AIBU - Alcohol consumption.

I wouldn’t have a problem with that drinking at all. One or two bottles of beer - assuming they’re not enormous litre bottles and more like a corona or something - on most evenings, not going overboard or getting drunk and perfectly able and willing to have time without - I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I think you’re coming at it differently if you feel worried about any alcohol (you said zero tolerance as you were growing up) - one small bottle of beer doesn’t by any means have inevitable drunkard consequences. Of course it might, but there’s nothing you’ve said here to indicate it does.

"Have you met his family" 🙄

Have you RTFT?

The men who I was talking about were financially secure, which is why they wasn't interested in "your rain soaked, closed minded, mean spirited, dismal little country" (said by one Turkish man at a party in the UK because it was assumed he'd want to come here to live). He's an avid diver, so I suppose he'd add shit ridden seas to the list. Has he spent that amount of time in the UK? Are the women still working, the men pitching in, after pregnancy? Do his family follow a religion? My friends found that things changed after they had a child.

Not a problem given what you've described and in that culture. Yes, you may be stricter coming from a different context but I really wouldn't describe it as a drink problem in any way. It sounds as though he's sensitive to your feelings about it as well. Having said that, it might be a sign of a deeper cultural clash, so worth some conversations.

I personally don't see what you are describing as a problem/ problem drinking. A beer watching the waves after a hard day at work, I'd grab a coke and enjoy it with him.

I know someone said problem drinking is when it is a problem for your family. But I don't think what he is doing is a problem.

You of course are allowed to not like it, and to not stay with some one who drinks a beer or two daily.

Wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d not begrudge him a beer after a long day at work, if it really was just one!

One or two beers in the evening? Wouldn’t be a problem for me and would be quite normal for a lot of people I know.

Also, even people in a culture where regular drinking is normal can have drink issues. It's a well known idea that in cultures where people drink little and often (wine most nights with dinner or with lunch etc.) it's a healthier approach to alcohol, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people who drink more or people who drink more than they would living in an environment where alcohol isn't a daily occurrence.

I think the fact you're here on a forum asking whether you should trust your instincts that it's not a healthy thing says a lot.

I couldn't/wouldn't be with a man who drank more than occasionally, personally. But I've seen problem drinking first hand in my family and know how easy it is for regular drinking to become daily drinking to become heavy drinking and so forth. So regular drinking wouldn't be something I'd aim for in a partner/future spouse/future father of my children. It just isn't something I'd want them growing up around and seeing as normal.

DH probably drinks maybe three or four times per year, a couple beers. I probably drink a few glasses of wine a couple times per year, for reference.

I grew up in a zero tolerance to alcohol household so my views may be biased

I think they probably are biased a little bit, to be honest. Your boyfriend's drinking is not problematic at all, from what you've described. If you've grown up in a teetotal household you probably don't have anything to compare your boyfriend's drinking.

So he's essentially having one or two drinks each evening while you wind down at the end of the day? I honestly know countless people who do that.

Personally I'd have no problem with this at all. I've lived with an alcoholic man before, and one of DP's siblings is an alcoholic. DP's sibling holds down a job and doesn't drink at work but will have several drinks every evening, drinks from lunchtime onwards all day at weekends, and absolutely will not agree to go to any event or venue where they won't be able to have a drink. If we go for a meal with them and their partner, they'll have had three or four by the time they've finished their starter. My ex couldn't go for a day without drinking and started at about 2pm every single day, and was drunk to some extent every single night.

What you're describing - one or two drinks after work, six nights a week - doesn't really sound like someone with an alcohol problem to me, and I personally wouldn't ask them to stop because it simply wouldn't bother me.

However, it sounds like it does bother you, and if it bothers you, it bothers you. So maybe you need to have a think about what it is about your boyfriend's drinking that worries you, and talk it through with him to explain. I don't think your boyfriend has a drink problem, but it's obviously something you're uncomfortable with so I think you need to ask yourself if it's a deal-breaker or not.

Yeah that wouldn't worry me, just stop focusing on it being an alcoholic drink because it sounds like a safe social activity. You say he's a beer on the beach I think a lot of people tend to drink a bit more in the summer because they're out and about more in the evening, all that might stop when the evenings draw in and everyone is home more

I wouldn't be bothered about one or two beers after work. He doesn't sound like he has a drinking problem. I know many people that have a glass of wine or two with dinner every night and again doesn't seem to cause them any issues. I think I would be bothered if he was getting drunk every night. I think it will sound controlling if you ask him to stop having a beer after work, especially as it doesn't impact you and his behaviour isn't impacted by it

I can't really see a problem with this, if it's 1 or maybe 2 beers after work?

If it’s just habit to have one beer after work I don’t see that it could be too damaging to health.

Not sure that using alcohol to unwind is the best way to distress though.

The problem comes when life is more stressful than now, and one beer turns into three turns into the whole night one after another.

Of it’s just the idea of one beer sitting down relaxing them could he try low alcohol beer? There are plenty to try.

I personally wouldn’t see a problem with that. One or two beers after work, which he doesn’t have to have, you can afford, he doesn’t get drunk from and which he abstains from if doing something else instead I think is fine.

a
bottle of Peroni is 1.7 units. One or two a night max 6 days a week is 10-20 units.

the guidance is not more than 14 (some medical sources say 21 for men) units a week (which he probably does, if he isn’t doing 2 every night which it doesn’t sound from your posts that he is), no bingeing (he isn’t), and several drink free days a week- according to you he has at least one day off drinking when he doesn’t work, but you also say he doesn’t drink when you have plans, so maybe it’s more than 1 day a week? This is the only guideline he might be infringing.

I think it's just a different culture around drink. I assume when you say he's a drink here and there you mean one drink? As in a beer or something but doesn't drink to excess or binge like the culture of drink in Britain (and Ireland) tends to be. He isn't getting drunk and likely able to stop if he wants. Sounds like how they drink on the continent where they may have a drink every day but they could sit for hours chatting over one or two drinks with maybe a coffee thrown in. I don't see it as a major problem tbh

Nothing you've said implies any problem to me (including the amount: 1 or 2 beers most nights, so maybe 10-14 a week).

My DH has told me many times that he is going to cut down/give up. He never has.
He will tell you whatever you want to hear to keep you.
Think about yourself and your future children. Is this what you want ?

More than one unit a week seems to be condemned on MN.
The fact though that you raise it means you are worried about. It may be such a part of life for him in Turkey that you would have to learn to accept it, and if you can't then (another popular refrain here) leave him.