To hate going to big weddings ?

Although perhaps the firmed thinks it’s “sad” that the op gets engaged and then decides to wait 2/3 years until actually cementing with vows 🤷‍♀️

That’s what I think. The OP’s friend would undoubtedly be so hurt to know that the Op has started a thread about feeling “weirded out”

who needs enemies when…

Weddings are marmite for everyone really. Some love them, some don't. There are lots of reasons people dislike weddings and they are valid reasons. No one has a monopoly in deciding what people should and shouldn't enjoy.

As for me, I really enjoy close family weddings, getting together all in one place, catching up, having a bloody good laugh (our family has a great sense of fun thankfully) and enjoying the food and mingling with everyone.

On the other hand I now decline all invitations to the weddings of friends. No exceptions. My reason for that is I am usually just a friend of the "friend" and one or two others, I can be seated at a table of ten with people I don't know and have nothing in common with, and I find trying to make conversation for hours with strangers is exhausting. So I decline graciously and give a generous present anyway.

I also make sure I decline within 24 hours of receiving the invitation, that means the B+G can invite others who may be on the "perhaps" list!

Each to their own, and no judgment is required I think.

Jayz, imagine if the people who forced you to go to their wedding heard you talking like this. They would be devastated.

there’s a point where anxiety is not an excuse for misandry, which is where you are. They invited you out of affection or duty and you tear them to shreds online. And you must be even more seething inside.

very very sad.

Me too

and even when they aren’t to my “taste” I still love the experience

I love going to a wedding. Big, small, good, bad, I enjoy them all.
To be fair, I love any social occasions where I can get glammed up, meet new people and have a laugh.

Given the OP’s past threads and posts, this is simply the case of a profoundly unsociable and unhappy OP, who rather than decline a wedding politely, instead prefers to bitch and whinge about it.

What a shitty way to live

I think they would prefer if you did decline to be honest then you wouldn’t be slagging off their wedding on Mumsnet

Wish I got invited to weddings. I only go to funerals now. If you hate the joy of it all so much don't go you're probably just making others miserable

The best(worst) thing about this post is that the OP refuses to believe anyone who doesn’t share her experiences. Then insults people when they say they’ve eaten amazing food at weddings by saying they need to eat at better places. The OP sounds like a delight.

Same.

Seems like a you problem OP.

Eh? This for real.. never ever been to any weddings like this.
Think you're making it up.

I've been to four exactly like this as an adult (because I've been to four weddings as an adult) only without the drinking so no hangover.

Now in the unlikely event I'm invited to a wedding I just say no, and everybody is much happier

Weddings are mixed. The service or ceremony is the best bit, for obvious reasons. I can only think of one wedding where the food was seriously good, to the extent that we would have been happy to pay for it in a restaurant.
Family weddings can be a bit grim because, well..... families!
But the wedding of old friends can be a great opportunity to catch up with a whole group of friends.

Where I really come unstuck is the so-called "evening do" - just tacky and unnecessary, when most of us just want to have a quiet drink or to go home. Being asked to stand around and watch "the first dance" makes my toes curl.

But I guess if couples have whatever they want, that's all that matters.
In the unlikely event I were ever to get married again, I would ditch most of the conventions and just have a couple of guests/witnesses.

I think looking back too much money too.
Many guests more interested in creating drama rather than thinking it's the couples special day.

If I did again would be a lot quieter event.
In a nicer venue with less people.
No disco maybe a band or just background music.
No posed photos just natural shots.
A lot of the relatives I never see wouldn't be invited but was all done to please parents and in-laws.
Can't stand most of partners family so most of them wouldn't be invited and my partner would say same now😂

I have been to a lot of weddings that are exactly like this😬

Oh god yeah, weddings are boring AF. The worst ones are for the cousins you see twice a decade (if that) for hatched-matched-dispatched. Fortunately, mine are all paired off now.

The worst one was the final cousin marrying a lady from elsewhere in the world. Wedding was in a little chapel, miles away from anywhere in the countryside. Then the reception venue was a 30 min drive away. They left us standing outside in baking sun (it was this time of year), with nowhere to sit and about 5 cartons of Innocent smoothie to share between 50+ people. Then a random BBQ started up which produced microscopic bites of rock-solid, inedible, unidentified meat.

We then got into the building for the sit-down bit. ENDLESS speeches by "representatives of the brides father" and similar. Who had no actual speech prepared, and just mumbled lists of names and a lot of "errrrr"s.
Then a buffet of more chunks of inedible meat. I think I ate about 3 potatoes.

We made our excuses ASAP, to commence the 2+ hour cross-country drive home. Everyone was massively grumpy by the time we got in, so we all just had bowls of cereal and went to bed!

I admit there's an element of the childish rebel in here, too. It's about being told what to do: 'your attendance is expected', and when you do go it will be exactly the same dross you've seen about two dozen times before. Because ... 'it's just what you do'.

I have this too. I’m a very sociable person so I generally enjoy most social events.

But I dislike formulaic social conventions where people are expected to do things “just because”, and weddings very much fall into that category for me. As do work “team building” events.

It’s not that I don’t have capacity to share someone else’s happiness or enjoy gathering people together I just dislike the very prescriptive approach to it.

This is why I think the idea that not enjoying a wedding makes someone “bitter” is absolutely ludicrous. It assumes that everyone is exactly the same and experiences rites of passage and an emotional response to that event in exactly the same way.

Thinking this one through, it seems what I personally don't like about these events is the level of social expectation placed upon them.

Hence an informal meal in a restaurant for a birthday, even with a large party of friends, I'd enjoy. Weddings not.

Easter/Ostara/Spring holidays, I enjoy. There's no conventional duty or expectation associated with it, we can go away or stay at home as we prefer, and it's a fraction of the work and planning associated even with simple Christmases.

Research based conferences I thrive on, and have organised and hosted plenty of them as well as attending as a delegate. My participation is entirely optional - and as a rule I opt in. Because I can go along, have a great deal of fun with like-minded colleagues (the socializing is brilliant) and can actually learn something.

Compulsory strategy team-building and away days, I loathe with a passion. They are a big investment in time because they never actually achieve anything worth knowing. My organization hosts at least four of these things a year and I shudder at the thought!

I admit there's an element of the childish rebel in here, too. It's about being told what to do: 'your attendance is expected', and when you do go it will be exactly the same dross you've seen about two dozen times before. Because ... 'it's just what you do'.

Not enjoying precision-organised, 'traditional' events isn't misanthropic, and it's certainly not a crime. It's really silly to take offence at someone not enjoying something you do, and vice versa. It would be a very boring world if we all liked the same.

The OP literally states on another thread that her “ideal day” is to have NO interaction with anyone all day.

It seems to me that some of you need to choose your friends more wisely.

I’ve never been to a wedding I haven’t enjoyed.

seek therapy for not enjoying weddings?

Is enjoyment of a wedding a recognised benchmark for mental health then?

I find big weddings breathtakingly naff. Even the ones which are supposed to be very tasteful and quirky and upscale etc (particularly those ones). All the gross symbolism of women being handed from one man to the next which people try to obscure but it's still there. The unbelievable waste and cost -- and the fact that the only time this is considered to be justified in an entire lifetime. The "me me me" behaviour of the bride and the horrible "it's my special day so I'm going to be a total diva" thing. The ridiculous fastidiousness around things like table settings and bridesmaids' dresses and other things which don't matter at all in the scheme of things. The terrible food.

I quite enjoy weddings (though haven't been to one in a while!) but agree with all this. I like the social aspect and meeting people, but the whole set up is generally a combination of cliche and self-indulgence.