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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disability Social Workers

113 replies

OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 08:22

When you have a severely disabled child, you are eligible for a bit of respite. If you need anything above the bare minimum level of respite, you usually need a social worker.

What this means, in some areas, is even if you have done nothing "wrong" as a parent, to get any rest you need to:

  • Agree to be on a Child in Need plan (and go to meetings)
  • "Safety score" your family at every CiN meeting, and believe it or not there is a right answer as '8' means you don't get services and '5' is child protection enquiry. Professionals also score you.
  • There is a note at the bottom of the CiN that says although it is voluntary, if you "disengage" the LA can choose to step it up to a Child Protection matter.
  • Agree to visits of your home (usually every 6 weeks) and you have to show them your child's bedroom. There is also a little box on their forms which asks if they have seen the child alone.
  • Tell every hospital you take your child to that they have a social worker.
  • The schools treat you differently (sometimes there is a big advantage to this, for example our schools remained open during strikes to children with social workers) but sometimes it comes with an extra level of sort of concealed monitoring that you can tell is safeguarding tick boxes.
  • They haven't with us, but they can and do make comments about parenting which wouldn't meet the normal "thresholds" for intervention. I know MN always says Social Care don't have time for this, but perhaps there is an exception for people already open to them?? I have several friends who have experienced this.

I hate it. It is completely humiliating and it makes me just want to run away from it all (which of course we can't because we have a social worker...) Now, I understand some of the reasons - in theory - why it's like this (disabled children are particularly vulnerable to abuse) but it also feels like using a risk factor to exert coercive control over parents who happen to have had a disabled child.

I also know many parents who don't ask for extra respite because they don't want this.

AIBU to think it shouldn't be like this?

OP posts:
BananaSlug · 12/08/2023 12:49

This is one of the reasons that I wont use respite for my daughter who is disabled as I don’t want to involve social services.

AlwaysAWoman · 12/08/2023 12:47

It really isn't that they don't care- services are disgustingly limited for families with disabled children. This is the reason I haven't joined the disability team myself. We can't do enough. Families are hugely let down.

OneInEight · 12/08/2023 12:28

And the sad thing is even when you are lucky enough to get a decent social worker they move swiftly on and you have to start the whole intrusive debacle again.

Icedlatteplease · 12/08/2023 12:27

But part of a social workers job is to assess the need for respite. You literally have complained about a social workers job. If you didn't have a social worker you would still need someone assessing for respite, which would still be intrusive whatever you called them.

I say this as a parent of a SN child on a CIN plan who has significant round the clock care needs provisioned by social services and another on a CIN plan due to the first.

Original poster
OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 12:24

Daisy232 · 12/08/2023 12:11

From my experience I have found it pot luck to even get respite put in place. I'm a single mum with a severely disabled child. I have contacted them so many times, practically begging for them to help but they just don't care. The only help my child has is in school and absolutely nothing after that. I find it so frustrating phoning them constantly to ask for some help that will benefit my child and help him going forward. But it's the same response every time that you need to be living in a crisis or they will bring it up at meetings to then never hearing another thing from them. Unfortunately it seems that the children who are most in need are the most forgotten where they are concerned. I also agree with you that the whole process is wrong. It really is humiliating the hoops your expected to jump through X

So sorry you're going through this, we had similar in the past, it's like the choice is either no help (even if you really need it, and are eligible for it) or they come bowling in during a crisis and stress everyone out with the intrusion and humiliation.

OP posts:
Daisy232 · 12/08/2023 12:11

From my experience I have found it pot luck to even get respite put in place. I'm a single mum with a severely disabled child. I have contacted them so many times, practically begging for them to help but they just don't care. The only help my child has is in school and absolutely nothing after that. I find it so frustrating phoning them constantly to ask for some help that will benefit my child and help him going forward. But it's the same response every time that you need to be living in a crisis or they will bring it up at meetings to then never hearing another thing from them. Unfortunately it seems that the children who are most in need are the most forgotten where they are concerned. I also agree with you that the whole process is wrong. It really is humiliating the hoops your expected to jump through X

Original poster
OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 11:54

@ZZpop wish I could get to this stage. My DC are younger though so maybe I have time...

OP posts:
ZZpop · 12/08/2023 11:25

I have a severely disabled teenager (autism, learning disability and challenging behaviour)and in the main I have learned to let SS 'carry on' wash over me. A lot of disability SW are pretty clueless about parenting a disabled child and are old fashioned/ not up to date in the best way of supporting the child's needs.

Original poster
OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 08:53

Soontobe60 · 12/08/2023 08:46

I do know of several families via my role as Senco where they get respite, some regularly (ie 1 day a week), some intermittently (ie 2 weeks a year). Yes, they have a named SW, but they don’t have this level of intrusion.
I would assume that there needs to be some level of SW input if a family need such a degree of support, which is what respite care is. Perhaps there are different practices in different local authorities.

There are different practices in different LAs, if we moved 2 miles down the road, it's not nearly this intrusive.

In fairness to our LA (something I rarely say) our DC have an exceptional level of need. BUT I still don't think it warrants this, and I know of lower need children whose families get the same treatment.

Surely the LA would be able to catch and support the families who need it if they didn't put everyone off coming forward by having such a baseline of control and intrusion.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 12/08/2023 08:46

I do know of several families via my role as Senco where they get respite, some regularly (ie 1 day a week), some intermittently (ie 2 weeks a year). Yes, they have a named SW, but they don’t have this level of intrusion.
I would assume that there needs to be some level of SW input if a family need such a degree of support, which is what respite care is. Perhaps there are different practices in different local authorities.

Original poster
OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 08:41

LittleMG · 12/08/2023 08:30

That sounds awful. Demeaning. My son has a mild birth injury I could easily have been in this position and no I would
not like it.

Demeaning is a really apt word.

For a while I asked to stop being under social care even if we lost the respite. It was fine for a year then eldest DC became ill and we were exhausted. We have multiple disabled children.

OP posts:
LittleMG · 12/08/2023 08:30

That sounds awful. Demeaning. My son has a mild birth injury I could easily have been in this position and no I would
not like it.

Original poster
OoopsOhNo · 12/08/2023 08:23

TL;DR should families with disabled children be able to get adequate respite without a social worker?
YANBU - yes
YABU - no

OP posts: