous, and crying at 60 is really feeble over something like this.

I am going to guess however that she has relatively little in her life other than her children. That is of course her own tragedy, not yours.

When my son comes to visit, I tend to give him something to take home for dinner. Now he lives with his girlfriend I send some for her too. I hope she isn't secretly hating me for it!!

Clearly a lot of people on this thread can also see the implied reference to your MIL's death. No wonder she got upset.

Why do you feel the need to control what goes on between her and her son? Why do you need to needle her with comments like warming her milk?

She enjoys making him a packed lunch. He presumably enjoys eating it. But you don't like it for some reason and want it to stop? Sounds like the very definition of controlling.

If i were you I’d apologise it doesn’t matter what your intentions were at the end of the day you’ve upset her and the decent thing to do would be to apologise. When she makes him lunch be thankful you don’t have to and if she makes you feel bad for not doing it just say that why would I make him one when you make him such nice lunches. I know it’s difficult but you have to rise above. You could try to speak to your partner about how you’re feeling but honestly I don’t think it’s something to let your relationship break down over. Kill them with kindness it’s not bending you never know it might get easier.

You’re two sides of the same coin. You’re both competing to be number one in his life, even if he’s not even putting you against each other. I have sons, I’m always going to be their mamma no matter how old they are. I wouldn’t be overbearing to DiL but I would make a packed lunch or whatever else but I’d be doing it because they’re my much loved son not because I’m trying to get one over the DiL.
I’ll never stop mothering (but hopefully not smothering) them, it’s deep in my soul.

So the woman’s lost her husband and is probably missing having someone to “look after” so she makes up her son’s lunch..and you have a go at her for it. Nice, very nice 👌🏻

Maybe you won't be the last woman in his life if you've been together 8 years and he hasn't proposed to you. You sound very mean