Psychopath

Oh no definitely not. I genuinely think I’m great. I’m pretty good at self reflection though and I’m under no illusion that I’m perfect: I’m cold and heartless so I work hard to make sure I don’t upset people; I have a tendency to be very impulsive and make silly mistakes so I force myself to read things carefully. If something goes wrong I question my role in that and what I could have done better. But overall no, I’ve never had low self esteem. I also really don’t care what other people think so my sense of superiority is purely to do with how I perceive myself.

One thing I do struggle with is you know in conversation when someone asks you about yourself or something personal? Because I literally wouldn’t care one bit if it were the other way round, I find it difficult to talk about myself. I find small talk a boring dance of pretending to care about things I really don’t and in fact most conversation to be honest. That probably makes me ideal for management thought; I don’t seek emotional connection but I’m very good at feigning it. People just love to feel understood and important. If you achieve that, they’ll pretty much do what you want.

the link that’s fascinates me. What hills me back at work is low self esteem, worrying how I come across, thinking others are better yadda yadda how dull

do you feel none of that applies to you? It must be refreshing!

Ok so firstly I deffo wouldn’t diagnose myself with psychopathy. I don’t fit quite a few of the Hare checklist (delinquency, poor behaviour control, lacking in long term goals to name just a few); I score highly on the personality side rather than the behaviour side of that makes sense?

I’ve noticed I think in ways others don’t rather than the other way round: I tend to be very good at problem solving - particularly in situations which require high emotional intelligence. I’m aware of all emotions and can read people extremely well - I just don’t feel what they feel most of the time. This means I have to gauge how a ‘normal’ person would react to scenarios, otherwise I can come across as cold.

My processing is 99th percentile - this covers language and verbal reasoning.

Professionally I’m high achieving. I love my job and am very good in the particular field I’ve chosen within my profession. My aim is to climb as high as I possibly can. What’s hindered me is that I’ve had a family and we’ve focused on my husband’s career whilst the children were small, but I’m now at a point where I’m climbing again, and I don’t resent it. I’m also a perfectionist outside of work, although as parents we’re always checking ourselves that we don’t pass this onto our children in a negative way. I find parenting more difficult than work as children are a less predictable quantity, but I enjoy it in a different way.

I’m not hugely creative in terms of art etc but I enjoy fashion, interior projects and I love reading. I’d say I’m pretty typical in terms of my interests!

Ok psychopaths, is there anything cognitive you do struggle with? I’m seeing you both tending to frame psychopathy as a kind of hyper-intelligence, like if everyone just cut out the emotional noise they’d be able to think properly for a change. I kind of get it. Are you all high achieving professionally? And I’m wondering if you notice that other people can do/think in ways that you can’t? Do any of you do/enjoy anything creative? coming at this question from the other direction, do you ever get stuck on a loop mentally?

Indeed. I find most people stupid, especially because they are so needy and overcomplicate everything. I consider myself lucky not having to deal with their problems but they still irritate me.
Do also find that lots of people are more than happy to hand over control to you? Also control or them.

I can empathise a lot with this. I find people in general don’t meet my high standards so I tire of them after a while. There are exceptions to this and I do have meaningful relationships, but generally only if someone is intellectually on my level - although they don’t have to be similar in any way. I’m quite extroverted and get on with everyone superficially and I do enjoy social situations a lot so I think most people would be surprised to know the real me

Anger, frustration and boredom. While I can be happy I find that it wears off quickly because one the big three mentioned above takes over again.
I am really wondering how some of the others here manage to maintain relationships because that’s something I really struggle with. Maybe women do have better self control here.

@thelinkisdead That's interesting and makes sense.

I never really felt loss until now with the children and I have at times nose dived into sadness. Most people so far have said they can see I'm not okay but are also surprised I haven't reacted in anger like most men would. I do feel anger over the situation at times, intense anger but I don't think it is required and would be of no use and if anything would make me exactly what I am being accused of. It takes a lot to get me angry to the point I express it, I have a very long fuse I'm very thick skinned but when I do I go nuclear but I can still be in control and know when to stop and return to my level.

That's funny that was kind of my role in my relationship. I was essentially their conscience or moral compass as they seemingly didn't have one. I would have to add rationality to situations to bring the issue at hand into context or assist in seeing the consequences should they act in a certain way because they were highly emotional and often volatile or saw red. Ultimately, in the end they were uncontrollable and here we are.

I definitely feel sadness and loss. I’m fortunate really to never have experienced real loss, but it would definitely hurt. I’d say anger is the emotion I probably feel most in terms of negative things that happen; I have a real sense that I’d probably go to lengths others wouldn’t, and although I’ve worked hard to rewire my brain to temper any impulsivity, it is there and I think thank goodness for my husband because I have a real tendency to light the petrol bomb and throw it (to speak metaphorically), and he is good at rationalising why I shouldn’t act impulsively and the negative consequences.

Mostly I’d say I tend to feel things are an inconvenience and that is annoying to me. I like efficiency and calm order. I find people’s need to process and recover from what I see as minor events intensely irritating and think a lot of the time they’re their own worst enemy overthinking things. I honestly think I’m more content than a lot of people for not really giving a shit about most things

I can understand that point of view, it makes sense to me. Although you would expect empathy I'm not at all phased by the possibility that there is none because it makes sense, if that even makes any sense.

For me I find it easier to communicate to say a consultant that is this way, whether it's a lack of empathy or just their patient. Straight and to the point without any fluff. Whereas the few who were saying more animated or talked about things and beat around the bush, I'm confused and want to just remove the fluff or noise.

I'm assuming I am Autistic but I can relate to that way of thinking it's, I dunno, more logical I guess. As I said previously I don't feel things the same way as others I am in one state of existence continuously, I don't show joy or happiness nor can I get animated about anything really but I can to a degree adjust my expressions to show some form of it without actually feeling it myself.

I can empathise with others I can feel their struggles whilst simultaneously not actually caring for them. Almost as if I become them but things I can relate to. The only thing I do feel is sadness and loneliness and I'm still that one level of existence although I do at points cry but it's more of a necessity, a release then it's over and I return to my default state.

Old people I find fascinating, their wisdom and experiences and I enjoy looking at pictures of when they were younger. I can again almost become them and run through scenarios of what it was like for them at those moments I'm looking at in a photo. Similarly, historical photos I can do the same and try to imagine their lives or struggles.

Do you feel anything in terms of sadness or loss for things that mean something to you? For example, if you were the best at your job but you lost it from no fault of your own would that spur anything within emotional wise?

This is exactly what I meant, thank you.

I enjoy my job. I enjoy doing it well. I enjoy setting myself goals and achieving goals set within my profession. I’m a perfectionist and a high achiever; this aligns perfectly with the job I do and so everyone is happy. Do I understand the implication of certain actions or non actions from an empathetic perspective? Yes I do; I can fully assess how something might make someone feel and the consequences of this. As I said upthread, lacking empathy does not mean I enjoy seeing others hurt, and I certainly don’t want to be the cause of that.

I do think that this perspective is very difficult to understand if you’re a very empathetic person: the very idea that some of us aren’t driven by caring and have other intrinsic motives such as self-satisfaction or the desire to be the best must be mind-bending to some - which is a perfect irony on this thread I think; empaths unable to empathise

@Guiltridden12345 Yes there's a possibility I suppose problem is like with me unless manage to get a diagnosis will never know. Mine there were good times but looking back the majority was manipulation but it was eventually relentless and turned abusive. Again not every day consistently just an inability to live peacefully and they created conflict and chaos that all revolved around themselves.

There was never anything wrong with them, it was always other people, me or the world in general everything and everyone was out for them. In reality it didn't exist and they were the one causing the problems and as a result being abusive but they refuse to see it. So much so they on multiple occasions and now rewrote their entire past and aligned events to fit that story and everything that comes is turned into the are the victim.

@honeyrain Yeah I mean not all are dangerous but yes hard to think. Mine who I believe has NPD worked with children and nobody knows how they really are, totally delusional and abusive. Currently they are living in a bubble of their own, a new life created by themselves and are socializing with other mothers and their children. They all believe they're a wonderful person and don't know what's actually happening between us and our children.

The problem with lumping then in together is that it’s a disservice to actually understanding each personality. There’s a huge difference between inflicting pain incidentally, and inflicting pain as the goal. Perhaps not to the one on the receiving end of the pain, but motivation does matter, as it highlights not only a clear distinction between two very different personalities, but it has a major impact on how they are both tackled in a clinical setting.

yes, there’s a lot of evidence of shame in Brady in regards to his background. He attempted to conceal, and violently eschewed, anything that could be classed as a weakness, and contradicted the image he wanted to portray to the world (and indeed himself).

Medicine is a job that does indeed attract psychopaths, regardless of what others may consider to be the core values of the profession. Surgeons generally have a higher rate of psychopathic traits comparative to the general population:
https://publishing.rcseng.ac.uk/doi/10.1308/rcsbull.2015.331

I think he was certainly a narcissist. But I wouldn’t say he was deliberately cruel or nasty. He just didn’t register that having 4 or 5 girlfriends, and lying to each one, would catch up with him or be upsetting. It was like he had a chip missing. Which is why he was impossible to understand.

Truly believe that there are some genuine psychopaths on this thread. This is not in joke or jest.

To actually not be able to comprehend why individuals in a caring profession truly care is kind of blowing my mind.

And to openly be in a caring role and not have the ability nor desire to see the patients as individuals and have genuine empathy towards them again.....🤯

As I've said previously, it's literally in the essential core values.

@JibbaJab I can understand what they have written....I just am a bit...horrified as someone who is a nurse.

An ex of mine is 100% a psychopath, very scary individual

@Guiltridden12345 @JamSandle

I would say those are more along the lines of what I believe I'm dealing with which is a Narcissist. Although, I don't know for sure, and people in general can also be narcissistic rather than having NPD which is what I think my one was as it was on a totally different level and abusive.

May align though if you check those out but I think actual NPD is rare but who knows.

He just have been. Maybe even a cannibal but

No, doctors are supposed to treat and cure where possible, or to refer otherwise. I don’t see why anyone would expect them to sympathise.

But then I am different to you and I don’t think we can ever understand each other.

Ex boyfriend of mine lied and cheated chronically and also made up a chronic health condition. Very superficially charming, cold and unfeeling. Not sure if he'd be a psychopath but he told me he thought he was a sociopath.

@honeyrain I think what was meant was that although to others it may come across as caring, they don't actually feel any care or empathy themselves. As it's a caring job, that requires care, and they strive to be the best in their profession which is important to them, they do just that. To the point people believe they care but it's actually high efficiency, attention to detail and pride in carrying out that caring role which in turn provides high levels of care.

So they are saying don't assume because the role suggests care as you would expect from the name, that it requires actual care in order for someone to be...cared for well.

That's how I read it anyway and I may have just made it more confusing but I think I get what means.

Primary and secondary psychopathy might help clear up some questions here.

Also the dark triad.

I guess for me they are two sides of the same coin.
Brady lied like he breathed and as you say, wanted to present a certain way. In prison, he concocted a complete fantasy life where he had been a gang 'enforcer' and travelled all over Europe, etc etc. There was no evidence for any of it, he was a loser. At the same time, he completely glossed over other parts of his life - portrayed Borstal as a breeze and a bore, when other contemporaneous accounts from 'borstal boys' described hideous bullying and abuse.