Stop being shitty

Yes I think there can be real value in that. How often in real life do people agree and offer platitudes while thinking the person is in the wrong/taking advantage of someone else/needs to stand up to themselves.

There can be value in posters being told that here, and MN has a reputation for blunt advice. Don't ask for advice here and then expect hugs and kisses, it's not the way it works and it's what makes the place great IMO. I've been here over a decade and yes it's changed, there's less humour and more trolling, but MN has always had blunt advice at its core.

And never ever ever believe anyone's story on her internet, especially to the extent it gets under your skin. And never ever ever post anything on here that you think is anonymous, you're more easily identified than you think.

Agree wholeheartedly!

Non Gender Specific Net? 😂😂

I wonder sometimes if they should re-name the site. Mumsnet sounds...well, mumsy....and as others have pointed out it's not just for or about mums. What could it be called?

I think many posters trot out a 'Mumsnet learnt response', that's both unhelpful and unrealistic.

So their replies are all about how absolutely everything in the home should be 50/50 etc, and the DH's behaviour should be virtually impeccable, if it isn't then the OP should leave and so on.

So it's like reading from a textbook where you can't really argue with the logic, but the fact they're ignoring the actual reality really doesn't help the OP.

Plus, there's every chance they've made their relationship to look 'textbook' online but it really isn't that real.

I'm normally empathetic but as the person who trained me as a counsellor said, leaving someone thinking it's OK to not be OK does not help them.

Some MNrs are def too harsh imo, but this is social media so you will find narcissistic, misogynistic and sociopathic behaviour amongst us.

I always assume it's people who would love to say what they really think in real life, but can't, so use MN as a way to do that.

TBH, when I posted about a relationship issue a few years ago, the brutally honest comments were the most helpful. They were things my friends in real life would probably never have said.

Oh no, I think this is too simple.

AIBU (for example) has pretty much always been a bit of a cunty place, and the majority of MNetters are still female.

I think a lot of the cunty posters are men.

I think sometimes, people in real life can be reluctant to say anything even vaguely unpleasant.

Someone being told, 'it sounds like you are letting your friend walk all over you and you need to grow a backbone', might be the wake-up call a person needs.

It's not necessarily pleasant to hear, but is necessary.

I do think some people are just arseholes. I think a lot use the anonymity to be much harsher than they would be in real life. Some people are just dicks who say offensive things to stir the pot.

But…. How many times do you read on here about a woman who works full time, does all the house work. Partner has cheated/goes to strip clubs/talks to other women etc and they’re pregnant with their second/third child. Drives me nuts. And they always seem to say, he’s a good dad. Except he’s not. He’s an abuser and they’re asking for advice that they’ll then totally ignore and start arguing with people trying to offer genuine help and support. Sometimes I write stuff and delete because it’s too harsh. Sometimes I post out of pure frustration of them asking and then ignoring everyone

God, yes. This is so much more vicious than anywhere else I post online. And so much petty faux-concern or pretending not to understand things which is almost nastier than the direct rudeness.

AIBU is the worst for it. Doesn't matter what you did, if you're the one posting then you'll be savaged for your actions. I swear literally the same scenario could be posted by both parties and they'll each get savaged in their own post!

A mum can be defined in many ways and I support all

It’s not just for mums. Lots of childfree people here and they have just as much right to be here.

SN = Special needs
SEN = Special educational needs

Model what you'd like the world to be as best you can.

You may find yourself on your own at the time, but you may be surprised at the influence still doing it anyway, has on others later.

We can't change the world, but we can do a lot to help shape the corner of the world we're in by our own behavior.

It doesn't mean we always must be kind, or tolerate others unpleasant behaviors.

I agree. I have read MN on and off for years and overall there seems to be more frequent abrasive or plain nasty responses. I never start a thread but I have been hassled for some of my comments. That upset me at first but now I just shrug - they don't know me, so it's not personal- and tell myself they're the ones with the issues. I ignore all notifications that I have been quoted unless I feel 'strong' enough to receive criticism - though the vast majority are actually supportive.

Some people are simply mean and nasty. I suppose if you are that way inclined, doing it online is pretty easy.

When people assume every post is in AIBU and respond with aggressive undertones.

Then people point out it's posted in relationship, Chat board etc but people still pile on the aggression.

Sometimes though, you don’t help someone by supporting them, you actually make it worse.

I do try to be constructive when I post, but there are times where people looking for “support” are infuriating, and where (IMO) it would be more helpful to say “stop” or “no” or even “what on earth are you trying to achieve here?”

Mainly because members are allowed to name change, so they can be shitty in one name (within talk guidelines) and absolutely lovely in another.

It's a problem that's never going to go away because name changing is crucial to a lot of people, who don't want to be outed in real life.

This is so true, though it gets me that they always announce name change🤨

It’s a strange one, I’m sure most don’t come on here with the intention of being nasty, but see how others interact with each other and adapt to fit in. I’ve noticed myself being unnecessarily shitty at times. It’s pretty horrible.

Mumsnet has been troll central for many years unfortunately.

Mainly because members are allowed to name change, so they can be shitty in one name (within talk guidelines) and absolutely lovely in another.

It's a problem that's never going to go away because name changing is crucial to a lot of people, who don't want to be outed in real life.

Parents or mum's it doesn't really matter as people have pointed out, there's a child free section. Maybe it was that when first started but I'd different now, anyone know?

'Parents', not 'mums'.

Although I can never remember if it's 'For parents, by parents' or 'By parents, for parents'