Psychopath

Clearly a psychopath.

(That was a joke @yetanotherchangeofname I had to, no offense)

It does have a childfree board, so parents are not the only ones mumsnet seeks as an audience.

entertainment, essentially. Same reason that I use other forums. The same reasons that a lot of people use forums. I enjoy discussion, and it’s interesting to read about the experiences of others.

Can I ask why you're on Mumsnet if you have no children and no desire for them? No hate, just curious

@Remembermynamealways Again, likely narcissist rather than psychopath or a mix, I don't know.

Mine had a life goal of wanting them that was something made clear from the start. This was fine for me as I wanted children too, however they wanted them as soon as possible rather than getting financially secure. We did after a while of trying, which of course was my fault it didn't happen sooner but it was still fast.

The first, no true bond whatsoever right away and I raised them the whole way. Said they loved them, cared for them but said they don't have a bond. Second, totally different and was inseparable and still is now but it's to the point of obsession.

They are treated differently, one is getting a raw experience of the world full of truth, things should not know yet and has a lot of rules and responsibilities. Very much like me, empathic. Other, treated like a prince and can do no wrong and do whatever wants to and nobody else is allowed to care for them. Lovely and sweet but not so empathetic.

In general they are possessions, extensions of them almost and it's again control. They are social tools more than anything, totally different parenting style in public than at home. At home leave them to own devices, while they do what they want to do.

I found they prefer babies and toddlers and I believe this is because they are controllable without own opinions. The attention is higher at those ages from others too. As they get older more hassle, a voice of their own. However, a crying baby or screaming baby doesn't have the same response as most, it's rage inducing rather than say, worry.

Alongside this they hate other children with a passion, specifically preteen and teenagers except those who have some form of issue like themselves that make them broken or need their pity. The care is false though because it makes them look better by showing 'care' to these and everyone around thinks, oh how good they are. If only they knew.

Mine can be extremely horrible and blunt with one of mine. Not to the lengths you have experienced but I'm not there now so I have no idea and I'm worried about that. It is very much akin to treating them like a slave or animal at times.

My dad told me quite often that he didn't like me, @Remembermynamealways. I don't think he told any of us he loved us. He told my mother he didn't believe I was his child - according to him, this was based on some old wives' tale about pregnancy. But he wasn't stupid, and we all looked like a matching set with his build & colouring, so I assume he was just making up a 'reason' for disliking me which had the additional advantage of making Mum feel wronged.

He did his duties as a father, as he saw them, and I won't say he was all bad. He was a good teacher when he wanted to be, and could be very witty. He was concerned about his family's image, so did a lot of genuinely good parenting where it would show ... and boasted to us that his beatings never left visible marks. He did give Mum a few black eyes: in those days, wives often 'walked into doors' and I guess he knew that.

He periodically tried to kill me - not by assault or poisoning, but by ordering or encouraging me to do things that would likely result in my death. His expression at these times was of lively interest. I honestly don't think he cared about the outcome, he was just interested to see what would happen. He did this with one of my brothers, too, but mostly me as I was the most dispensable to him.

Thank you. I don’t think it was said to hurt me, but stating the facts that he hates all children. As his child I hoped I would be different, but no.

You made a very good decision, because it appeared to be a living hell for my father. The noise, the toys, the mess, the compromising, the tears, the general endless neediness of small children was just unbearable for him.

@mathanxiety Yeah can relate to those expressions. Mine never openly admitted it was about control but it was fairly apparent as it extended to everyone, except strangers and the ones they were currently idolizing. To them they were innocent and bubbly.

The majority of mine wasn't like living in constant fear but just this constant merry go round of things aren't right, no matter how good life was it was never enough. They wanted everything instantly, no understanding of you need to build your life and that you can't just have it. Things needed doing and they wouldn't so I would have to set time to do them because nobody else will, oh you're never here, you don't care. I've been gone an hour...but okay I'll be with you. Oh, you never let me have time on my own.

It was with everything and anything, I never knew what mood they were in, what they were thinking it was pot luck but guarantee whatever I did or said it was wrong and it would escalate over something pointless.

I got totally isolated in the end, I couldn't buy anything without approval, never bought my own clothes because they had to pick outfits for me as I couldn't do it right. I couldn't just go out I had to make sure it was okay but even if it was, it wasn't. They could though, could do anything.

The rage is something else, though. Pure raw emotion, no filter whatsoever and their whole body language and face changes. It's quite unhinged, something you'd expect in an asylum on a film. Likewise, the sadness they sometimes express is nothing like I have ever seen before, the rare glimpse of them broken. They can cry endlessly, mine cried for days once and only stopped to sleep.

It's quite sad in a way, I did genuinely love and care for mine and if she was just real with me instead of compensating with all of the mind games, hatred and abuse it would have been fine. Nothing in our life was wrong, we were doing well.

However, that's the same as well if you didn't do all these bad things and treat people that way, you wouldn't have any criticism, blame or fault. You're literally bringing it on yourself.

It really does depend on the individual in question. Psychopaths aren’t carbon copies of one another, any more than ‘normal’ people are.

It is entirely possible that he was telling the truth, yes. I don’t know the context in which he said it, so he may be stating the truth, or he may be saying it just to hurt you.

I don’t have children, because I don’t want them. I’m self aware enough to know that it wouldn’t be miraculously different because it was my own. I would find it irritating, and yes, inconvenient. It wouldn’t be personal as in there was something about the child that I disliked, I would just dislike having a child. At best my feelings towards them would be indifference. Conversely I know some do love their child/ren to the degree they’re able to, and others who consider them with the same affection one would consider a pet.

Every post I read helps me so much to understand my father. Like another jigsaw piece popping into place.

He never ever took sides, one of the things I loved about him, as I saw it as fairness - why do you never take sides?

If a very small child is injured and cries, why does/did he get angry? There is no effort whatsoever to help the injured child just red hot rage that it was annoying the hell out of him. He would complain and get very cross if he had to go to the hospital for instance, there was never any actual concern. Is there likely to be genuinely no interest in the outcome for the child?

Can psychopaths feel anything at all when their own child is hurt or injured? He never once responded but I always preferred to think he was ‘stressed’ not actually fuming because it pissed him off. I got used to his indifference, and would hide injuries to keep myself safe from him. Preferring to walk on fractured ankles than risk his wrath telling him.

My father says he doesn’t like me or feel love for me - it feels to be the truth, is this likely to be true? I always hoped when younger he would feel something, is there absolutely nothing?? Not even for a child that is yours?

When he is a charming, jokey mood he likes people to participate, but then savages them, what is the point of that?

I was locked in the loft on my own as a baby and toddler. Can anyone guess why?
He said it was a joke. I still remember the last time he did it, I have a pathological fear of the dark. I think he did it to hurt my mother.

I agree that a psychopath is far likely to respect and understand a fellow psychopath, and they would not need to pretend around each other, so that leads to intimacy and a bond perhaps? It would be more authentic at least.

I don't believe it was actually about 'control', because in many other ways they could be entirely affable and laid back, it was more about being unable to appropriately process the emotions of anyone defying their express instruction, no matter how petty or inane the instruction or action was.

This would invariably provoke a seething rage in them, they would completely lose self-control, descend into an almost psychotic frenzy. Eyes bulging, barely able to string together a sentence, finger right in your face, and then the blows to the head would begin.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX
@JibbaJab
This is my exH. For him it absolutely was about control though. He admitted to me that he had decided that nobody in the family would be happy unless he wanted them to be, otherwise they would be miserable because he would make them miserable. Nobody could be miserable either, unless he wanted them to be miserable. Being miserable when he had decided they should be happy was experienced by him as a personal affront.

So crying toddlers were treated by him as defiant. Young children asking "Why...?" as children tend to do - punished.

YYY to the bulging eyes, the psychotic frenzy - and I will add: face turned deathly white. lips white and curled to bare the teeth, jaw jutting forward, arms out from his trunk like a gorilla, fists clenched, specks of spit flying from his mouth as he shouted. He could turn it on at the drop of a pin.

@JibbaJab - yes to the chameleon-like changes. I see that in my exH.

So I definitely love my husband and always have. He is extremely similar to me and the only person I can truly be myself around. I’ve never ever had anything close to that with anyone else. I also love my kids. I’m not incapable of love or emotion by any means, I just reserve it for a handful of people and everyone else gets nothing.

I’m also not narcissistic in any way - other than a sense of grandiosity perhaps - but honestly I feel that’s justified 😂

The poster before who said they never comment on threads because they don’t care enough to - that’s me. I feign an emotional response to real life situations because dead eyes when someone is grieving doesn’t go down well with most people. I don’t take any pleasure in their misfortune though; I simply do not care

I relate to this as well. I find even if I’m not involved in drama, the parties that are tend to want me to be the sounding board for it, and I get looked at to ‘fix’ whatever is going on, as if that’s my role. Funnily enough I don’t seem to be expected to choose sides either, it tends to go without saying that I won’t.

@thecatsthecats

I’ve just done the DISC and scored Dominant. I haven’t read into it properly yet, but at first glance it correlates with ENTJ.

I know a someone I strongly suspect as being on the spectrum of psychopathy. He never showed any emotion not even anger. He would always take the short term reward over a long term one. He’s used to be a bit of a legend, last one up always a party animal. Now we are older he’s a sad alcoholic drug addict who looks down on the rest of us for having families and being ‘losers’.

Yeah that what I have experienced and nothing works on me, I'm immune to it almost so it's pointless trying.

For me in general it's more of a case of why can't everyone just live why does there need to be drama and if there is, work it out. Doesn't need to be dragged out or made into something bigger or sides being taken.

I don't have any friends at all to be honest, I know people but I don't socialize at all. I would like friends and again I am lonely always have been but I just cannot seem to find anyone genuine or that wants to have a friendship. I can honestly say I have never had one friend who I can talk to or rely on and I've never like met up regularly and hung out. More a case of people come in and out of my life and I never see them again.

It does make it easier as a whole but it's also very lonely at the same time.

Really isn’t*

Really, it does depend on the circumstances. When I wrote that I was thinking not about minor inconvenience, but about situations where someone is getting the absolute piss taken out of them, but they’re just letting it happens because they fear conflict, and they don’t want to be thought of as a bad person. Instead they end up inwardly seething with resentment as they’re getting walked all over, as if that’s in any way preferable. I don’t understand it. I’ve never felt awkward about saying no to people (diplomatically and undiplomatically), and someone thinking I’m a bad person really has any something I worry about. However, I am in a position where I don’t need to be worried about it, which is probably the most significant factor at play.

Yes, I get the mediator thing too. I often end up being in the position of being the only person who everyone is on good speaking term with.

Some people take issue with that, on the grounds that I haven't picked a side, but usually I can't see that there's a side to pick - just two people who I can see think differently.

Funnily enough this came up recently with another friend. Neither of us took sides in a HUGE falling out in the social group a few years back. The neutral friend and I were discussing how one side accepted that we hadn't taken sides. The other side lobbied my neutral friend HARD to take sides, and made no such effort with me. Neutral friend reckoned that they simply knew it wouldn't work on me.

It does lead to weaker friendships in some ways - enemy and beloved of none - but on the whole I think I'm happier with a few loyal and close friends, and no drama from the wider group.

I don't know what I would be, other than perhaps autistic but my role as a whole, everyone I come across I seem to be some form of mediator.

I do not like confrontation or conflict, not because I'm fearful of it but because it seems pointless. I can quite easily diffuse arguments, resolve issues across the board because I do tend to see things and think logically but also I can see both points of view. It's hard to explain but I can almost sympathise or feel others feelings and kind of be in their shoes.

I found this quite useful for my own children also, where they were emotional over something whether that was sad or angry and I could calmly and logically navigate their issue at hand to help them see the bigger picture, another side for them to understand and process it.

However, maybe it's the autistic side I do often land myself in trouble because I can be extremely blunt. Not out of being nasty, more of the phrase or word I have chosen that's perhaps a little bit too realistic for people's liking.

Yeah but that's because you have that in you but others do not. If you come across someone who lacks empathy, guilt or remorse it's not part of the equation.

I couldn't do that either, not because I deeply care about the person or people but because morally it's wrong and I wouldn't want it to happen to me either.

Narcissists for example do all manner of things to others and they do not care. However, you do anything to them then they care, only they then react and lash out further hurting others.

The Rules are for other people...
See Johnson. His Headmaster noticed it when he was quite young.
He later practised it in all areas of his life.
Threatening the journalist. Cheating on all his wives. Lying to Parliament.
To the Queen. Rule breaking at every opportunity.

I've known a psychopath. Well known British businessman.
I also knew a man who watched his wife of many years fall down the stairs whilst holding his newborn baby. Didn't make any attempt to help. Smiled & walked away.