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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it really that hard.....? 🤔

868 replies

StillGotBabyBrain · 24/07/2023 23:23

My family is vegan, not a massive deal.

When the school has events, no vegan option, so everyone gets a bbq or food catered and we don't. Not even a dairy free alternative for hot drinks! (Primary school, high school is better).

When they go for sleepovers I get worried parents asking me what should they do, can I provide food and drinks for them...

Pubs and restaurants barely cater for adults let alone add options for the kids menu.

Went to a choir meeting the other week, nothing I could eat from the food included in my ticket price.

Am I being unreasonable thinking it's really not that difficult to provide bread and houmous or vegetable dishes? They're suitable for everyone, so isn't a waste of food! Blows my mind.

OP posts:
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WannaBeRecluse · 29/07/2023 08:59

ElizaAgainn · 29/07/2023 06:38

I'm someone that basically mainly uses natural methods of healing anyway - so wouldnt use that anyway. Am not that up on cancer treatments in the event - as that was one of the things my father died from and he refused most conventional treatment for it anyway (eg wouldnt have chemotherapy for instance when they wanted to do that to him). I "pick and choose" what elements of conventional medicine have some applicability - eg right now I'm 95% certain I've got Long Covid - but I'm using natural methods to get rid of it (eg just worked my way through a course of Ivermectin and one of hydroxychloroqine and using various other natural things to get rid of it and the only "conventional" thing I am planning on is I will be going in getting a chest x-ray - to check out the state of play on my chest, so I've got a better idea exactly what I'm dealing with here).

Sorry that you've got long Covid.It sounds horrible from what I've heard about it. I hope you can get on top of that soon.

I was always the same with natural methods until I got a child with serious medical conditions. Sometimes there isn't a choice and, especially since it's my child, while I can make whatever choice I want for myself, I owe them the best medicine can provide. It would be neglectful to do otherwise.

EhrlicheFrau · 29/07/2023 08:30

Is it really that hard....to either get involved and start providing vegan options or to just take your own vegan options? 😀

WellPlaced · 29/07/2023 08:11

Lavenderosemary · 29/07/2023 07:38

I'm vegan, and often it's okay eating elsewhere, and sometimes it's a bit depressing! Mainly because it's so easy to make a few small switches and for the food then to be virtually the same as the non-vegan food. To be honest, we're very easily pleased, something filling and okay will do.
I think we eat out a lot less now, so I guess it's money-saving.

I remember offering a colleague some vegan gravy with her meal. She was horrified and faked vomiting in a dramatic fashion. I told her it was plain, normal bistro. Bistro is vegan. She was speechless. It was very funny! 😁😁😁

😂
People just don’t understand that actually, the majority of food is vegan.

My friends are generally good at providing me with something to eat, along with a friend who is GF, but I do smile at their amazement “I checked the rice and it’s vegan and GF!!”

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/07/2023 08:01

Iwasafool · 29/07/2023 07:22

I don't know about ivermectin but hydroxychloroqine has been tested on animals from what I have read.

They're licensed medications, one for worms/scabies/etc, the other originally an antimalarial but now used to depress the immune system for things like rheumatoid arthritis or lupus - of course they have.

Lavenderosemary · 29/07/2023 07:38

I'm vegan, and often it's okay eating elsewhere, and sometimes it's a bit depressing! Mainly because it's so easy to make a few small switches and for the food then to be virtually the same as the non-vegan food. To be honest, we're very easily pleased, something filling and okay will do.
I think we eat out a lot less now, so I guess it's money-saving.

I remember offering a colleague some vegan gravy with her meal. She was horrified and faked vomiting in a dramatic fashion. I told her it was plain, normal bistro. Bistro is vegan. She was speechless. It was very funny! 😁😁😁

Iwasafool · 29/07/2023 07:22

I don't know about ivermectin but hydroxychloroqine has been tested on animals from what I have read.

ElizaAgainn · 29/07/2023 06:38

WannaBeRecluse · 28/07/2023 23:00

I only buy animal testing free products when it comes to things like shampoo, creams, etc. I don't wear make up, so that's never been an issue. While I don't approve of testing on animals in any context, I don't deny necessary medications though. I suppose the follow up question to your comment is, "But, if you got cancer, would you refuse any surgery or treatments if medications used had been tested on animals?"

I'm someone that basically mainly uses natural methods of healing anyway - so wouldnt use that anyway. Am not that up on cancer treatments in the event - as that was one of the things my father died from and he refused most conventional treatment for it anyway (eg wouldnt have chemotherapy for instance when they wanted to do that to him). I "pick and choose" what elements of conventional medicine have some applicability - eg right now I'm 95% certain I've got Long Covid - but I'm using natural methods to get rid of it (eg just worked my way through a course of Ivermectin and one of hydroxychloroqine and using various other natural things to get rid of it and the only "conventional" thing I am planning on is I will be going in getting a chest x-ray - to check out the state of play on my chest, so I've got a better idea exactly what I'm dealing with here).

WannaBeRecluse · 28/07/2023 23:00

ElizaAgainn · 28/07/2023 12:01

There are people who won't allow testing of anything on animals and refuse to participate. I'm not a vegan - but I won't knowingly participate in animal torture. Hence I refuse to do anything to help with cancer research - as I know that involves animal torture. I give the benefit of the doubt to people who do contribute towards that - as I assume they don't know that fact or they wouldn't do it....

I only buy animal testing free products when it comes to things like shampoo, creams, etc. I don't wear make up, so that's never been an issue. While I don't approve of testing on animals in any context, I don't deny necessary medications though. I suppose the follow up question to your comment is, "But, if you got cancer, would you refuse any surgery or treatments if medications used had been tested on animals?"

5128gap · 28/07/2023 15:52

Brieandcamembert · 28/07/2023 13:24

Shame the children miss out on school and party events for a lifestyle choice.

'Missing out' on a ham sandwich isn't missing out on the event. Wouldn't be much of a party if the only thing going for it was meat. There is more to life you know!

Brieandcamembert · 28/07/2023 13:24

Shame the children miss out on school and party events for a lifestyle choice.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/07/2023 13:09

Not teetotal.

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 13:03

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:45

I suppose the message about Hitler is beware teetotal vegetarians who love animals and are lapsed Catholics. There must be more of them.

Haha.. You’re very unlucky Grin ! My husband eats meat so he’s not a complete madman he’s only half way there..

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:45

I suppose the message about Hitler is beware teetotal vegetarians who love animals and are lapsed Catholics. There must be more of them.

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:43

No one has ever said the Hitler thing to me but they have said he was a Catholic. I have to point out he'd left the church as an adult. Of course he was also a vegetarian and loved animals.

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:41

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 12:26

All I can assume is they think he’s some kind of madman and he regularly gets reminded by people that hitler was teetotal Confused

I obviously drink for two due him not drinking Grin and I have a free taxi when we I go out! Win win!!!!

I never understand why people don't take it as a win that they know they have a sober driver to get them home.

A friend was telling me that she had been stuck on New Year's Eve as she needed to get to the hospital as a relative was seriously ill. She'd had a drink and couldn't drive and so had her husband. I asked when she didn't ask someone for a lift and she said well everyone will have had a drink won't they. I pointed out that she definitely knew one person who she could guarantee was sober but I suppose it was such an outlandish thought it didn't even occur to her.

StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:40

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 12:26

All I can assume is they think he’s some kind of madman and he regularly gets reminded by people that hitler was teetotal Confused

I obviously drink for two due him not drinking Grin and I have a free taxi when we I go out! Win win!!!!

Vegans also get 'Hitler was a veggie'...

Well there you go, go against the grain of society and you're labelled a mass murdering extremist 🫠🫠

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:38

StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:14

Also teetotal. Why do people think that's weird? 🤔

Someone once told me they don't trust someone who doesn't drink! 😂

I think some people don't like the fact that you are stone cold sober and witnessing their stupid behaviour when they have had one too many. I've found that particularly at work do's. Going into work the following Monday morning to find out you ripped your blouse off and propositioned the boss and the only people who remember are the ones who don't drink must feel uncomfortable. The thing for the sober person to do is not mention it, don't make people feel uncomfortable and when they say with a worried look, "did I do anything embarrassing" you say "you seemed fine to me."

I think some think you are missing out and they are doing you a favour introducing you to the joys of alcohol. When I was quite young an older man at work was trying to get me to have a drink, nothing dodgy as my boyfriend was with me so I know he wasn't trying to get me drunk for nefarious reasons. Anyway I said I just don't like the taste and he said persevere, you'll get used to it. That seemed so mad to me, why would I have to get over my distaste of it, there's things I like the taste of.

Obviously people can drink responsibly but there are some events where it seems everyone is roaring drunk except the teetotal people. Complicated by the fact that some people think they weren't drunk when they clearly were which can be funny but again you have to be careful not to laugh.

The thing that can get awkward is when someone is clearly over the limit and insists they are driving home. I was at one do where a man was so drunk he literally couldn't stand and his mates carried him out and put him in his car and put his keys in the ignition for him because he really hadn't got the coordination to do it himself. Now that was a tricky one.

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 12:26

StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:14

Also teetotal. Why do people think that's weird? 🤔

Someone once told me they don't trust someone who doesn't drink! 😂

All I can assume is they think he’s some kind of madman and he regularly gets reminded by people that hitler was teetotal Confused

I obviously drink for two due him not drinking Grin and I have a free taxi when we I go out! Win win!!!!

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 12:26

StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:13

I thought I had answered. I don't get hurt, no. I said that it is my job to be criticised. It goes hand in hand with being in the public eye and taking accountability for my decisions and actions. What I must do is learn from people's feedback and do the best I can.

What you've written on here isn't feedback, unless you've sent them a link so they can read your "feedback."

StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:14

Also teetotal. Why do people think that's weird? 🤔

Someone once told me they don't trust someone who doesn't drink! 😂

OP posts:
StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:13

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 10:47

I'm not assuming anything, actually I think it is really rude to come on and criticise people who are giving up their time to raise money that will benefit your children.

It is amazing about the vegan sweets, it seems like everywhere you go the vegan products are the most popular. I can't believe that big businesses haven't figured that out. Of course people have reported on here that the vegan stuff doesn't get eaten and is a waste. Who knows?

You don't seem prepared to say if you'd find it hurtful if people in your parish came on here to run down what you are doing in your role with the parish council.

I thought I had answered. I don't get hurt, no. I said that it is my job to be criticised. It goes hand in hand with being in the public eye and taking accountability for my decisions and actions. What I must do is learn from people's feedback and do the best I can.

OP posts:
StillGotBabyBrain · 28/07/2023 12:04

twinkletoesimnot · 28/07/2023 09:33

Absolutely! Totally agree.

Except that all of what has been written is scientifically proven to be incorrect....

OP posts:
ElizaAgainn · 28/07/2023 12:01

WannaBeRecluse · 28/07/2023 09:55

I looked both items up and was very surprised. I suspect it's impossible to avoid animal involvement in things completely. Often we probably don't even know. But most medicines will have been tested with animals somewhere along the line and I don't know of anyone who avoids those.

There are people who won't allow testing of anything on animals and refuse to participate. I'm not a vegan - but I won't knowingly participate in animal torture. Hence I refuse to do anything to help with cancer research - as I know that involves animal torture. I give the benefit of the doubt to people who do contribute towards that - as I assume they don't know that fact or they wouldn't do it....

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 11:47

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 10:59

My husband is teetotal and he would get better support from friends and family if he told them he was a serial killer, they think he’s an odd ball, gets talked about and never gets invited out! I on the other hand drink like a fish and get invited to everything! It’s bizarre

Crazy isn't it. At one time I got so fed up of it I started to tell people I was an alcoholic, one drink would undo all my efforts to be dry for years. I still got pressure from some but not as much.

Ineedwinenow · 28/07/2023 10:59

Iwasafool · 28/07/2023 10:53

I think people who are militant about any personal belief are a pain. Leave other people alone to do what is perfectly legal.

I'm teetotal, have been all my life, I won't go into the details but I have good reasons for my views on alcohol but I'd never say anything to people who enjoy a glass of wine or a beer. It is also a pain at many social gatherings as there is an assumption that all adults drink alcohol so I might go to the BBQ where the OP is upset there isn't a good enough vegan option and I see red wine, white wine, beer, cider and I'm offered what? Maybe a mixer like tonic water, I don't like it, or orange juice, it gives me migraine. I either have a can in my bag or ask for water or if I'm feeling terribly demanding I might ask if I can put the kettle on for a cuppa. Is it really that hard to cater for us? I just accept that hosts have lots of different plates to keep spinning.

My husband is teetotal and he would get better support from friends and family if he told them he was a serial killer, they think he’s an odd ball, gets talked about and never gets invited out! I on the other hand drink like a fish and get invited to everything! It’s bizarre