Holiday gatecrasher

Sounds awful OP. There's a lot to be said for going NC with family who are like this, I've done it and it's like a great weight off your shoulders. Please tell the family member that it wasn't their place to tell her your plans.

I absolutely got that one from my NSDM!

If you don’t get why her inviting herself along is such a bad thing, you definitely haven’t dealt with a Narcissist. Think of the person you would least like to be on holiday with. How would you feel if that person invited themselves along on your holiday.

Not understanding her feelings here could be one of two things. Either there are no Narcissists in your life, in which case I would say that is awesome; or you don’t understand the concept of boundaries. Either way, OP is entitled to feel her feelings.

Huge sympathies OP.

Carry on not engaging (much) , offer paracetamol and the suggestion of her going for a long lie down and get in with your day. Yes, go to water park / out etc. Build an imaginary cocoon around yourself. Go for walk in the shade with a book and a bottle of water and leave your Ds with sibling, cousin and her?

"I don't deserve to be treated like this" <sniff> Did you get that one?

OMG we have the same mother! Mine used to do that too. Look at how horrible my daughter is treating me. NC was my only option with a toxic parent like that.

Being nc isn't bad at all op. Very liberating in fact. I told my dc sometimes people just aren't who /what they claim to be. As they became adults they understood a lot more. None have ever contacted her.
She doesn't even know I am a dgm and she is a dggm.. No need she should be told. Allow yourself time to mourn the fact your dm is in the nc box. And literally mentally file her away.

I had a toxic mother like that. I refused to tell her where I lived for many years because she did not respect boundaries and would show up uninvited. She tried everything to get my address. She even once told me she was doing her will and needed my address to put in the will. Nope. I knew better.

I definitely feel for you. I had to go NC and even change my phone number to get her to stop calling me. She then harassed my siblings trying to get information about me. My brother would tell her everything. I finally told him if she found out one more thing about me from him, he and I would be done. He did it again, and I went NC with him too.

I just don’t understand what people like that who will insert themselves into the lives of others when they have obviously been told they aren’t wanted or welcome. I could never do that. Then again, she was what I now understand was a Covert Narcissist. Everything is all about them.

Sorry that was meant for @Confusedby1 . But now I've seen your other posts and I can see you're just stirring.

Maybe you empathize with the mum because you're like that.

Thoughts and prayers.

Really? Have you read the OP carefully, plus the updates, and you still don't understand why it isn't OK?
And you see it as just "time together" that the OP should welcome?

Is this really because she stood on your wedding dress... seriously...

Let me guess, the world is out to get you...

Do people not realise parents are human too and make mistakes... just ciz you have kids doesn't mean you get it right. Mine certainly didn't but its how you act as an adult and don't repeat the same mistakes.

Just move on. Clearly you are both no good for each other. Either have it out with her like an adult or ask her to book elsewhere to stay for the remainder.

Don't get me wrong, I know this, I just don't get why inviting herself along on the holiday to spend time together is such a bad thing?? I still don't understand the original post.. 🙄

I think a lot of people with more normal families genuinely don't get it. Friends of mine still encourage me to reconcile with my mum, seeming to have forgotten all the shit she's put me through. My life is SO much better without her. Well done OP for the fabulous grey rock tactic. Really hope you can continue to make the very best of your holiday - if only just to spite her!

Honestly we could have MN bingo on this thread. We’ve had:

You don’t seem to like her very much
Maybe she just wants a better relationship with you, give her a chance etc
Well you’re not behaving very well either
You shouldn’t have agreed to pick her up (on repeat) - she didn’t!
Be Kind

Do people really not get it?

So many of you here need @HedgehogB 's response:

You’ve clearly never had a narcissistic relative. lucky you

If you don't understand this situation, say a word of thanks to the Fates & move on. Ns are like nothing else on this earth - buffoons who think they're the centre of the universe & nobody really exists except them, who warp everything & everyone around them in order to shore up their phoney self-image. They're both laughable & dangerous. They're pathetic & yet very, very wearing & unpleasant to be around. And once they've got you in their sights, for some imagined slight or for not doing exactly what they wanted you to (without you even knowing what that was), they won't give up or forget; they'll pursue their revenge - although sometimes, due to their bizarre view of the world, their 'revenge' is equally bizarre & laughable.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, well, as I said above, thank your lucky stars & don't criticise those of us who HAVE experienced it.

Let me guess, she pretended it was an accident, acted mortified and everyone comforted HER with all the “oh don’t worry Sheila, it was an accident, not your fault” which she then lapped up?

I'm so sorry this happened to you and im angry on your behalf. By any chance is the sibling your staying with the golden child. As if they are they won't see it from your point of view. I would leave there's no way I could stay. Sending you hugs

How does your DC feel about her and what's she like with them? LC at the very least when you get home seems to be the ideal solution.

This is great OP!
Use this excitement and liberating feeling to enjoy this holiday knowing this will never happen again and you have reached the time where things have tipped over and NC/LC will feel glorious. You have the power back and will have a great time being able to blanket say no to everything now.

This, get up early and go out alone with DC and avoid her. Don't tell her where you are going.

I'd say this is classic narcissist behaviour Op, right down to the fact that you feel like you're the one going mad and lots of other people think you're the one with the problem.
I believe you 100% as I have 25 years experience of living with a narcissist. They are complete and utter mind fucks and they fool almost everyone else.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have a similar situation with a sibling who insists on involving herself whenever I make plans with any other family member. It’s a little petty, but I just ignore her when she starts complaining- I walk away, start a conversation with someone else, put in headphones, go somewhere else to read a book, etc. it annoys her to no end, but I don’t particularly care because she’s annoyed me by interrupting my visit.