Hosts are too generous?

We have guests very frequently but have a separate bedroom and bathroom just for guests so that they do not have the feeling that they are 'in the way'.We were invited to old friends of my husbands two summers ago and they also vacated their bedroom for us so I understand how you feel .I was absolutely mortified and felt very uncomfortable .I also noticed that they were not used to having guests as they were both very much on tenterhooks the whole time we were there.It honestly put me off staying with other folks although my own house has a revolving door for guests .I would cut my visit short if I were you.

You have to leave.make very effusive thanks and apologies and go.
To stay with them when they had not invited you directly was cheeky but to continue to stay whilst they are on the sofa is very definitely approaching c.f. Status.

What culture is it because that might be the important thing here.

I would have a chat with them. Say you are not sure if any of this was actually arranged with them and you can’t possibly kick them out of their own bedroom. Is there a hotel nearby you can stay at? It could be their son has just told them that you’re coming without a thought about his mum and dad or the fact that other family is already there!

The poor parents, house in a nice area with pool and their hapless son invites whomever he likes to stay. I don't get why he didn't invite them to stay at his own house??

Are they Italian by any chance?

continentallentil · Today 07:47
It really sounds like a something’s got lost in translation. Quite an odd situation.

I’d head off asap with an excuse”

This. Misunderstanding all round. I’d thank them, give a parting gift and leave asap.

Sounds like miscommunication all around. Why are people telling the OP to just ask the ILs if its ok. Of course these people are going to say 'well, of course you can stay' even if its through gritted teeth and they'd really rather you leave!

They are hardly going to say 'yes, please F off, we have family coming Friday, the sofa is killing my back and its been a massive inconvenience with you keeping us so late at night!'

OP- I'd make your excuses, even if you and DH had to say that something at home has come up, so you will be leaving today.

I Don't get the replies - the op was invited, she didn't demand anything- and the friend and his inlaws are all adults capable of setting their own boundaries.

So if there was no spare room for the op with room for a cot they should have said so, if they had said "it is OK, the in laws can sleep on the sofa".I am sure that the op would have declined. When they asked now long and the op said "a week?" They should have said then if this was too long.

🤣 that would make my (very rainy) day!

My initial response was going to be - Oh they sound lovely, relax and enjoy. Do your bit cooking and clearing up, they obviously enjoy having you.

Then I read the full post. How awkward!

I don't you have BU or a CF at all, it's all a huge misunderstanding.

I'd just talk to your hosts, explain how you feel and explain the offer presented to you.
To just pack up and leave would look really rude. Get it all out in the open and have a laugh about it. They still sound like lovely people, even if their DD and her partner have odd views on letting out Mum and Dad's house whilst they are there!

I wouldn’t give me bed up for anyone. Maybe my young DC, but definitely not a relative or friend. So they’re very generous doing that.

Also, it doesn’t sound like they’ve got space to host near strangers!!

What culture is it?

I think your dh needs a direct conversation with his friend!

OP I completely understand why you feel uncomfortable. Tbh I always prefer to stay in a hotel as I find I can’t fully relax in someone else’s house.

Not really the point of the thread but personally I couldn’t stay in someone’s house as their guest if neither myself nor my partner had met or spoken to them directly before. Precisely because I’d be concerned about a misunderstanding re length of stay or nature of the accommodation . All that said, culture is key here because in some the set-up you describe wouldn’t be unusual at all.

Personally I would thank my hosts graciously, treat them to a meal out and then cut the visit short and book a hotel.

Out of interest who exactly did you think would be staying at the house? Just your family? Or your family and your partners friends family?

I would take the in-laws to the side to speak to them privately and explain that you feel terrible they are sleeping on the sofa and say that you would have never have accepted the invitation if you'd know it would be putting them out of their own bedroom, thank them profusely for their hospitality and generosity but kindly explain that you will be leaving, then leave.

I'd be angry with your partners friend who arranged all this, who wants to holiday with a house full of people they don't even know, putting elderly relatives out of their own bed. Awkward!

'What sort of house has a pool but only one bedroom?'

The sil and dc are in other rooms, God knows where the son and his 4 kids arriving Fri will stay though.

The poor parents, imagine them on mn 'our ds has invited strangers to stay the very week we have our dd here. We are stuck sleeping in living room and they don't go to bed till last mn how on earth can we get rid of them?'.

Op, never accept an invite via a third party. I'd always want to at least have met hosts before sleeping in their bedroom.

For what it’s worth I would personally create a family emergency back home after a day or 2 as I think 3-4 nights is the maximum you should stay with anyone, let alone people you don’t know

Post not unclear at all, not sure why people saying it is

Husbands best friends family stayed with them for a week last year. Let’s call husbands best friend Bob!

Bob and his family spend a few weeks every year with his in-laws

Bob invited ops family to join them and ops husband agreed. However no direct communication was made between op and in laws.

Op posted at 1am in the morning. So when she referred to having stayed up late for 2 nights she was probably including the night she was still in. Ie it’s Tuesday night still and she arrived Monday day so said she arrived “yesterday” as it technically was. However that would mean there were 2 evenings that they had been there

Op had no idea the in laws would be sleeping on the sofa and is mortified. She’s asking for advice not to have her op picked apart

Just ask them?

I think we need a bit more information as this doesn't make a lot of sense at all...

In my culture, it wouldn't be a big deal to stay with people you have never met (friends of friends kind of thing) for a week and I remember as a child my parents hosting Random people or distant relatives for weeks. Once my father's sister in law's sister in law (or something like that) stayed with us for six months or so. She was doing a course in our town. She had accomodation but felt very lonely and homesick so my parents put her up. She slept in my room and I slept in my parents' bed. It wasn't a big deal. She was absolutely lovely and I didn't want her to leave. We often stayed with random people on holiday as well. In fact, it was only if we didn't know someone in the town we were visiting that we would stay in a hotel.

However, in my culture (I'm from India), if you had said that you were going to stay for a week and the hosts had gone out of their way to make you feel comfortable it would be considered quite rude and insulting if you then suddenly changed plans and left.

I'd just have a very honest talk with your hosts. Tell them you didn't realise that they'd be left without a room, maybe offer to move into a hotel (but accept it if they ask you not to), apologise profusely for putting them out and show gratitude and appreciation for the effort they are going to to make.you feel.comfortable. you can thank them by taking them out for a meal. And do help out whenever you can (or have your dh do so if you are busy with the baby) and then return the invitation.

I don’t think it’s “in return” They were invited to visit/stay. Most folks would say for a weekend, I think the op and her husband misunderstood and asked to stay for a week and then asked for their own room and they asked for a cot to be provided. That’s not what you’d do normally. No one invited them for a week.

normally you’d say sure , we’d love to stay for a weekend, are you sure the house is ok, we can easily stay in a local hotel etc. if not convenient, not yes, can we stay a week, have our own room and a cot please.

I really don't understand the set up. You hosted your friend. In return the friends in laws are hosting. So not even like your friends parents that are like second parent to your husband? And even more people are arriving?

Talk with the friend. Say that you were unaware of the set up where parents sleep in living room and ask where the brother is going to sleep with family. Offer to leave earlier etc. Maybe they are used to this and are totally fine or then at least you can make space.

God the mumsnet bitches are out in force this morning. There a lot of people on this thread that need to take a good look at themselves. OP is obviously in a situation where she feels uncomfortable and is asking for some advice. The way she has been spoken to by some on this thread is awful. The fact that many of the posters haven't even bothered to read her updates because they are in such a hurry to stick the boot it is horrible.