To feel so excluded

Yes, that could work.

Or you would look an absolute twonk.

Either way you would be noticed!

I also did wonder why no one thought to mention op or asked how she was getting to the venue when they were discussing who is taking cars and who is going in which car. It all seems a bit odd especially since they are all openly sitting discussing it infront of their colleague they haven't invited. They all know OP isn't invited and the person arranging it knows she has invited everyone except OP.

The only way to find out why is to actually ask. It will be uncomfortable but it has to be done if answers are wanted.

I feel like we are missing some information here. If you messaged your colleague then what was her response? If it was me, next time they are discussing it, I’d say loudly ‘Is the invite extended to everyone because I’ve not been invited’? See what happens. It seems very mean to deliberately leave just one person out in such a small office. I also think it weird that no one has ever asked your directly if you’re going or not, which makes me think there’s more to this than meets the eye.

Next time they all talk about it in front of you, I would throw your hands up in mock horror and say in a jokey way ‘I wish you’d all stop tormenting me when I’m the only one here not invited’. I reckon if it was done in a jokey (dramatic) way they may get the hint. That’s what I’d do anyway!

I don’t think I’d want to socialise with these people if they don’t open invite to anyone who wants to come. Honestly I think you’ve dodged a bullet!

i know it’s not nice, try not to take it personally although I know what is hard.
go in, do your job with head held high. Very soon this will implode and someone fall out with someone and you can sit there and grin.

You don't sound like you are being difficult at all, you have played fair all the way. But where oh where is that colleague you emailed who sounded shocked that you hadn't been invited .......? Why hasn she done something - harangued the organiser, told everyone else what the situation is so that they take your side with the organiser....???

Just hold your head up high and try not to let it bother you, easier said than done I know. Just work from home on these days as you said to avoid you feeling uncomfortable and wait your chance to say something as it will come at some point. Have an idea of how you want to respond and don't miss the mark, they deserve it but keep your dignity. You really don't want to mix socially with these people as they have acted despicably and no one deserves to be treated like that.

I once worked in a cliquey place. Group of girls same age as me all went out for drinks every Thursday night and not once did they ask me.

when I asked one of the girls about it, she said “oh well you’ve got the kids so you know we just assumed you wouldn’t want to come”. I told her that was my decision to make.

my error, however, was that because I created a fuss about it I actually had to go on the damn nights out 😂

I have been in this exact position, the only female in the office not invited on a works night out.However the night out was kept a secret on purpose from me, the organiser went as far as changing facebook settings so I couldnt see pics of the night out and emailing the person who say next to me to say I wasnt invited. I totally understand how horrible it feels to be left out.

If they talk about it in front of you, maybe everyone thinks someone else invited you already or it started off small and other people then joined in without a specific invitation type of thing?

This is absolutely appalling. I would definitely start looking for another role somewhere. This is definitely not a normal working environment and if you stay there you will start to become paranoid that you are the cause of this which you are definitely NOT. Even if there was something really weird/mean/bad about you (which I'm sure there isn't), this is not a normal way for your colleagues to behave. Really nasty !!
I really hope you resolve this OP.
🌷🌷

The OP mentioned that she is the only part-time member of staff, and I do think this is relevant. There has definitely been a tendency in offices I've worked in for part-time, temporary and freelance staff to be seen as 'outer circle' when it came to social events.

Is your workplace part of the local authority OP? This happened to me when I worked for the council. I was excluded from the Christmas party, except a nice colleague (the only nice person there) was really annoyed on my behalf and made a huge fuss and insisted I was invited. So I went along and really wished I hadn’t.

Can you pinpoint anything concrete that made you feel like the outsider you said you'd felt before this? Or was it only a feeling you had prior to this, something you couldn't put your finger on? Maybe they've typecast you as a rather quiet , introvert, non social person? Then you never saying "oh that sounds great can I come?" solidified that? It's so weird the organiser walks her dog with you when you both have your dogs at work, which is a nice friendly thing, then excludes you on the night out. I'd feel humiliated & upset too

Exactly this and the manager is complicit in the bullying especially if they knew you would see the message in their inbox. Talk to HR

I would take a deap breath, and then another one, and then ask straight-out why everybody else was invited but not me. Whatever the answer but then you would at least knów why.

I'd totally ask her where my invite is

@LucyD30

Omg that's awful. I can see why you would feel awkward and upset by this.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings further but when they are all sitting there arranging who is giving lifts and going back to which house, why hasn't anyone asked you how you are getting there? It suggests they all know you aren't going, how would they know that unless someone told them your not invited? further point, when you mentioned it to your friend, why didn't she go back to the group and ask why Lucy isn't invite? Unless she did and doesn't want to tell you what was said.

I know you dint like confrontation but when they are all discussing it, that was your opportunity to ask why you weren't invited. They would probably say it was an oversight or some bull but when they are sitting there talking about it and you aren't they would realise they haven't asked you. If I was you I wouldn't go if I did get an invite in the future. I do think you should mention it to your boss and see what she says, maybe just ask her if she's aware everyone invited except for you. Don't let them fob you off with the word oversight though, you need a proper answer.

Please come back and let us know what happens next.

I have a couple of nasty women who have tried to bully me out of a group that I organise (because they want to run it). I am lovely to them, smiling and friendly - they really don't know how to handle it. The best revenge is to live well. OP you don't want a pity invite so I would work from home on those days and in the longer term look for a less toxic work place. You sound like a lovely person, these fucking queen bees whould not be allowed so much power.

Bar forcong a pity invite or shrugging their shoulders what can hr or the boss actually do this looks like an oversoght in communication on all parts op has given the impression she not intetested and colleagues have prob picked up on that or thought someone else has invited her n she refused u can run to hr at every turn try speaking to colleagues and dont mske mountains out of molehills

I think you need to speak to the line manager, and say how it’s made you feel. They could at least be tactful about it! It could be a misunderstanding but you would think when the organiser said she was going out for dinner she could of asked if you wanted to join then? Now you have messaged your colleague you can bet they will all know and true colours will start to show

They perhaps think you have other commitments being part-time which means they haven't asked you. I'd advise you to ask them to include you next time, perhaps send the same person a message if you can't speak up.

I think this is a tricky one. I know not everyone would be as ballsy to do this but you said you thought you all had a good laugh together and were a tight little team so why wouldn’t you just casually say “What’s this? How come no one has told me?” I think what happens next after commenting…then dictates whether it is deliberate or if you’d then be welcomed with open arms into this social event! No one here knows how all the other members of staff are perceiving you. Maybe you are giving off “leave me out of it, leave me alone vibes”. Maybe there’s been a miscommunication and everyone thinks that you are already aware about it and you’ve just chosen not to be involved.

I think personally, it would be more embarrassing to start making bullying accusations and taking it higher without actually acknowledging clearly that you’d like to go or to point out that you’ve never been invited. Let’s say you go to HR about this, it all gets raised as a major issue… what do you want out of it? Because I doubt you’ll want to go out then and I think they all might be a bit reluctant to want you to go especially if you’ve made a mountain out of a molehill when you could have just said “I’d love to come, why didn’t anyone ask me!?” I think you need to take some personal responsibility in making it clear you’d like to go along if you do… if the isolation and exclusion then continues.. then you know you are definitely being singled out and left out. I do think you need to grow a little bit of a backbone and have more confidence before you run off to HR making serious accusations. Be sure first.

I know it feels isolating and being excluded. But as an outsider looking in, it’s been arranged ages on the spare of the moment, everyone was invited except you as you were not there. The next one was arranged that evening, sometimes we are all busy and a lot of things can pass us by without realising.

You don’t want to be seen as indignant here, (don’t mention “why am I not going” as not a way to win friends), be bright and breezy “ooh are you going out, can I come I love a meal out”! If you flip out at them you may only be invited once and you may not be thought well of in future social arrangements. Or turn the table and you organise a meal out for everyone?
Try not to overthink why you were not originally asked, I have forgotten people in the past, I don’t mean to, it’s often me who organises stuff and sometimes I just innocently forget.

I would be looking for a new job op, or at least move to a new office.
They are deliberately excluding you. The person you think is your friend - definitely isn’t.
Also I would bet that there probably is a private whatsapp group they’re all on & your “friend” knows this.
Its tough, but the only resolution is to confront it - which may make the situation worse or remove yourself from it.
Personally I wouldn’t even work in the office until I left the job & definitely wouldn’t interact with the organiser unless it was for work. Good luck.