Holiday gatecrasher

@TakingTheLowRoad I had a mother like this - I went NC, but it was easier as no siblings.

Just wanted to say that I think you’re doing the right thing not engaging and spending money on activities without her. People like this feed on attention - the more she knows she’s getting to you, the more she’ll do it. The best thing to do (and I know how hard it is) is to show her you’re having the BEST time, off here, doing that there, having the brilliant holiday that you’d have had without her there.

The worst thing about mothers like this is how powerless they make you feel (and want to make you feel); one jerk on the umbilical cord and you feel helpless, at her mercy, less important than her and her feelings. But you are none of these things. You are a strong, independent person and you don’t have to react in the way she wants. You can’t prevent her from being there, but you absolutely can make sure she knows she no longer has that power or you. Grit your teeth, throw money at the problem, and bloody well smile through this so she recognises she’s failed in this particular sabotage attempt 🔥

The golden child is so she has one always on her side, yous pins like youv been the scape goat. One of my sisters is extremely intelligent she was golden child, me and my sister was called stupid and dumdum dum bitch the list goes on because we were average. It’s shitty especially when ur a kid. If I was you I’d take a little no contact break for a month and reassess your relationship with her. If she makes you feel like this is she worth having around regularly or for her to know ur plans

I have a toxic mother to, (haven’t seen mine since i was 13,life has been much better) with toxicity falling on to adulthood, first (if you actually want her in your life) when back from holiday (save awkwardness) sit down and try and keep calm and not regress to an emotional state, and explain how she makes you feel. If she doesn’t listen or gaslights take a break from her for a month and see how you feel. With mine I had to run away she was literally going to kill me

I'm sorry your mum has spoilt you holiday, your rest, your break and your hard earnt money... I do hope you find solace knowing that there is a lot of us out here that hear you and feel you @TakingTheLowRoad 🌸

I am NC with my family and while it leaves a hole in my life it also brings calm that I won't be dismissed as being overly dramatic or that I also won't be blamed for everything that goes balls up in their lives... because I am no longer part of their lives

Sadly you don't know and you really haven't a clue and it shows in everything you say, I'm sorry.

Narcissistic personality disorder.
Read about this a lot. Join fb groups on it. All will make u feel much better about it. My life changed when someone said the same to me. You'll realise there is a certain breed of mother who fall Iinto this category and there's nothing you can do about it ... except keep Yr distance. Learn the grey rock method. I find it so strange that they all do the exact same things, victim, gaslighting, golden child sibling etc.

Good luck!

Well done for avoiding her and not feeding her awful attention seeking ways.

Avoiding her at the airport having no futher contact is the way to go, even if it means you see less of your obtuse sibling.

I think you will find once the decision is made, your stress levels will ease.

Hang in there.

I used to be on a forum for people with N relatives, & several pregnant women on there used this technique when giving due dates to those relatives!

Your mum and mine could be twins!! Don't let her get inside your head and cause you anymore grief, I was in my mid 40's before I was brave enough to take back control from her over me and I've been in counselling too because of her. I've never felt 'good enough' respected or loved, and when I finally decided it was best for my mental health if we had no further contact 3 years ago it was the best decision ever. Feeling free of her sniping and narcissistic controlling behaviour was such a relief. Take care of you and concentrate on caring for those that truly care for you! Good luck 🥰

And also lack any empathy! I have a lovely family, we're very close, and have holidayed together frequently. Would anyone in my family invite themselves on another members trip and not tell them? Like hell they would! So while I've thankfully never dealt with a narcissist up close, I can still see how weird and abnormal this behaviour is!

I would give her dates a week or two after you are going to get home. She can book herself on those dates. You will already be back before she even knows you left. It’s so sad that there are people like this in the world.

Good for you for finding things to do that cannot involve your mother.

I am cheering for you. Don't spend too much time justifying your behaviour in your head.. put yourself first. I tried replying yesterday and suggested noise cancelling headphone and finding space to do some yoga nidra while your son is occupied by relatives / cousins or peraps taking cousins and your son out for early walks or late evening adventures, but throwing money at it and going to a water park sounds great!

Tell her when you're leaving but lie about where you're going.

Some people will never understand, OP, and others will know only too well. Your mother is a manipulative, jealous woman who couldn't stand the thought of you having a happy holiday. Do what you can to enjoy yourself but you know now that you can't trust that family member who you're staying with - surely she should have known you would absolutely hate to have your mum there. Get to the airport at the end of your holiday and completely blank your mum.

Lie! You are not obliged to tell her every detail of your life.

Just don't tell her!

I feel for you. Im dreading mine will join me as she asked exact date we are going. If it happens I will say I worked hard for so long and need a quality time with my family to recharge and will spend every awake hour without her.

Your mum sounds like my grandmother and how she used to treat my DM before she died. Needless to say, my mum doesn’t miss her at all. I only wish she’d stood up to her in life as you are now doing. Keep it up and ignore the idiot posters who are being deliberately obtuse.

People with normal parents don't even grasp what the OP is trying to explain and that's actually very hurtful.

@TakingTheLowRoad please don't mind people minimising the appalling behaviour of your mother. They just can't understand, lucky them.
I went through the same thing with my own toxic mother last year who made me miserable every single day and totally get what you are going through. This year I didn't tell her where we are going and will never tell her again where we are going.
Spend the least amount of time with her for the next few days. Sorry about your toxic mother OP. I really feel for you.

So many posters on here can sympathise, knowing how toxic and two faced such mothers can be. Mine was very similar, really, you will feel so much better when you have cut all ties. It's liberating. Good luck.

Put a turd in her bed

hold firm OP she would love a scene, make it till the end of the Holiday then Low low or no contact.

I can’t help but feel the posters that don’t think it’s that bad must have reasonably good relationships with their family. If you don’t have a toxic parent, you have absolutely no idea how grinding it is.

sorry you’re going through this OP