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Original poster

To be dreading DH's work retreat

258 replies

MrsCrouch · 07/08/2023 15:18

My husband works remotely for a small company and the owners have kindly invited staff and their partners on a 2 day 'retreat' next week. I think there will be around 16-20 people going in total. I've just seen the VERY detailed itinerary which involves an entire 2 days (from breakfast at 8am until dinner ending at 10/11pm) as a group, doing activities. I'm very introverted, anxious about meeting new people, and honestly have no conversation whatsoever! I like socialising and listening to others, but in small bursts, over dinner etc. But this sounds intense.

I'm very grateful to have been invited, it's a lovely gesture. But help?

OP posts:
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Jillybloop393 · 16/08/2023 00:12

Well, did you go - if so was it as bad as you expected, or did you enjoy it?

JMSA · 13/08/2023 08:49

I'd cope fine with that, unless the tasks demanded a high level of fitness.
Don't go. It wouldn't be fair on anyone. Work is the perfect excuse.

Blossomtoes · 13/08/2023 08:45

User1755387908 · 13/08/2023 07:53

Off road driving sounds like it belongs to another era, it was the sort of thing Jeremy Clarkson et al used to test Landrovers and their competitors for on Top Gear about 20 or 30 years ago.

It’s a thing. People do it for stag and hen weekends as well as team building. It’s great fun.

User1755387908 · 13/08/2023 07:53

Off road driving sounds like it belongs to another era, it was the sort of thing Jeremy Clarkson et al used to test Landrovers and their competitors for on Top Gear about 20 or 30 years ago.

Pamspeople · 13/08/2023 07:40

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2023 06:14

I think this is one of the oddest things I’ve ever read. If DH got such an invite from his company he’d never even tell me about it as it would be so absurd. He’d just respond immediately that it was just him going. People’s partners would work, noone would take time off their own work to go to such bullshit, and if it’s on the weekend why would anyone go if they are not personally being paid to participate in such a travesty?

Amen to this!

ellyeth · 11/08/2023 13:46

I would hate to be roped into things that I felt uncomfortable about. Surely they can't force you to join in? There might be one or two things you are OK with, but having a full-on programme and expecting everyone to participate would seem over the top to me.

I think all of the suggestions that Augend23 made seem good and you might feel OK about one of them.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/08/2023 10:53

I’d pass on off road driving and escape room. Oh I need to deal with some work emails.
I’d do dinner. Food itself will pass time and talking about that. Good luck.

RoadSignFool · 10/08/2023 10:51

He obviously can’t duck out of an escape room with his colleagues but you definitely can.

😂😂. Is this like the Taskmaster secret hack, escape the escape room by not going in?

RampantIvy · 10/08/2023 09:58

I would hate off road driving. I don't see the point in tearing up the countryside in the most environmentally unfriendly way possible.

"I get travel sick" it "I don't drive" should suffice.

Pigeon31 · 10/08/2023 09:50

lol at off road driving. "Hey, X's work colleagues, I don't drive - let me take the wheel!!! It'll be exciting!"

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2023 08:06

MrsCrouch · 09/08/2023 19:47

Sorry for lack of response, have been dealing with a poorly dog the past couple of days.

The activities that I know of are an escape room type thing, off-road driving, and a meal which is a 5 hour long fancy tasting menu sort of thing.

If you were willing to do the meal then that’s already baked into your introvert energy expenditure - and a tasting menu being lots of small courses is useful as there’s plenty to ooh over on the food so easy chit-chat if needed.

Escape room, low introvert energy expenditure as you can be the silent one when everyone else is vying to crack the code! Or skip it, I guarantee no one will care.

Off-road driving you won’t be chatting much to strangers. But personally I’d hate this as an activity so I’d say no. Again I doubt there’d be a problem politely refusing.

I think you should stop assuming your presence is particularly required. You can join in if you would like to, but the tram-building is a requirement for your DH, not you. He obviously can’t duck out of an escape room with his colleagues but you definitely can.

Oblomov23 · 10/08/2023 07:55

off road driving, then tasting menu sounds like my idea of heaven.

RampantIvy · 10/08/2023 07:33

Look, if your husband really loves and understands you he won't want you to be uncomfortable. He would take your needs into consideration and accept this would make you uncomfortable.

I agree. DH doesn't like large groups and being with people he doesn't know. He is not a person who joins in stuff. If I had been invited to something like this I wouldn't even invite him because I know the answer would be a flat no. I think it is unfair of the husband to make the OP feel preessured to go.

Sueveneers · 10/08/2023 07:28

OP this sounds like my idea of hell, and no doubt yours. Look, if your husband really loves and understands you he won't want you to be uncomfortable. He would take your needs into consideration and accept this would make you uncomfortable. You need to tell him you can't go, and he needs to respect and have compassion and understanding for you and your needs. Tell him NO. No husband would want to make their wife miserable and uncomfortable.

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 06:23

That's why I am wondering if the OP is mistaken @HoppingPavlova? It's very unusual. Employers sometimes provide optional "treats" for partners along with the employees for them to enjoy but not team development activities for non-employees.

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2023 06:14

I think this is one of the oddest things I’ve ever read. If DH got such an invite from his company he’d never even tell me about it as it would be so absurd. He’d just respond immediately that it was just him going. People’s partners would work, noone would take time off their own work to go to such bullshit, and if it’s on the weekend why would anyone go if they are not personally being paid to participate in such a travesty?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 10/08/2023 06:09

Neither of us would want to go. However, if you are going for your dh, the good thing about activities are you will be busy doing the activities and you may feel less requirement to make conversation.

missadvertised · 10/08/2023 05:49

I'd be tempted to get my husband to tell the organiser that you haven't been well recently and are recuperating and having to take things easy.

Therefore, depending on how you are feeling, you may have to dip in and out of activities and take a break.

User1755387908 · 10/08/2023 05:18

I wouldn't like any of those activities, but some people would, depends if it is what you would like.

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 05:02

The activities that I know of are an escape room type thing, off-road driving, and a meal which is a 5 hour long fancy tasting menu sort of thing.

But @MrsCrouch can't you just opt out?

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 04:59

Blossomtoes · 09/08/2023 11:15

ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen?

Her bloke’s seen as unsupported in his career? In military circles it would definitely affect his promotion chances.

Her bloke’s seen as unsupported in his career? In military circles it would definitely affect his promotion chances.

Which military circles and which decade?

DH was in the Forces for 37 years and this was never a thing and it certainly isn't now.

Jillybloop393 · 09/08/2023 22:02

ImATrain · 09/08/2023 20:33

@MrsCrouch i’m still with you that a 5 hour meal sounds hell. As that’s 5 hours of sitting and small talk, not moving sound/chance to zone out

Feed me for five hours - I'll make as much small talk as you like!! 🤭🤣

fetchacloth · 09/08/2023 22:02

This doesn't sound at all bad OP.

ImATrain · 09/08/2023 20:33

@MrsCrouch i’m still with you that a 5 hour meal sounds hell. As that’s 5 hours of sitting and small talk, not moving sound/chance to zone out

Blossomtoes · 09/08/2023 20:26

Jillybloop393 · 09/08/2023 20:03

Wow! That sounds good! I thought it'd be things like yoga, or zumba ..... I'm thinking it's going to be good!

Sounds bloody amazing to me. Can I go instead?