3.5 year old piercing

My 3.5 year old daughter is dying to get her ears pierced because we live abroad and she has a lot of friends from different cultures who have it done usually from birth (in my best friend’s culture the nurses pierce the baby’s ears in the hospital when they’re born!) Id think nothing of it - would assume either w different culture or a personal preference - both of which I have no right to judge. The most I might this is ‘Aw that looks pretty’ but that’s it’

And yes, ‘cultural reasons’ is no argument whatsoever. Plenty of ‘traditions’ are designed to oppress certain groups and tacitly enforce unjust power structures.

It’s often done so that babie/toddlers can be easily distinguished as female. I’m very against that - why is it necessary other than in order to socialise them as girls and force oppressive gender expectations on them?

Plus it completely destroys the idea of bodily integrity that we try and them elsewhere. We wouldn't tattoo them because a. obviously they can’t consent and b. We’d be inflicting pain on a small child for our own vanity. this is exactly the same.

I personally don't like it but I wouldn't think much of it and don't see it as child abuse.

It is a very odd thing to do to a child, I don’t have my ears pierced so would have been upset if my parents had made that decision for me. I’ve never understood why anyone would want decorations hanging from their ears but if they’re adults then that’s their choice. My daughter who is 10 currently has no wish to have hers done.

Like most other permanent body modifications, I think there should be a minimum age. Children cannot consent to most things (even photos on a school Facebook page!) until they are Gillick competent, so I think 12/13 would probably be a minimum, possibly even older like with tattoos.

Aipps for judging, in most cases, people are a product of their environment and culture so although it’s not something I would do and I think it’s odd, I wouldn’t necessarily judge their overall parenting by it.

I honestly wouldn’t think anything. They’re only earrings. Take them out and they close up, no big deal whatsoever, especially as the vast majority of adult women have pierced ears. I don’t agree with piercing babies since they can’t ask for it, but maybe the 3.5 year old wanted it done. My DD asked at that age, I explained that it would hurt similar too the preschool vaccines she’d just had and we’d have to clean them etc and she decided against it. In the end she got them done when she was 6. It felt stupidly arbitrary telling her that she wasn’t allowed until she was 10 or whatever because I honestly couldn’t explain why that made sense. I was also told by the paediatrician when we lived abroad to do it before 11 because the risk of keloids increases and you’ll always do a better job of cleaning them than a teen will!

Good post Honeychickpea.

I don't think I'd even notice if one of DD's friends had their ears pierced.
I definitely don't think it's worth judging their parents for, unless they're in clear discomfort.

Ear piercing is so bizarre when you think about it - putting holes in your flesh so you can hang shiny baubles from them.

I'd judge the parents of a kid that young with pierced ears. The child could not have given informed consent. It's for the parents' benefit.

There's a lot of things that are the "norm" in all kinds of cultures. That doesn't make it okay. I think a few people could do with remembering that that doesn't justify certain practices.

shouldn't be done (or be allowed to be done) until older when the child can understand that it will hurt, help to clean them and still wants them done.
I don’t think earrings look good on children so young anyway.

Id cringe

This

It's disgusting and of course I'd judge! Such an unnecessary procedure and infection risk in children - I can't believe people are excusing this in newborns because it's 'cultural'!!! I could barely sit through the heel prick test at 5 days old let alone watch someone pierce her ears for no other reason than everyone else does it. Foul.

For those saying it's none of your business, would you think the same if you saw them with a nose/eyebrow piercing?! Why is it so easy to swallow that a baby or child has their ears pieced but not any other part of the face?

It's the norm here in Brazil. Very common to have it done in the hospital maybe one day after baby is born.

i wouldn’t say anything. However I don’t agree with it at all, it’s unnecessary pain and the child should be making its own decision about wether to pierce their body or not. Aged 7 or 8 would seem more appropriate. Mine weee given the decision aged 10

In many countries the pediatrician will do it for very young babies. Your culture is not the only one in the world, nor by default the correct one.

You have zero friends from cultural groups where this would be the norm? Really?

This is not what I would do as I think my ability to consent for my child relates to necessary medical procedures not cosmetic ones but it surprises me greatly to hear some don’t have any friends who do embrace this.

Chavvy I could just roll my eyes at that
but for me it more about them not being old enough to look after them properly and risk of them ripping them out

I would think she should have thought about other people’s reactions before she got them pierced. ( if the judgemental stares are bothering her ).
It’s a bit common but it’s not child abuse.

People go so over the top on this topic on MN that it’s embarrassing and I suspect much of it is performative for MN - people ‘questioning friendships with the parents’ FFS.

DC didn’t have theirs done until they were 10. However, if I ever see young children with them, I just double take as it’s unusual to see them on small kids these days. I’d assume it was cultural and get on with my day.

@melj1213 I don’t judge the children, I judge the parents. Just because you are brainwashed into thinking this is ok and brainwash you’re kids too, doesn’t make it ok. It’s not like eye or hair colour, did you actually say that. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Those things are natural. There’s nothing natural about piercing babies ears.

Obviously nothing to do with me and I would keep my opinion to myself.

But seeing as though you asked and we are anonymous. I really don't like it. I think it looks a tad chavvy and there should be an age limit of 10+

'if your bar is in hell'

it's all so predictably overwrought.

To you

Not just to me, to anyone that thinks consent and not hurting children are important. If your bar is in hell, that’s your problem.