Made MIL cry?!

You picked him OP 🤷‍♀️

You didn’t say anything that hasn’t been thought a million and one times over, but it was really mean of you. The comment about ‘the last’ was awful even though it’s true.

I couldn’t be with my husband if he spoke to my mum or dad like that and he wouldn’t like it one bit if I did it his.

To be honest you're insulted that she insinuated that she loves him more.

Just going by your post it doesn't sound like you like him let alone love him.

I'm thinking now how it must feel to watch your children be in an unhappy relationship with someone who unkind.

Maybe you'll get closer to her, when she insists she has to move in with you in old age, and your fella is unable to say "no".

Maybe mothers do love their sons more, in fact they most certainly do. But I'm interested to know why they want to tell their sons' sexual partners this.

She didn't say "I love him more than you do" though did she? That's the subtext you read into what she said.

Just as many of us read the subtext of your 'I'll be the last' comment as being about the fact that when she dies, you'll still be around.

You said she was self centred for making that comment about her own mortality based on the subtext she read into your comment.

Are you not self centred then for making her comment about loving her son about your love for him based on the subtext you read into her comment?

Don’t think so. OP’s made herself look quite bad enough without the Mil’s input.

Why should he? Adults don’t have those type of conversations over text!

I can only go on how you've presented yourself and your MiL on this thread. You couldn't witness a woman making sandwiches for her son in her own home without telling her off. A tolerant person would not be that petty.
If there's a long list of examples that demonstrate your MiL to be in the wrong and you to be tolerant, then you have chosen a poor example here.

OP isn’t a mother. As a mother I would lay down my life for my child even when adult. Would I do the same for a husband or partner? No.

I hear you.

Whilst I think you lost control, snapped and perhaps gave her the reaction she needed to play the victim ,I can understand how these things grate on you and get under your skin.

My mil at one time was unbearable, lots of sly digs, downright nasty comments, gas lighting etc... she put the phone down and screamed at my husband when we first announced I was pregnant and when I lost it through a traumatic ectopic pregnancy she was as happy as Larry and joyful.

However as we have both matured and I have had several kids she has been a doting and loving grandmother to them particularly my oldest who looks the image of my husband.
She has started to care for me too and often buys me thoughtful gifts...we will never be particularly close and there's a lot of things we don't agree on as she's from a completely different generation ( much older mum and was told she couldn't have children until my husband came along at 40)

I just had to stop reacting and let her get on with it to a point as my husband was put in-the middle.

Rise above it and ignore it, let her show her love for her son without interference and maybe things will work out.

He knows that she isn't the problem. You are.

Ok maybe I'm misunderstanding, but I read it as the MiL was making a pack lunch for her son to bring to work. That's what I meant when I said my kids made their own lunch.
If we were eating in the house I'd make anyone lunch I'd they wanted it. Usually we all look after ourselves for lunch though.

Poor man.

Does it really matter if she makes him a packed lunch or gives him food to bring home?

She is his mum, I would have loved to have had a MIL that thought that way about her son.

It’s really not worth getting annoyed at, just ignore it and bite your tongue. Your DH obviously likes it, so let him, and as long as you aren’t acting like his mum, then who cares.

She said that she was the first woman in his life and you responded that you will be the last. However, she was stating a fact, your response is not necessarily true though, is it?

Regardless of the dynamic between the OP and MiL, judging by a number of posts on here from others I never knew until today that providing food for your adult children was creepy and weird. Christmas must be a minefield.

Making him a packed lunch is...well...probably more for her, make her feel needed.

Her PA comment about doing it because she loves him, and subsequent comment, was immature. She sounds emotionally immature. I would just accept that.

I think your response was immature too though. I think you would've been right to clarify what she meant by the comment though - was she implying that you don't love him? You decided to just play along with her silly PA game though. I would stop doing that.

Better still - don't comment at all - she likes making his packed lunch, he likes eating it - it is between the two of them.

OP has already said that he does a lot for his mum. The work he does on the house for her, as the fact that he checks in on her every day, is probably something she appreciates a lot. She probably wants to do something for him in return. Like make him some lunch.

her insinuating she loves him more

It's not a competition and doesn't need to be said out loud but... surely a mother does love their child 'more'?

You've got kids OP. You love them unconditionally right?

Whereas you've said he's welcome to end the relationship and go back to his mums to be her 'pet' if he wants to.

I mean... she does love him more!

And I think it's normal for a mum to be the person who loves their child the most. Again, not that it's a competition and it doesn't need to be vocalised. But it's weird you seem to have an issue with the fact that in principle she believes she loves him more than you do. She does.

Exactly!

I don't think bickering will help the situation.

I would avoid bringing up her relationship with her son. I mean, her making him lunch doesn't directly affect you as such.

I do find it a little strange but for the greater good I would just leave it be and try to be amicable (if you can).

So don't involve her.

OP: AIBU?

Majority: Absolutely. Yes. Of course you are!

OP: No, no I'm not.

Majority: Why ask then?

This is a really strange way of thinking.

My mum makes me lunch when I visit her if we don't go out somewhere. There's nothing intrinsically weird about it at all.

As I said unthread, you're projecting your dislike of her onto otherwise arbitrary things like someone making someone else a sandwich.

My mum would make me dinner at that age, why not? I’m sure lots of mothers make their adult children dinner or a snack. I don’t get why that’s an issue. If MiL was inviting herself on their holidays or date nights etc then that would be weird. Making food for your adult child is not weird or creepy in itself.