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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When i'm God..........

137 replies

HollyRocks · 04/08/2023 23:06

When i'm God..........

..............I will give tinitus to anyone who hangs wind chimes in their garden which can be heard by their neighbours. And this tinitus will sound like a homemade wind chime made from saucepan lids and hung out on a really windy day.

......and i'll give a really high pitched squeaky voice to any man who mansplains, or who tries to talk over a woman when she's speaking.

OK, i feel better now.

So that's the really important stuff sorted. Anyone got any requests for what else i should do?

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 05/08/2023 09:16

What if any part of a car over a dropped curb rusts away to nothing? @7Worfs

RhiWrites · 05/08/2023 09:15

People who hot tub after 1am. Can you make it ice cold?

Original poster
HollyRocks · 05/08/2023 09:15

@SuspiciousDuck Punish any man who gropes a woman, by removing all the bones in his arms from the elbow down for one week.

Brilliant, we could use this for all sorts of things. And so many bones to choose from. And so many other body parts (That sorts out all the "cheating husband" stuff)

OP posts:
7Worfs · 05/08/2023 09:14

HollyRocks · 05/08/2023 09:02

Thanks @ErrolTheDragon This is my new favourite website. Good job i've got nothing important to do today.

@SuspiciousDuck Yes you can. I'm thinking this might be too much for one person so maybe a job share? Or one day each per year for anyone who can invent new types of punishment.

@7Worfs I might just flip it onto it's roof (bit unfair on the family otherwise) What's a Worf?

But if you just flip it I’d still struggle to get onto the pavement with the pram ☹️

I have a particular car in mind too - navy VW Touareg, always blocking the dropped curb (which is also the service/delivery entry) in front of nursery. Breathtaking entitlement on that woman; I genuinely wish her harm.

Worf is a Klingon Starfleet officer from Star Trek. It’s a wordplay, 7 Worfs / 7 Dwarves.

ShatteredMum23 · 05/08/2023 09:10

Please punish those who play any type of music / games / videos etc on their phones when they are not wearing any type of headphones. No one else wants to hear your shite thanks.

Same goes for those who have phone calls or video phone calls on loud speaker in public.

Not sure of the punishment, maybe make their phone burst into flames and the fire then goes out when it's burnt away so no one else is hurt by the fire.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 09:04

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

did some bad bad woman make your lovely man cheat on you?

how about punish people who cheat? blame where blame lies and all that

Original poster
HollyRocks · 05/08/2023 09:02

Thanks @ErrolTheDragon This is my new favourite website. Good job i've got nothing important to do today.

@SuspiciousDuck Yes you can. I'm thinking this might be too much for one person so maybe a job share? Or one day each per year for anyone who can invent new types of punishment.

@7Worfs I might just flip it onto it's roof (bit unfair on the family otherwise) What's a Worf?

OP posts:
Idratherbepaddleboarding · 05/08/2023 08:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Original poster
HollyRocks · 05/08/2023 08:42

@TotallyKerplunked @Squirrelsnut I think the best place for dog poo is beside their bed, so when they get up in the morning bare-footed it squishes up between their toes and smears all over the carpet.

@WeetabixTowels I could rig up a system where their feet don't move unless the eyes are pointing in the right direction. Or maybe they walk barefoot and i make their little toe really really long so they stub it if they take a step without looking.

@Siouxiesiouxiesioux But for a lot of them it's their miserable lives that make them act like that. I might lock them all in a room together once a month...........

OP posts:
FluffyUnicorn84 · 05/08/2023 08:41

Would love it if you could make all parents who email their teacher at 10PM to complain about their DCs punishment (,my friend who is a teachers- I'm not- says this is really common!) get an after-work detention until the time that they thought was reasonable to bother a teacher for no good reason. If your DCs a CF don't back then up!!

7Worfs · 05/08/2023 08:40

Idling your engine transports the fumes inside your house.

Parking over dropped curb - the car is magically lifted and dropped onto your house from a great height.

SuspiciousDuck · 05/08/2023 08:36

Punish any man who says “smile, love” (or any variation thereof) to a woman, by giving him a crying face like the Snapchat filter for 24 hours.

Punish any man who gropes a woman, by removing all the bones in his arms from the elbow down for one week.

Can I be a demigod please? I think I’d be great at it.

LifeofBrienne · 05/08/2023 08:35

I’d like, please, a hologram lie detector that hovers above politicians’ heads and produces a bright red neon LIAR sign at appropriate moments. I’m wondering whether a DELIBERATELY MISLEADING response would also be useful.

Squirrelsnut · 05/08/2023 08:34

Re: dog poo karma. My personal preference is that the offending dollop disappears and rematerialises on the dog owner's pillow. Or in the middle of their living room.

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:32

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:29

And punish married men with thunder bolts and lightening who flirt and have affairs.

Show quote history

Also the same punishment for men who are in relationships but not married.

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:29

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

And punish married men with thunder bolts and lightening who flirt and have affairs.

Howtohideasausage · 05/08/2023 08:29

Someone’s already said about dog shit. Mine was that it would magically fly through the air and be driven into the owner’s face.

People who drop litter, similar punishment.

Hawkins009 · 05/08/2023 08:24

Speed up the development of technology so that humanity is a type III civilization on the Kardashev scale

Beargrumps22 · 05/08/2023 08:17

do something to those annoying customers in my shop who get everything out poke and prod everything complain loudly about what i havent got then leave without buying leaving me to clean up the mess
also something for all the lying cheating slime balls out there ie men

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 07:46

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

Or maybe stop men from cheating on their partners?

Women are not responsible for men's behaviours

Tlolljs · 05/08/2023 07:08

People that open packets wrongly just rip cereal boxes open why don’t you?
People that open a new one of something when the same thing is already open!

Seymour5 · 05/08/2023 06:43

Doingtheboxerbeat · 05/08/2023 02:44

Ooh there was this excellent episode of the old Red Dwarf that had a kind of prison that dealt instead karma - if someone punched you, they would feel it . I like this 🤗.

I’d like that to work on people wearing backpacks on public transport please! I got clouted round the head along with a couple of other passengers the other day, and not for the first time.

DrSbaitso · 05/08/2023 06:34

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

Punish people who hold women responsible for what married men do. And every other iteration of "women are responsible for what men do".

Sorry, I know it'll take a long time, but it's worth it.

TheCyclingGorilla · 05/08/2023 06:31

I'm in Rome so could you give all the street peddlers here a nasty bout of norovirus so they aren't on the path blocking my way and trying to sell me water/a parasol/a fan? Thanks.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 05/08/2023 06:25

Snobby people. Can you make it that when they're in their 'posh' company that they have unavoidable squeaky farts, stinky ones. They must escape before the snobby bint is able to leave the room. Thanks Grin