Me or DD being unreasonable?

Well that’s a leap 💩

Good on your DD for refusing to be cowed. I'd love to go for a midnight walk but I'm too bloody scared to (which makes me angry.) I once went to the park at 4am (in the summer, it was already light) and was told that was dangerous. Like hell it was! It was nice and peaceful.

An alarm isnt going to work over a field where theres noone else to hear it.

That is not the primary use. It's mainly to frighten off the attacker, if used correctly. Read the rest of my post.

I don't think your being unreasonable at all and I would feel similarly. Sadly in this day and age we women still have to be aware of situations which might put us at increased risk of being attacked, which is heart breaking and horrid but unfortunately its just reality. It's obviously a good thing for your daughter to have her independence and it sounds like she's a mature and sensible girl...but sadly that doesn't change the fact that there are some nasty individuals out there.

I've walked my dogs in a completely unlit park for years, my daughter walks hers there too at separate times. I've never heard of anyone being attacked there but in my local town there have been several attacks and rapes late at night in quiet areas. I'd rather my kids walked up the park than around town on their own at night.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. But it's so very hard to portray that to a 17 year old, I remember being young and feeling immortal all too well.

I have a large German shepherd cross who is quite protective and I still wouldn't walk through parks or fields on my own in the dark. It is a risk and it is so not worth it.

Is there anyone else that can do it? I would try to talk to her again and if she really won't budge then make other arrangements. This might be unpopular opinion but if the dog has enough mental stimulation throughout the day it doesn't NEED to have a second walk on Thursdays.

The best outcome is that your daughter thinks your a bit crazy and overprotective

I totally agree with you OP, I myself wouldn’t go out in the dark to fields as I wouldn’t feel safe so I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter, there’s too many weirdos about these days.

We have to look after our horse sometimes after dark in lonely fields, no one around, done it for years by myself, now daughter does it too, I get more worried about getting injured and no one finding one of us than being attacked

There was a case near where I live where a student got split up from her friends on her way home from a night out around 2/2.30. Fairly busy town centre. A man saw her and stalked her back to her student halls which were just over 5 minutes away. She was steps from the front door when he grabbed her. He attempted to rape her but luckily a security guard happened to be doing his rounds and interrupted. The would-be rapist got away but was found thanks to the amount of CCTV footage.

It's all about risks and what risks are reasonable. I don't think OP is BU I'm not wanting her DD to go to an isolated spot in the dark on her own. I wouldn't be happy either.

What is the area like? If its like my own, its much more dodgy in early mornings rather than late nights.

It is sad to see so many mothers pushing unlikely fears onto their daughters. Women should and are perfectly capable of being out after dark and not just in well lit specific areas. They are in more danger once in a relationship with someone.

I'd happily walk the dog late at night (and frequently do) my only reason for avoiding a certain field is because I'm more likely to trip in all the holes in the dark, the risk from a stranger doesn't come into it. The daughter is more at risk of having an accident driving to college but the outcomes are different. Males are at more risk from strangers, females are more at risk from people they know but again outcomes are different.

@Shoebills can you discuss things with your dd with specific examples or is it just a blanket fear, do you have a particular reason to feel that location is unsafe at that time? Does your dd think you are over exaggerating the actual risks?

An alarm isnt going to work over a field where theres noone else to hear it. Youre right to be worried but the compromise is that she takes the dog out but walks where theres people and streetlights where its safer. Theres no need to walk the dog over empty fields when it's dark. I'd be scared. The dog can have a perfectly fine walk once a week through an estate with houses etc. If she says she will do this then doesn't that's her choice

Haha typical teen vampire . 17 is old enough to walk in the evening. Its not 2am is it? Just after sunset.

I think there's an important difference here between risk perception and actual risk assessment.

There is clearly a lot of women on this thread who read "dark" and "park" and decided this was too risky. And some for whom just "dark" made it too risky.

But, as none of us know OP's actual park and area, these are just gut responses to "you've been brought up with those views and haven't really questined them"; "your local park is pretty dodgy so you've extrapolated", "women just aren't safe at all".

I think it is a balance between women keeping themselves safe and not having to shut themselves away. Yes, sadly women do get raped by strangers, and sometimes even in parks in the dark. But as OP's daughter pointed out - the risk of a car accident is greater. And so is the risk of abuse by someone you know. Anyone remember what happened during lockdown? Random attacks by strangers went down and domestic abuse went up.

If it's a safe area, the park is open (so you can see ahead), and there's no particular reason to think you might be attacked other than a small possibility that is always going to be there regardless, then why not do this? Some women won't want to take any even small risk, and that's up to them and absolutely their choice. But this is an almost adult woman who needs to make her own risk assessment and unless there is a clear reason (other than "but it's the park in the dark") why not, I think she should be allowed to.

I prefer walking in the dark to a crowded park. I pick where and when I do it and I stay alert. I've never had an issue at night, but I've been flashed three times in the middle of the day.

I wouldn’t walk across our local parkland late at night, nor would I allow my DD to do so.

I'd share your concerns and am surprised at some of the responses on here.
think I'd be wanting to know why she wants to go then. Is she using it as an excuse to be in the park after dark? If so, why? Who is she meeting up with? If it's not an excuse to be in the park after dark, why doesn't she want to be doing it in the daylight? Are there other people there then that she wants to avoid?
It might be that she just wants to exert her independent and challenge herself and feels safer doing that with a dog but I'd still be concerned.

Also, regarding risk, if there's a particular area you feel unsafe, report for the "streetsafe" app. There was an alleyway I regularly used during the dark and hated. Dark, cut off, often a man standing at the end leaning on a bike chicane on his phone, felt like he was possibly a drug dealer but cut off the alleyway. I reported it on the app. Within around 3 weeks there was new lighting, a cctv camera installed, bushes cut back, the gate chicane made wider and I've never seen the guy again though he was there months! No idea if it was my anonymous report, but eho knows!

I think your perceived risk here is different to your actual risk- probably due to the media. How many people do you personally know who have had car accidents? How many people do you personally know that have been attacked or raped in a park?

I'm not sure where you live, but a dog walk between 10.30pm-5am dog walk could be risky. As a 5.30am suburban runner, i can say it's pretty busy in my local parks that time with dog walkers.

I understand your worries, wanting to protect her etc. At 17, she needs to be able to assess her own risk comfort level and take precautions. She may well be walking through underpasses on her own, without a dog at 3am at uni next year.

Why does she have to go into a park /field? Why can't she walk the dog along the road.

Whose dog is it? Who wanted the dog? Does everyone in the family take a trun with dog chores?

When I was 17 I used to go for a nightly run at 11pm along a rural road. My mother hated it but I went anyways! Never had any issues.

Once winter gets here you won't have a choice, but why does she only wasn't too go in the dark?

Only reason I can think of it because she wants to avoid being seen to not picking up your did mess! I used to and still do hate picking up dog poo, the smell and the fact it's warm makes me want to vomit, I hated doing it when my mum wasn't able to walk HER dogs, and it's part of the reason I don't want one now as an adult.

I wouldn't like it OP. Walking on lit streets, fine - cutting over fields after dark? nope...no chance.

A man in his 40s was actually raped whilst walking in a secluded area local to me a few years ago. Statistically the risk may be low but it happens, why take an unnecessary risk?

I’d weigh up this risk as logically and objectively as you can.

Darkness doesn’t always mean more danger, and nor do parks.

Have a look at your local crime statistics and your local parks. Are they areas for drug dealing and crime? Are you inner city or village?

Sexual crimes to women are much more often by people they know, less often by strangers. Men, statistically are more at risk outside in the dark from attacks than women.

Then go through the route with your DD, it will be good to use this as a way to teach herself how to stay safe. This is generally sticking to well lit areas, safe routes, and picking up on danger.