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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Contraception

38 replies

Farmersswife · 06/08/2023 10:31

DH and I have just had our second baby currently 8m old. I’ve just stopped breastfeeding. DH 37 is refusing to get the snip, completely fair enough it’s his body & his choice. I 27 am not overly keen on going back on contraception there is a huge history of blood clots & related illnesses in the family and therefore I only have a limited choice. I previously had a coil but after 18m it started to be incredibly painful & the drs were reluctant to take it out.

DH refuses to wrap it up! I am happy for a 3rd but our lifestyle & marriage would not handle it!. I did try no sex for 4weeks but can’t deal with the earache anymore. What options do i have? What do other people do?.

DH thinks IABU & thinks it’s my responsibility to be protected.

OP posts:
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pineflump · 06/08/2023 13:18

What about the IUD? The copper one is hormone free so sort of natural

DuplicateUserName · 06/08/2023 13:15

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 13:06

Right. So now I'm driving sexism because I think men should keep their noses out of women's reproductive choices? Cheers for that.

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This thread is about a couple's contraception issues.

And did you miss where the OP said Thank you, really interesting from a man’s point of view!

Or are you just deliberately ignoring it to push your own agenda?

WhateverMate · 06/08/2023 13:12

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 13:01

Don't get the last sentence? Why would you not assume I'm a man? You've got me worried now....

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You probably misread.

I'm saying this is one thread where it's fine to start with 'as a man'.

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 13:11

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 13:06

Right. So now I'm driving sexism because I think men should keep their noses out of women's reproductive choices? Cheers for that.

Show quote history

Why cant I have a view on this as a man? It's an open forum and everyone can voice their opinion - can't they?

Personally you should reflect upon your original post. It is definitely posts like that that drive sexism and equality.

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 13:06

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 12:56

So, as I'm a man, I'm clearly not entitled to a view on contraception - is that what you're saying? So it is actually OPs responsibility?

Posts like that actually drive inequality between sexes. Do you see that?

FFS

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Right. So now I'm driving sexism because I think men should keep their noses out of women's reproductive choices? Cheers for that.

rwalker · 06/08/2023 13:02

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 12:49

Oh great, the 'as a man' posters have arrived. On a thread about a woman's contraception. FFS.

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Sorry I’ve misunderstood I thought it was a poster asking for advice and opinions on contraception for a couple not just about a woman contraception please accept my apologies I’ll leave I to discuss women’s things

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 13:01

WhateverMate · 06/08/2023 12:59

Just ignore, you have every right to post your input.

And if you didn't mention you were a man, your post would've looked strange, as we might assume you were female.

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Don't get the last sentence? Why would you not assume I'm a man? You've got me worried now....

Kabbalah · 06/08/2023 13:01

I was sterilized at 28 after three kids but I got zero help or consideration from my GP so I went to a private clinic and not in this country ( New York ) . Worked for me.

WhateverMate · 06/08/2023 12:59

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 12:56

So, as I'm a man, I'm clearly not entitled to a view on contraception - is that what you're saying? So it is actually OPs responsibility?

Posts like that actually drive inequality between sexes. Do you see that?

FFS

Show quote history

Just ignore, you have every right to post your input.

And if you didn't mention you were a man, your post would've looked strange, as we might assume you were female.

WhateverMate · 06/08/2023 12:57

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 12:49

Oh great, the 'as a man' posters have arrived. On a thread about a woman's contraception. FFS.

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Oh come on now, normally I'd be the first to agree with you but not on this thread, which is about contraception regarding a woman and a man.

Especially as the OP was thankful for the PP's input.

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 12:56

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 12:49

Oh great, the 'as a man' posters have arrived. On a thread about a woman's contraception. FFS.

Show quote history

So, as I'm a man, I'm clearly not entitled to a view on contraception - is that what you're saying? So it is actually OPs responsibility?

Posts like that actually drive inequality between sexes. Do you see that?

FFS

Marwoodsbigbreak · 06/08/2023 12:52

His options are condoms, vasectomy, or celibacy.

Let him choose.

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 12:49

rwalker · 06/08/2023 12:04

Not really helpful but as a man I’ve tried a few different condoms and including the invisible and thin ones there an almighty difference in pleasure and sensation between condoms and no condom
I think being completely dismissive about that might not be helpful

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Oh great, the 'as a man' posters have arrived. On a thread about a woman's contraception. FFS.

ScentlessAprentice · 06/08/2023 12:46

Didimum · 06/08/2023 11:59

“DH thinks IABU & thinks it’s my responsibility to be protected.”

I’m not sure how you could respect any man who had this opinion.

Couldn't agree more with this. What a fucking shithead. I couldn't have lunch with him, never mind sex.

DinoRoar14 · 06/08/2023 12:41

When he's nagging you fit sex ask him why he thinks it's OK to coerce you into sex you are not consenting to?

Didimum · 06/08/2023 12:39

rwalker · 06/08/2023 12:04

Not really helpful but as a man I’ve tried a few different condoms and including the invisible and thin ones there an almighty difference in pleasure and sensation between condoms and no condom
I think being completely dismissive about that might not be helpful

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Except that OP has previously had a long stint on hormonal contraception which caused her pain and isn’t suitable for her family medical history. Time for her DH to make up the mantle for a while when the only complaint is ‘sensation’. I’m sure the OP’s sensation of pelvic and cervical pain weren’t ideal either.

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 12:33

rwalker · 06/08/2023 12:04

Not really helpful but as a man I’ve tried a few different condoms and including the invisible and thin ones there an almighty difference in pleasure and sensation between condoms and no condom
I think being completely dismissive about that might not be helpful

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I agree with you - the sensations are hugely different.

But I don't share the same view of yours about the dismissive bit and not being helpful.

Sounds to me like OPs DH wants his cake, eat it and forget the other person's needs. That's selfish, in what is meant to be a partnership.

rwalker · 06/08/2023 12:04

Farmersswife · 06/08/2023 11:50

I’ve said this I have no issues with condoms & they are made these days to be great so I don’t see why he’s moaning! We are going food shopping later & I’m going to suggest he picks some & see how he responds & go from there if it’s still a no I’m going cold turkey and he can like it or lump it.

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Not really helpful but as a man I’ve tried a few different condoms and including the invisible and thin ones there an almighty difference in pleasure and sensation between condoms and no condom
I think being completely dismissive about that might not be helpful

Peony654 · 06/08/2023 12:03

Didimum · 06/08/2023 11:59

“DH thinks IABU & thinks it’s my responsibility to be protected.”

I’m not sure how you could respect any man who had this opinion.

Agreed, this attitude is appalling

Peony654 · 06/08/2023 12:03

Your husband is being unreasonable. You’ve gone through pregnancy and childbirth twice. Natural tracking or pull out are not as reliable as the pill etc, I wouldn’t use them unless you would genuinely be happy with a third, especially as it sounds like you are very fertile.

MrReflection · 06/08/2023 12:02

Farmersswife · 06/08/2023 11:53

Thank you, really interesting from a man’s point of view! He has 2 DC from a previous relationship & he isn’t keen on anymore we have 2DC. I am open to a 3rd but realistically it’s not a good idea 2nd DC took quite a hit on our marriage I think a 3rd would finish us off.

when I bring it up during he says it puts him off? I’m going to suggest he chooses some condoms when we go shopping?

Thank you

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If it "puts him off" then that is actually more worrying in my view. Is it all about that single penetrative act?

As I said, I don't like it, but it's never been a barrier, pardon the pun, if I've needed to do it.

WhateverMate · 06/08/2023 12:02

Farmersswife · 06/08/2023 11:36

I tried no sex for 6 weeks but it affected our marriage quite a bit.

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No, HE affected your marriage quite a bit.

Didimum · 06/08/2023 11:59

“DH thinks IABU & thinks it’s my responsibility to be protected.”

I’m not sure how you could respect any man who had this opinion.

StripyHorse · 06/08/2023 11:56

Your DH is BU.

He's happy for you to either have hormonal contraception despite the health risks or the coil which you found painful, but he won't put a condom on? He will have to put up with not having sex then won't he?!

Original poster
Farmersswife · 06/08/2023 11:54

Un7breakable · 06/08/2023 11:47

There is the fertility awareness method but it's not 100% and you have to be religious about tracking. Your DP would need to understand that's it's not as reliable as a condom.

Thanks I’ve not looked into this. I will have a look.

OP posts: