Inheritance

He's thinking like a rich person

He's a broke bloke.
Tell him to adjust his thinking to his tax bracket.

If he wants nice things he has to go and work for it

@Dillane - I think there is some kind of odd rule about inheritance which means it's taken out of the equation.

I came on to say this. Get divorced before you inherit or it will be included in the divorce settlement. Squirrelling away savings won’t work either as they will also be included in any divorce settlement.

I think he's being very selfish, to be honest. If his inheritance will wipe out your debts then surely that's the best thing to do? Could you say that if he does that you will each have a similar amount when you inherit to spend as you like?

I do wonder if the world would be a better place in inheritance didn't exist.

I’m pretty sure it isn’t ‘personal money’ in the eyes of the Law if you’re married.

*50%

You’re going to have to give 59% of your inheritance from parents to your dh. To avoid that as he does not prioritise you, leave

Inheritance money comes with lots of emotions attached and so framing it as him putting your family second to instruments I don’t think is entirely fair but I can understand why you feel that. For me though I would want to spend it on something tangible and physical - like a last gift and memory of my family member to cherish. Depending on the size of the inheritance and debt I may use some of it to clear debt but I wouldn’t push DH to do so.

Me too.

If a few thousand £ will clear most of the debt then your worry about it and comments as to the pressure of the debt seems over egged.

You are barely in debt. You control all the finances. You seem to think you deserve complete control over all the money.

I'd be annoyed by this as well. It's quite selfish behaviour.

Could he sell his existing instruments to cover the debt, and then buy the new instrument with the inheritance?

It shouldn't be on your shoulders alone to worry about debt.

My DM is receiving palliative care and will leave a similar amount to me and my DBro (about £2k each). We've both said we'll buy something for ourselves this time. When our Dad died, we got £5k each and my brother paid off some debts with his and I bought house furniture. 11 years later, he still has debt and nothing to remind him of his Dad. He really wanted a nice watch but felt it was better for the family to use it on debt. I'm with your DH here.

Why are you solely in charge of the finances? When this is the dynamic it’s easy to see why he feels less pressured to resolve your joint debts- it’s not his problem.

It sounds like he doesn't have the funds to pay for his "passion". Of course you are not unreasonable to want to pay off debt with an inheritance. I did inherit some money from my parents which I am really thankful for. We will be able to pay off our mortgage (no credit card or loan debt otherwise I would pay that off first).

I know not everyone likes Dave Ramsey - and his approach is designed for the US but his baby steps might be a place to start if your DH would watch a video or two.

Family debt isn’t going to be significantly affected by a few thousand £ from his mum.

I think you’re being unreasonable to turn his mums death into yet another battleground about his instruments and family debt that you both ran up and are both responsible for.

It’s a low move to mix the death of a parent into your bones of contention. Yes by all means get a grip on your budget as a team, get a plan to pay off the debt. But this whole prove I’m first by doing what I say with the few thousand your mum left you instead of buying an instrument is really unfair. He’s just lost his mum, this should be about you supporting him in his bereavement not going after a few thousand quid as some sort of love test.

Next time he mentions it say this...
I have decided your 100% right, any inheritance is only to be used by the person who inherits it...
So go for it darling.
Just remember that when I get my inheritance, so don't ask for any if it.....

Have you got him involved in the finances at all? Perhaps if you put it all in front of him in black and white he might understand your concerns?

One solution would be for him to buy something with this money to remember his mum but to identify something older / less good that could be sold?

You both sound pretty poorly financially educated hence the debt. Do you have pensions, a house, mortgage?
I'd be chucking everything at the debt personally. I agree he is selfish especially using the money for yet more instruments. No wonder you are arguing. Hobbies are fine if other finances are in order.
Never rely on inheritance especially with people living into their late 80's 90's their offspring are at least in their 60's by the time they inherit.

It sounds sensible that you should separate your finances and protect your own security and that of your children.

You say that you are in charge of all the finances. This has the effect of him "opting out" of all financial responsibility, and that is not a healthy dynamic.

Obviously he needs time to grieve, but a serious re-set of the family finances is the only way forward in the long term.