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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU- inlaw problems

35 replies

Taylor75111 · 06/08/2023 21:41

Hi everyone.

I've never posted on here before and I need some advice.

I've recently had my second baby. My husband's mother is chronically unwell (not terminal) and lives on the otherside of the UK. My second baby is her first grandchild.
She, understandably, want regular visits from her grandchild. As she is unwell she cannot visit us very often but does come every few months or so. As I have another child, I cannot commit to regular visits there at weekends. 3 or 4 times a year at most. This will interfere with co-parenting arrangement and they wouldn't want to go anyway.

She is requesting my husband take my baby for monthly visits to her without me. I know why this is but I don't think this is fair on my baby, nor something I am happy with. The drive is long and he will be in the back on his own. I'm also not happy about my baby being on the otherside of the UK, without me, so regularly.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
babbscrabbs · 06/08/2023 21:50

Can you go by public transport? Perhaps you can compromise. I would try to go a bit more, maybe 6 times a year? And let him take baby twice a year by himself?

Original poster
Taylor75111 · 06/08/2023 21:50

Sorry I should have clarified. This is my current partner and new baby.

OP posts:
UWOT1 · 06/08/2023 21:48

How long is the drive? Could he fly instead? Who is paying for these journeys? How many days would he be away with the baby? While I understand she wants a relationship with her GC you and your husband need to he comfortable with the arrangements. What does DH think? Personally, I wouldn't want my baby to be away from me for days some people wouldn't be upset by it.

Original poster
Taylor75111 · 06/08/2023 21:48

Thanks for the reply. It's a long way and with both working full time, plus my other child it's difficult. They go to their dad's one night every weekend. They visit us about 3 times so we generally see them every 2 months approximately.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 06/08/2023 21:46

If you weren’t with the baby’s father he could take baby anyway, so I think you have to let it happen.

Changingplace · 06/08/2023 21:46

I wouldn’t want to agree to a definite once a month visit, it’s a big commitment, I’d say your DH can take the baby to visit as often as is possible but I wouldn’t agree to a set schedule.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 06/08/2023 21:46

No, you are not being unreasonable. My son is soon to be 10 months and it’ll be a long while before he is away from me other than a couple of days at nursery.

Keeva2017 · 06/08/2023 21:45

why can visits be only 3/4 times a year?

I do see your point and wouldn’t want my baby going without me at 6 months but you aren’t offering a lot?

Original poster
Taylor75111 · 06/08/2023 21:44

6 months and I'm not breastfeeding anymore.
Thanks for the reply

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 06/08/2023 21:42

How old is your baby, and are you breast feeding ?

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