Date got me to pay for expensive dinner - bin?

@jannier

he may have thought on seeing where she had booked "fuck this is bloody expensive she expected me to pay last time does she think I'made of money and she can spend it" type thought then when she offered to pay " thank god I can afford to go to work/eat..... Whatever next week"

So why did he order steak, cocktails, large glasses of wine and pudding then? If that was his thinking he would have reined it in.

And £55-60 for all that is not an expensive restaurant.

Oh come on! She didn't say the wrong thing she said "you paid last time so I don’t want you paying again", It's pretty clear she was saying you shouldn't foot the whole bill. She absolutely did not say that she was paying for it all. it's the sort of thing people say and my friends and I say a lot, and any decent person would not equate a sandwich with a dinner where they have splurged and wouldn't make the leap from not paying again (for the whole meal) to not paying at all. And, again, it isn't an expensive restaurant, they ordered a lot.

To do this on an early date is a bit grim.

she picked the place you would assume she knew how much

Why do you assume she didn't? She probably had a rough idea which is why she thought it fairer to split it.

who did she expect to pay.

She expected them to pay half each.

If she expected the guy to pay why is it okay for him and not her

Where does it say she expected him to pay? OP said in her first post that she did not expect him to pay for it all which is why she said what she did so that they could split it fairly

Only if she's paying.

Get a room.

Just great, thank you, and I don't even have to make up rubbish about women being gold diggers on the Internet to get there.

Happily married for 30 years we share all our money and housework. When I was going through chemo he paid everything and did everything when he had spinal surgery I did the same. How are your romantic endeavours

He would literally only be thinking, ‘fuck this is bloody expensive’, if his usual dining establishment is McDonald’s.

Proven by the fact that he ordered up large. Hardly the actions of some country bumpkin who’s never been to an actual restaurant., and could see the prices for himself on the menu.

The OP went on the date expecting to split the bill.

Except she didn't expect him to pay the first time. He offered. And shit, you're really reaching if you think a woman is a gold digger because she wants to see you again after you offered to pay. Plus he ordered steak, cocktails and wine before they had determined who was paying, so presumably he couldn't have been too worried about money at that stage. Unless he always intended to pressure her into paying for it all and I don't think that's the case either from what OP has said.

Some people get really itchy when the matter of the bill is raised and are just determined to put the woman in the wrong. Good luck on your romantic endeavours.

I didn't say she was I said he may have thought on seeing where she had booked "fuck this is bloody expensive she expected me to pay last time does she think I'made of money and she can spend it" type thought then when she offered to pay " thank god I can afford to go to work/eat..... Whatever next week"

Well that's the issue at hand. However, she's definitely not a gold digger if she intended to pay for herself, nor if she could be somehow pressured into covering it all...even if it was a genuine misunderstanding.

But that's not what she told him....if she says she's paying and she picked the place you would assume she knew how much it was costing before she opened her mouth....it's not his fault the wrong words came out.

She expected to split it.

I'm filing this along with the people who think she's a gold digger just for being prepared for the possibility of him paying....because he already had once before, and she wanted to cover herself this time to prevent rinsing him.

OP said that she meant for them to split it in her initial post - it's literally the whole point of this thread

Well first of all I wouldn't pick that place.tell me who did she expect to pay. If she expected the guy to pay why is it okay for him and not her

It wasn’t an expensive place!

Seriously - what would you expect to play for cocktails, large glasses (plural) of wine, steak and dessert, if not at least £50….?

What is with the double standards. If a guy booked an expensive place he would be told he has to pay for it as he knew the prices while booking.

If you didn't want it to be so expensive why book an expensive place

So, the guy offers to pay, and you say I will pay and he took your word for it. He’s such a jerk, he should be able to look into your eyes and telepathically interpret that you meant to split the bill not pay for it.

If there is a Big Red Flag, it would be you; as you will keep failing the guy on your small tests of things, he should magically know about you. How about next time you say, lets split the bill. Then no one has to guess what you meant.

Has a third date happened yet op?

My ex was like this. My (not irrational) need for financial stability/security was gold digging in his books. He wasn’t anywhere near a millionaire (although well paid) so why he thought he was gold digger material god knows. In the words of Heather Mills about (almost billionnaire) Paul McCartney “ If I was a gold digger I’d have gone for someone richer”.

Yeah that was my first thought too. Hope it wasn’t fabricated by a ’journalist’..would not surprise me.

Oh dear @midnightrecovery I thought this thread was prime DM fodder.
I hope the couple involved don't see it themselves.
I doubt we need to start buying our hats.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12368291/My-date-left-foot-bill-second-meeting-never-want-again.html

Exactly. The men I’ve encountered who moan their wife was a golddigger in reality had a woman at home who took care of it and any children very well.

And yes always the ones who don’t have much gold to dig worrying about gold diggers.

Or calling women superficial for caring about financial stability…but it’s alright for them to care about how a woman looks. That’s not superficial of course 🙄

Good point. Women get nothing but a few crumbs of attention when he feels like it. They end up paying his way, cleaning his house and cooking for him, providing child care for any children he has, paying for expensive holidays and hobbies.

Funny it's the broke ones who complain the most about goldiggers.