Made MIL cry?!

They’re not hurtful, they’re just irritating and there’s nothing wrong with OP reminding a MIL that she’s not actually married to DH even though she’s trying to behave like it.

It sounds like you’re both just rude tbh 🤷‍♀️

she started the problem by complaining about MIL making the lunches

Nope, she just pointed out to MIL he was capable of making his own. Except I doubt he is. He sounds like a massive man-baby.

My thoughts too! Or Greek.

I’ve heard many women (albeit usually rich ones) say they’re a ‘real daddy’s girl’. No man would actually say I’m a real mummy’s boy.

Exactly.

Which wouldnt have happened if you hadn't said he could make his own lunches.

Have to say, I can't see what was sooo heinous about the comment OP made, the one about being the last woman. Some of you are taking grave offence to it but I'm not sure why?
MIL: I was here before you.
DIL: And I will be here after you.

What of it?

It’s the mother who is the drama llama with all her “I love my son” and “I am the first woman in his life” I mean it’s literally Oedipus/Hamlet/Brazilian soap opera.

"OP is not coming across as unpleasant, she’s coming across as having a backbone that a of women on MN could do with."

There's having a backbone and there is having a nasty tit for tat argument that is never going to convince the other person and makes the whole situation worse.

OP could show backbone by calmly letting her MIL know her comments are hurtful (though in this case, she started the problem by complaining about MIL making the lunches), not by attacking her back in an unpleasant way.

If my MIL wanted to make my husbands lunch I wouldn’t be standing in her way. One less job for me…not that I do or would do it anyway. Really wouldn’t bother me and if it makes her happy then what’s the harm?

Read her OP again! The issue is not the sandwiches, but the dig that followed.

You're not in a competition to see who loves him most and who can prove it through the means of packed lunches. Grow up.

MIL didn't say she loved him more. She said she loved him as a mother does. You were then petty and passive aggressive with your milk comment, before basically saying she's going to die (with an implication that you can't wait because then you'll have your DH all to yourself). You can't make deliberately mean comments and then whine when your mean comments upset someone.

OP it sounds like you were really rather unkind.

Stop taking the bait, the MIL will get bored.

It seems your partner is between a rock and a hard place.

I'd defend my mum over my partner in this situation.

Yet another poster conveniently overlooking OP's opening statement that she's put up with eight years of digs from his mum inferring she's a shit homemaker and doesn't look after her son. It's amazing how you all know her MIL better than she does.

I wonder if the responses on this thread would be different if it wasn't a sandwich. If it was 'my MIL says she occasionally washes my DP's underpants when he goes round every morning and when I said he could do it himself, she said it's because she loves him.' 🤷🏻‍♀️

This comment says far more about you then the op

Why ? Just because she sometimes makes him a packed lunch ? Why does he have to enact ‘boundaries’ with his own mother, when all she’s done is shown a bit of love and care - just to please his partner ?

What? Why is on OP to form a charm offensive, MIL is not her mother. DH and MIL have an enmeshment problem and that’s for DH to sort out not OP.

MN is a forum full of confrontation-averse, peace-keeping, people-pleasers.

OP you need to ignore and rise above what you perceive to be digs at you. ... MIL saying she wants to do nice things for her son, e.g. make packed lunches isn't that strange. And she is technically correcrt with the "first woman of his life", so it was completely unnecessary to respond in such a spiteful way. If you don't learn to roll with the punches then its very big assumption that your relationship will survive for you to "be the last" regardless of MIL behaviour.

If you said what you said to my mother, and you wouldn't apologise you definitely wouldn't be the last woman. Blood is thicker than water.

Also its not for your DP to "deal with" the situation. Either you can tolerate the family dynamics in a civilised fashion, because they won't change or should reconsider if this family situation is right for you.

Maybe he’s tiring of OP and her drama llama behaviour.

Boundaries are personal.
So if he's happy and his mother is happy he doesn't need to form or hold any boundaries with her.

You come across as very obnoxious. This seems like a bit of a power play. You're trying to assert yourself and show MIL whose boss. You want DP to sort out his mother. It's his problem, and you won't be apologising. You are creating the problem. You don't need to challenge everything. It's like you're looking for a demonstration from your DP. I think you are going to be disappointed. I'd be surprised if you're this man's last love. I wouldn't stay with someone who was rude to my mum or tried to alienate me from my family.

How does it hurt you that she does packed lunches for her son??