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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this weird?

113 replies

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 15:48

Approximately 2/3 years ago, my husband and I were out with our 4 children (then 11, 13 & 15). We came across one of our children's teacher with his wife and very young children. My child recognised him as we'd never met him before. We had a brief and polite exchange of conversation and that was that.
Since that brief meeting, my child has on various occasions mentioned how this teacher asks questions about our family, the way we live etc. I told my child that he was just curious and simply to minimise information given when possible.
This teacher lives down the road from us and sometimes passes our house; on one occasion, the blinds were open and he waved at me from outside and my husband was cleaning the car, so he also stopped to chat to him
This week, whilst we were at work, my 16, 15 & 14 year old were at home. This teacher knocked on our door asking if his young child could use our toilet. My child let him in and he walked in and walked into our living room/dining room (looking around) whilst asking to be directed to the bathroom. Upon leaving, he enquired as to if we were going away this summer, where and who we were staying with.
I cannot help but feel angry that he has come into our home uninvited. Add to that him entering with no adults present AND he's a teacher and should have known better. Taking into account his previous curiosity, am I overreacting by believing that his child needing the toilet was an excuse to satisfy an unnecessary curiosity? I don't want to overthink this, but it's been on my mind all week.

OP posts:
Dombasle · 29/07/2023 17:45

How far down the road?

I certainly wouldn't be asking to use someone's toilet especially if the mum and dad weren't in.

He could have scooped her up and ran home.

I find it odd behaviour and not necessarily anything horrible but certainly overly familiar.

Justleaveitblankthen · 29/07/2023 17:44

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 16:30

When he was chatting to my husband on our driveway, my husband asked him if he lived locally and he said "yes, just up the road". When my husband said "oh on xxxxxxx road", he replied with " yes, thereabouts".

So he was deliberately vague about his own street, yet is massively crashing down all boundaries over your own lives?

How weird!

Do you get any vibes that he is attracted to you OP? 🤔

ostwest · 29/07/2023 17:38

Am I the only one thinking you are overthinking this? You have met somewhere in a restaurant, then started seeing him passing your home (you might not notice him before, because you did not know him then). The toilet situation is a bit unusual, but not really 'out there', when you have little child needing 'to go' and still have 10 minutes to your home, but are approaching vaguely-known people's house, you might as well knock and ask. I have had someone at my door in the same situation and let them in- it was someone I have only seen at my DH's primary school gates.
As for asking your child about holidays- he was maybe just keeping the conversation going.
Idk, I do not see anything strange in teachers' behaviour.

electriclight · 29/07/2023 17:35

The only thing that's odd is the toilet request.

Everything else that you offer as confirmation of his oddness just isn't at all imo.

So what if he walks past with his kids, once stopped to your dh in the garden, once waved to you? I live and work in the same town and certainly do similar. I have always thought it was friendly!

And asking questions - so what? Some people chat and are interested in people.

But the toilet thing is strange. Presumably he didn't know that there were no adults home though? I'd mention it next time you see him rather than stewing and attaching made-up motives.

Scandipandi · 29/07/2023 17:34

I’d think about getting a ring doorbell or a camera by your door..

Scandipandi · 29/07/2023 17:33

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 17:31

Southern Europe

Ok just thinking if he could be curious/fascinated because of this, not that it in any way justifies going into your house.

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 17:31

Scandipandi · 29/07/2023 17:28

What’s your culture op?

Southern Europe

OP posts:
Scandipandi · 29/07/2023 17:28

What’s your culture op?

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 17:23

Someoneonlyyouknow · 29/07/2023 16:42

I'm not normally over-dramatic but it sounds a bit weird. 10 minutes could be too far for a small child needing the toilet but asking for that kind of detail about your holiday is odd. Is your DC reporting his behaviour normally sensitive (they obviously said he was "looking round")? He seems to have been aware of appropriate boundaries when speaking to your husband, being vague about his own address.

I'm not either which is why I've tried to brush it off, but struggling and just wanted to get other people views on the situation. My child is normally, if anything, the one to give the benefit of the doubt. However, on this occasion he said that it was awkward because not only was he surprised to see him on the doorstep, but he also said he felt that because he was a teacher from his school he couldn't 't say no. The layout of our house is pretty obvious as to the toilet not being to the left, yet that's the direction he chose to go in. Plus all the questions at the end.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 29/07/2023 17:21

Yeah it's weird.
I don't understand why so many people are trying to make excuses for him.

SummerWhisper · 29/07/2023 17:18

Don't wish to be dramatic (but of course I am) Have you checked for hidden cameras yet?? He sounds like a creep.

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 17:06

porridgeisbae · 29/07/2023 16:44

I cannot help but feel angry that he has come into our home uninvited. Add to that him entering with no adults present AND he's a teacher and should have known better

@tuscany88 Known better than what? He's not done anything wrong OP. Presumably the child was desperate.

The child may well have been desperate, but he would have walked past 3 coffee places and a public toilet before getting to my house.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 17:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 17:00

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I didn't realise there were trolls on mumsnet

OP posts:
DeadbeatYoda · 29/07/2023 16:57

Are you exotic in some way OP? Is he a nosy, boring Brit that is fascinated by your heritage in so way? ( not that that would bake it okay, just curious) I only ask as you say he asks about your culture.

Tlolljs · 29/07/2023 16:56

I see you’ve just mentioned your culture, perhaps this is what he finds so fascinating if it’s different from his.

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 16:56

CSIblonde · 29/07/2023 16:52

So he's been asking intrusive questions about your child's home life & how you live, then does this. And he's intentionally vague about where his home is ("thereabouts") which makes me massively question his motives. If it's purely politeness, in passing, to a students parent, why the vagueness ? Weird. Very weird. I'd be shutting down any contact outside school asap. No chats on the drive, no letting him in to use the loo. As an ex teacher , to me, he crossed a line & has questionable motives for doing so . There were no adults in the house: did he want to see if the child he teaches/taught was alone?

That's why my husband asked him the road he lived on. We knew that he was one for asking a lot about us, so my husband was curious as to why and whether him even walking past our house all the time was justifiable

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 16:55

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faerieland · 29/07/2023 16:53

Weird as fuck. I think obsessed with you.

Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 16:52

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tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 16:52

Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 16:45

And you son? He has been taught by him for a few years. What’s his relationship with him like?

My son says that he's a good teacher but he asks a lot of questions about us, our culture, what we do, where we go etc

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 29/07/2023 16:52

So he's been asking intrusive questions about your child's home life & how you live, then does this. And he's intentionally vague about where his home is ("thereabouts") which makes me massively question his motives. If it's purely politeness, in passing, to a students parent, why the vagueness ? Weird. Very weird. I'd be shutting down any contact outside school asap. No chats on the drive, no letting him in to use the loo. As an ex teacher , to me, he crossed a line & has questionable motives for doing so . There were no adults in the house: did he want to see if the child he teaches/taught was alone?

Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 16:50

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 16:49

He came into our home uninvited. He taught my child for a term and you think it's appropriate for him to enter our home without us being there. I'm sure the school would view this in a serious light.

Well he asked to use the toilet and your son said yes so not uninvited but still odd

so one term of teaching. Nothing more. And the odd question.

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 16:49

porridgeisbae · 29/07/2023 16:46

It's not like the kids are very young or anything that it was wrong for him to come in once he was invited without an adult being present. 16 is virtually an adult.

He came into our home uninvited. He taught my child for a term and you think it's appropriate for him to enter our home without us being there. I'm sure the school would view this in a serious light.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 29/07/2023 16:48

OnAWobblyFence · 29/07/2023 16:45

A child needing a toilet urgently is not unusual. Although most people, if the child is very young (and OP says the teacher’s children are very young), would just have the child pee at the side of the road in an emergency, rather than you to someone’s house. Although in a residential street that might not be convenient.

i actually don’t believe this even happened but if it did, the teacher is not the only one who has acted weirdly. If someone I barely knew stopped as I was cleaning my car and started talking to me it would be small talk “nice weather! How’s the family? Enjoy your bike ride!” And that would be it. It would never occur to me to quiz them on where they live, down to the actual street name. Why would I need to know that? I’m not planning on going to their house.

Of course a child need the toilet urgently isn’t weird

but knocking on a pupil’s door to ask if they can use the toilet is odd