Made MIL cry?!

YOU were the one who started the confrontation with your sarky comment about his packed lunch. Wtf is it to you if she makes him a lunch sometimes? You should apologise and stop being a dick to his mum.

You sound like a pair of six year olds. Face it, you both have different relationships with this man, neither of you is right, but neither of you is wrong, and neither of you will ever win the argument, it must be very tedious for those around you to have to listen to this petty point scoring. One of you at least needs to start acting like a grown up.

No they wouldn’t. Some women would be delighted that he cared about his mum. I certainly would.

I'd be thrilled someone else was doing the packed lunch.
Let her have some joy by providing for her son.
Does it really matter?

I think you handled that quite well to be honest Op! If there’s a history it’s hardly like OP has randomly made an unwarranted bitchy comment. Very weird of her to refer to being “the first woman in his life”. She sounds like she’s got some odd perceptions.

TBH, you both sound as weird and rude as each other.

I suggest both of you keep your distance from each other.

Didntmeanto6 · Today 11:50
@DriftingDora
Why did you bother replying if it makes you so bored?

Because I enjoy reading the innovative and deeply insightful replies from people like you.

Oh come on. Any woman would be irritated if their DP went trotting round to his mum's EVERY morning come what may, widowed or not. In fact, if that was all OP had complained about in her original post, everyone would've been on her side, guaranteed.

Very well put. We are often in a position where we bend over backwards not to interfere and then get told we don’t help enough . Being a MIL is a lose lose situation.

I would expect there has been a huge amount leading up to this one, unfortunate event. Whether it was badly worded or not, the OP is fed up being sniped at.

There are two issues here:-

1. Is the intention of MIL to snipe? Sometimes people can be thoughtless and not realise the impact of their words. Only the OP can decide.
2. It isn't likely to ever change, so the OP needs to find a way of dealing with it.

OP - she can't get your goat if she doesn't know where you tie it up. It sounds to me like there is a distinct possibility of intention to wind you up and you are fuelling it by showing it annoys you.

Sounds like he married a woman just like his mother.

I find the paradox of women spending loads of time with their mums fine but men doing it being considered weird very interesting. Anyway…..

I’m 40 and if I happen to see my Mum before work she’ll make me a packed lunch. She likes looking after people and as a full time working mother myself, sometimes it’s nice to feel looked after. Plus, her sandwiches are better than mine 😆

Reading all of your posts I think the reason you find it annoying is because you are a very jealous person who wants everything in your partners life to revolve around you and not include MIL.
Plenty of women are close to their mothers and sisters and see them every day and their partners rarely have a problem with it. And if their partners did have a problem with it everybody on here would be shouting ‘red flag’ and ‘he must be controlling’, this in no different. You are the one with the problem, not your MIL. It’s very sexist that women are ‘allowed’ to be close to their mothers and sons are not.
This situation is causing you no harm. If she was encouraging him to leave you or saying nasty things about you or summoning your partner every 5 minutes you would have a point. But this is just a lonely woman brightening up her mornings making her son a packed lunch and probably giving your partner nostalgia.

You asked for opinions but it seems you have made up your mind that you are right and she is wrong , end of .

personally I don’t see any problem with her still loving her son and doing things for him . She won’t be around for ever and he is obviously happy with the arrangement . You expect her to respect your attitude to your partnership but still have no respect for her relationship with her son .

it is not easy being a mother in law and this may come back to haunt you when you are in her position .

I think personally IMO you were rude and probably just should have had a bit more empathy for her position .

She made him lunch. Touch a nerve did it because you don’t?

Did you mean this to sound so hand maiden like?

What fresh hell @Hooplahooping is 'the language of psychology and self actualisation' that women with adult sons apparantly grew up without?
Can you spell it out please, because despite being a MiL since my 40s, so the same generation as a lot of the DiLs on MN, I haven't the first clue what you're talking about.

OP sounds awful. I hope this is not for real.

I can see how many of her comments are irritating, but your comment that you "will be the last" woman in his life was unnecessary and spiteful. It clearly refers to a point in time when you believe she will be dead. Who wouldn't be hurt by that!?

For that you should apologise because you really went too far.

You either acknowledge internally she is top dog or you end the relationship. You are both in a pissing contest, she will win.

This is me guessing, but perhaps it's because sometimes you want to sit and have a cup of tea and a chat with your partner before the day starts – or go back to bed! – but instead he's dashing out the door to go to hers. Because if he doesn't go she gives him grief about it. Because you've asked him on occasion not to go and he insists he has to, putting her needs before yours. Because know it probably won't change when you have kids. Because it's as irritating as fuck that it has to happen EVERY day.

It’s not pretending. It’s a majority opinion based on the information given in the OP’s posts. Or are we all wrong ?

Surely if you find it annoying you must know on some level why you find it annoying?

If you liked her as a person would you still find it annoying she sometimes makes him lunch? Or that he sees her for a bit each day?

It seems like you fundamentally dislike her and you're projecting that dislike onto every interaction, ready to view things as combative and escalating them instead of looking at them objectively.

As I said upthread, she absolutely didn't start this incident. She made him lunch. She's happy to. He's happy for her to. You made a snide comment, continued to escalate it and finished with what was a genuinely nasty comment that she took the way many of us did (that it was about the fact you'll still be around when she dies) and instead of saying "oh shit ok I didn't mean it like that, but I can see now it might have come across that way" you responded to people by accusing her of that reaction being self centred.

You're massively projecting the fact you dislike her into every interaction you have. It's toxic and not good for you.

What are you talking about? Mumsnet mostly hates MIL's