What makes visitors CFs?

Anyone who decides that our bin collection must be exactly the same as the way it is done at home. Despite being told that if you do XYZ the bin men won’t empty the bins and we’ll go a full month with no collection.

I had this, but it was a child relation whose bed was made up in the same room as our DD. There’s no prior history of bullying etc, mid distance visit.

I went up to the bedrooms to find said child facing a shut door to our junk room. Asked her several times was she ok and could I get her anything. Eventually she said she was waiting for her mum who was in the shower. Dad downstairs.

she decided she wanted to sleep in the unaired junk room and her mum said she could!

People who don’t stay in the rooms / beds they’ve been given. I’ve had people decide to just go and sleep in another room because they don’t like their husband’s snoring. Then I have to remake that other room for the other guests who are coming to stay.

My mum’s sister came for the weekend and ended up staying for 3 years. My parents hadn’t been long married, I dunno how my dad put up with it!

So glad my apartment is too small for guests!

I love having guests but I have started to notice which people ask to come but have never reciprocated. We don’t have to stay over but going over for lunch and a mooch around their local shopping centre would be interesting for us.

Anyone who is pushy about coming to stay. If I say that, unfortunately, I don’t want houseguests for the week of X because <reasons> and they say “Oh, we’ll be no trouble” then I know they will be trouble.

People who don’t seem to realise that they have come to our house and that they are one of a series of houseguests. I can’t stay up mega late boozing night after night for eight weeks. My neighbours might pop round. We sometimes have some work to do.

People who forget essential things then look at me expectantly. I can’t magic up shoes for your children - you’ll need to go to Tesco / Clark’s. Similarly people who leave essential things at my house (coats, hairbrushes, an entire suitcase filled with children’s clothes) and it becomes my problem to somehow get them back to them.

Anyone who makes a big thing of being skint. I don’t expect people to splurge on fancy stuff but when people start looking anxious about doing ordinary things, it makes my heart sink.

I don’t expect people to strip the beds. I’m happy to do that.

@MereDintofPandiculation
with paper napkins that you're not actually supposed to use because they get put out again for the next meal...
That's revolting! The reason napkin rings are considered non-U is that it implies that the napkins are going to be used again.

Nobody ever actually uses them, I soon discovered, although you do get a new one at the next meal if you use yours. It's very Cranford - we have napkins at breakfast, we just happen not to need them. Not really sure where it fits on the class scale though, as they're not British, so it's all just a bit different.

A friend of mine lives in a popular tourist area. A few years ago she got a call from a friend asking if her and another family member could stay with her during a big festival that went on for a few days.
My friend said they could stay with her but would be working irregular long hours that week.

So her guests arrive and expect her to be their for their cooked breakfast each morning, they then start to make plans of what they had can all do together each day and what restaurants they eat in.
They had no restaurants booked. My friend had to remind them that it was the busiest week of the year in her job and unfortunately she could not say if and when she could see them.
My friend met them for a meal one day and they did not even pay for her meal.
My friend would arrive home from work and they would not offer to make her a cup of coffee.
The 2 nights they were going to stay became 4. They left their room in a mess and never gave my friend a gift.

After this my friend cooled down this friendship and unfortunately was away the next time they wanted to stay with her.

My 'friend' moaned constantly when she came to stay.

Told me my kitchen cupboards were messy and disorganised

We took them out on a day trip ( 25 mins away, took their car as ours is two door)) she moaned she got mud on her car, moaned the soup we bought her in a cafe was too thick, ended up saying "I'm not enjoying this".

Cooked her a roast chicken meal, roast potatoes etc. Made a trifle She moaned there was no Yorkshire Pudding. So I made Yorkshire Pudding and she moaned I hadn't sat with them having wine before dinner

Told me I 'clearly have too much money' as I had bought Freddies Flowes to make the house look nice for their stay ( she saw tge box in the recycling)

Told me "you clearly have more disposable income than me" when we said we had booked a holiday.

To cap it off she got blind drunk and called me a liar as she was picking over an incident from 7 years ago. Got up next morning like nothing had happened and expected me to provide a Full English breakfast

I haven't spoken to her since!

For me, it would be

Not bringing anything, even if its a token if they are coming for a meal. I always offer to bring a pudding.
Not getting off their arse to help with plates, glasses, offering to wash up.
Not picking up social cues that its getting late - this is more of an annoyance than a CF thing though.

I remember one terrible Christmas with all of StepDF family round and they all sat on their arse, hogging the TV watching the NEWS, not one offer of a helping hand. Expected food and drink brought to them at regular intervals. They then made critical comments about the food. Poor DM was in tears in the kitchen.

I have been served some truly appalling dinners but I wouldnt dream of saying anything other than positive!

Ughhh I had two weeks of this

Except it was the man who peed all over the bathroom floor
Bathroom mat was binned could not save it

Two fcking weeks

I'm still not over it

My sister In law at the weekend

She walked around the first morning in her pants and a t shirt

She told me I should have had my kids when I was younger as I look so tired

She told me my toddler eats too much ( she has a super love for fruit)

After we stuffed our faces all of my family one night she told me I need to hit the gym first thing Monday

She has made me so angry I'm still utterly fuming
She also told a family member someone saw him in a pic and said he was fat
She is no oil painting

No more guests

No more fcking guests ever again

Lunch at mine yea
No one staying over I have had it

100% agree with this! We have friends who behave like this and get invited a lot, another friend who is lovely whilst here but does not take the hint to leave! Last time he came he arrived Sat daytime and stayed over (fine) then hung around til 7pm on Sunday night even though it was totally obvious after Sunday lunch we had stuff to do. Funnily enough he doesn't get invited nearly so much!

Reading all these has brought back memories from over 10 years ago when I met a guy online. We got on ok but didn't meet often as there was quite a gap mileage wise between us.

Anyway, I moved to a really old, quirky house and when he came to visit there for the first time, he brought his 18yr old daughter with us. She proceeded to wonder around criticising everything and taking photos of everywhere, including my bedroom. I did insist on her deleting them, so she continued to strop and sulk for the rest of the afternoon.

The second time he visited there he brought a female friend (without asking me. What a bloody nightmare she was. All the food I put out for us she piled up on her plate, then took out her teeth and dumped them on a small table before stuffing her mouth with more food than I thought possible. She also lived in a high rise flat and it seemed she had always wanted to live in an old pile like mine. For that, she would randomly drop into the conversation - aimed at me - 'Bitch, I hate you, you bitch', then she'd smile and say, just joking! HaHaHa! All because I lived in the house of her dreams!

After about 2 hours of this I took her stillPiledHighPlateOfFood from her fetched their coats from the hall, and told her to ' just leave now, and no, I'm not joking. HaHaHa!!'

I've never seen either of them since, thank fully!

I have a new baby, so bear that in mind:
CF brought no drinks to my BBQ and then proceeded to drink me out of house and home. I’ve never seen someone drink so much. She sat on her arse and I waited on her every need!

She left her glasses behind - I paid the postage to send them back to her house, and she made no offer of paying me back! She’s not invited round again.

I didn't read the thread about the steak dinner but the op reminded me of this. Not visitors exactly but my nephew moved his boyfriend into my sister's house for a few months (2 years) while they saved for a house. They didn't contribute to bills or even food, she cooked for them every night. (More fool her). Anyway they were going to visit boyfriend's parents for the weekend (to mooch off them for a change), bil was doing the weekly shop and decided to treat himself and my sister to some nice steaks as it would be just the two of them, when nephew and boyfriend arrived at shop to say trip was cancelled oh steak how lovely and added some to the trolley for themselves, then waited while bil paid. They are both well paid professionals and total CFs.

In my mums culture it doesn't seem to count as hosting unless the host is incredibly put out. Take for example our family of four going to stay abroad with a relative and their son who lived in a studio flat. I must have only been 8 at the time but it was bloody awful, 4 of us in relatives double bed, them in the kids single and kid on the floor. Having to climb over people to get to the loo in the night, everyone being woken up by the first person to wake up plus having to go to sleep while adults were still up and chatting. Even when visiting me as a grown up she would insist on sleeping on the sofa instead of the spare room, so the living room was out of action from early evening, now I don't have a spare room and its suddenly a problem and my house is too small!

OK thread is finished, we have a winner 😁

Ugh, and I just thought of another pet hate - turning up early. I'd actually rather they arrived late than early.

Speaking as a chronic insomniac, though, I always appreciate some give and take on this as I usually sleep badly at other people's houses and feel abysmal if I have to get up too early. What would you consider to be 'reasonable o' clock'?

My pet hate is when they stand there chatting to me while I'm trying to cook. Annoying rather than CF, and it often evolves out of their having offered to help - I always politely decline as I need to be left alone to cook or else I can't concentrate - but then they just stand around talking and getting in the way even though I 'encourage' them to take a seat and relax after their journey etc. Drives me nuts.

Im reading this thread and worrying about all the times I've visited it hosted and will have got it wrong. Don't worry too much - if you read carefully, you can see what is one person's politeness is another person's height of CF-ness.

If I was invited round for coffee I wouldn't have taken biscuits or cakes for example. I'd worry the host would think I'm rude and doubting their ability to provide them with the coffee. I think the bringing something kicks in with a meal, and probably with dinner rather than lunch.

I'd be offended if someone brought cage or biscuits to my house if I'd invited.m them. Rather proving my first point!

It's just easier not to socialise! Don't do that! Just accept you'll take longer than most people to learn the rules. Real friends will judge the whole you, not the bit of you that made a minor transgression.

A friend of DH's dislikes my cooking If he were a polite guest, you wouldn't even know that!

with paper napkins that you're not actually supposed to use because they get put out again for the next meal...That's revolting! The reason napkin rings are considered non-U is that it implies that the napkins are going to be used again.

When people have no concept that I work full time, from home and can't just drop everything to entertain/chat etc when you come over without asking first When you drop in without asking it's on the understanding that you may not even get as far as the door being opened. It shouldn't be people coming round and asking you to drop everything.

We have people turning up unannounced, or phoning to say they’re at the gates. In laws let themselves in and appear at back windows, peering in and trying doors. We’ve found in laws in our pool, with guests we didn’t know, when returning from honeymoon. They’ve brought people we don’t know to put home and given them guided tours. I’ve woken up at the crack of dawn when my husband was away to find my FIL in my house, poking around and coming upstairs.

I’ve had guests think that because we are financially in good shape, they can help themselves to wine from the cellar, make demands about food and drink while here, ask to stay in our house for free as a holiday (repeatedly, the same people), expect to use our holiday cottages for free (leaving them wrecked, no thank you gift)…

It is endless.

My sister invited herself to mine for …. Five months!!