Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to empty the joint account?

144 replies

ChilliNoodleGoodness · 04/08/2023 12:43

Shortened version of what is happening. Been with DP for 7 years, 3 kids. Joint mortgage on home, joint savings, majority (80%) belonging to me from an inheritance.

DP has regularly over the last 2 years decided to leave for various reasons including

I am boring (I work part time, parent 3 young children, also "parent" my siblings as our parents tragically died last year)

I am always nagging him (he likes to spend his days off in the pub, going for pub meals, playing snooker instead of picking our children up from my grandparents to save them babysitting)

He usually leaves for about 4 or 5 days then comes back apologising. This time I have had enough.

I have found out he has been spending time with his ex, I hit the roof and am apparently out of order for giving him shit about it.

He came to the house yesterday whilst I was in work, took the money from my purse, tv's from the house, and walked mud (purposely I would imagine) through the entire house. Also all mattresses were off the beds.

He is blaming me for him being a 42 year old now living in his dads box room.

He chose to leave.

I am seriously considering emptying the joint account but is this illegal? Also am I allowed to change the locks if the mortgage is also in his name? He has taken keys and refuses to give them back.

The texts he has been sending are deluded and he sounds angry and slightly insane.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Greenfree · 05/08/2023 12:22

curaçao · 04/08/2023 16:58

Speak to the police?? What about?

Show quote history

Sorry my las message was in response to you but it didn't quite your message

Greenfree · 05/08/2023 12:18

He's sending her abusive txt messages, entered the house and taken TVs plus the other stuff she mentioned about the mattresses, taking keys etc

AlfietheSchnauzer · 05/08/2023 11:19

❌O*P HAS ALREADY TAKEN THE MONEY!!!! ❌
*

AlfietheSchnauzer · 05/08/2023 11:18

Sorry if this sounds unsupportive but just to make you aware, you cannot claim UC if you have more than £6,000

Zanatdy · 05/08/2023 11:16

Just take it as likelihood he will. Share it accordingly, your inheritance, your money, otherwise share the other savings

AlfietheSchnauzer · 05/08/2023 11:11

SpringleDingle · 04/08/2023 12:44

Joint account - you are entitled to half.

She's legally entitled to it all!

Blossomtoes · 04/08/2023 21:51

Report it and ask MNHQ to delete it.

Smsquared · 04/08/2023 21:48

Ah shoot sorry. Not sure how to delete

Blossomtoes · 04/08/2023 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Wrong thread.

Smsquared · 04/08/2023 21:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Serendipitoushedgehog · 04/08/2023 20:43

He came to the house yesterday whilst I was in work, took the money from my purse, tv's from the house, and walked mud (purposely I would imagine) through the entire house. Also all mattresses were off the beds.

He is blaming me for him being a 42 year old now living in his dads box room.

He sounds like a spiteful, immature prick. What an absolute arse.

Cakeorchocolate · 04/08/2023 20:33

Sorry, posted before reading updates, glad you did it.

Cakeorchocolate · 04/08/2023 20:32

You're the one left looking after the kids I say get on with it and deal with any legalities of it later.

RitzyMcFitzy · 04/08/2023 20:31

Ugh he sounds like a particularly horrible (42 year old) teenager with his calling you boring, his dramatic strops and disappearing acts, making a mess, stealing from your purse, dangling the ex in your face.

Well fucking rid.

Well done on taking action and making a plan.

It's a shame he's the dad you chose for your kids, sounds like he'll be a fair-weather father at best.

Confusedmeanderings · 04/08/2023 20:24

F

Samquees · 04/08/2023 20:23

If you’re not married for God’s sake get your inheritance money out of joint savings and send it an account in your own name - or to a family member or friend temporally if you can’t set up an account (you can do it pretty much instantly with monzo). Change the password on the account if he has access so he can’t see and then you won’t have to waste energy explaining it at this stage in the game - you can just tell him you changed the password.

I would also take everything I had paid in to any other account you hold and do the same thing with that.

Legal advice first thing tomorrow.

PandaChopChop · 04/08/2023 20:21

What a shame you lost your keys and need to get the locks changed.
Freeze or close the joint account and start getting all your paperwork in order, photocopies of absolutely everything.

Stay strong OP. I left my husband 7 months ago and I've never looked back. Mumsnet has been my saviour, they ate wonderful vipers.
There is a happy life on the other side for you and your children. Just take it one day at a time. You can do this x

dmorse · 04/08/2023 20:10

One clarification: are he and your wages paid into that account, or do you have separate accounts and then transfer money into the joint account? If the former, I would only take 1/2 at most. If the latter, empty it.

If wages are paid into it and you really want to empty it, I would move your income to being paid into an account only you can access, empty it, and then abandon it and pretend it's "his account".

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/08/2023 20:03

FGS, why did you mingle your inheritance with joint monies?

Take it out ASAP.

You need a lawyer.

WasJuliaRight · 04/08/2023 19:58

The bank won’t freeze an account based on an inkling. If either party wants to withdraw the balance they would allow them to do so if the account is either to sign. They will only freeze an account if instructed. I would empty it before they did and keep a record of anything I gave them as and when they needed any money.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/08/2023 19:56

StrawberryWater · 04/08/2023 12:45

On a joint account either party is legally entitled to completely empty a joint account of all funds.

Take your money out now, before he does.

Take the cash, and close the account (or take your name off it if you can't close it.)

JaneorEleven · 04/08/2023 19:38

He stole joint property from your home. Some with a bit of value, I’d imagine, TVs, mattresses etc. I’d consider reporting this theft to the police, just to get his unreasonable behaviour documented. He’s a loon and you’re well shit. Good luck OP.

Royalbloo · 04/08/2023 19:35

Jointly and severally liable. You can but it may have consequences.

MadeForThis · 04/08/2023 19:27

Change the locks and keep a spare key available if he asks. Get a chain lock for the inside too.

Move all DD's for the house to your account. Let him worry about defaulting on his own DD's.

Make sure the account isn't allowed to go into unofficial overdraft. Cancel the whole thing if you can.

Might be petty but I would log his devices off any Netflix, Disney, Amazon accounts that you have. But I'm a bitch.

Jellifulfruit · 04/08/2023 19:23

Goodness, what a rollercoaster for you. HVe you booked the free 30-min call for Monday?