Baby is ruining us

I havent read repliea but mom of 5 here- cosleep (check safe sleep guidane first Lullaby trust) and get a baby carrier like ergo omni 360.

happy baby=happy mum :)

My DS was the same. He would be up all night. No interest in naps during the day. He would get seriously over-tired. The crying / BF cycle was so hard… I didn’t do set naps at all, or even set bedtime / routine until he finished BF aged 1. He only did contact naps, sling / carrier, pram walks, co-sleeping. He’s the same now. Would never go to sleep on purpose!

Please update! Hope it’s sorted for you

I don't have any really different advice, all four of my kids were like this to a greater or lesser extent.

It could be worth trying to put the crib on an incline, for sure, it probably isn't the issue but I've known one or two people where it solved the problem right away.

My advise is sleep training. I don't really think it much matters the method, choose what appeals to you. One thing you might say to your husband is that although allowing crying might seem mean on the surface, your child is miserable from lack of sleep, all day, every day. It's affecting her ability to enjoy the world and all of her relationships.

A few days of good sleep will probably make a change that will be difficult to recognize. There are also real health consequences around lack of sleep, like poor immune response.

Being so overtired in itself makes going to sleep more difficult. With my oldest, I had also given up on naps, and as soon as she started sleeping through the night, she started napping too. Her whole personality seemed to change, she was able to cope with all kinds of things she couldn't before. I had felt bad about sleep training, but once I saw how much better she seemed after, I felt badly that I hadn't tried it before.

My baby is 6 months (3 months corrected) and I completely understand everything you’re saying! She will only have a nap around 4pm now and by then is so overtired it takes an age! Add into the mix that unless she has a contact nap she will not nap.

I caved and bought a baby carrier so I could get things done. Night times here are horrific, I’m talking she will sleep for half an hour, up for 3 and another 15-20 mins sleep!

None of my kids have slept great at all, infact my middle daughter was 4/5 when she eventually went a whole night! She did however get better at around 1 and was up twice but right back down.

I did CIO with my oldest, it worked for us but with my middle and youngest it didn't.

I do however put my baby in her pram and walk with her, she hates the pram and screams for a good while but does eventually settle. This gives me some sanity and I grab a coffee for on my walk.

Complete sympathy and solidarity with you Mama ❤️

100% recommend this too.

Don't force during the naps in the day.

Bath before bed add adrop or two of essential lavender oil to bath water.

A drop on bedding too.

Find an expert
We used the Cheshire baby whisperer and cannot recommend her highly enough. For a very affordable price she might save your sanity
Sending sympathy.

Utterly cut in from first post to reply, 400 posts in: so what I'm about to say will possibly have been said 399 times so far. but:

Controlled Crying.

But it works best when you're both at the end of your tether.

You cannot carry on like that. You can't parent your child well when you are on your knees with exhaustion.

My eldest at 8 months took 3 nights to get the hang of it. Younger took 2 nights.

You're doing it for all of you.

Eldest is now 24 and apparently not scarred by learning how to self-settle.

I had to do this with both of mine - hard but it was definitely what they needed.

@llizzie your first response is absolutely ridiculous. It is humanly possibly to love, while also being annoyed by, a child of any age.
How disgusting of you to load up this poor sleep deprived woman with more feelings of guilt when she is obviously struggling.

It might be best if you take your sanctimonious judgments elsewhere. Why don't you start a 'perfect parent' class if you're so brilliant?

@llizzie this is the worst advice I’ve ever seen on Mumsnet. Mothers cannot function without sleep. Not all babies feed in their sleep.

Appalling comment from you.

Sleep train. Pay a good consultant for a plan so you don’t do it half-heartedly. There are gentle methods, they just take a bit longer.

We did it at 7 months - no regrets.

This comment is about as useless and unhelpful as you can get. Being frustrated with a difficult baby is as bad as racial hatred?! Sorry, what?!

When a child reaches reasoning ability, you can tell them that children only grow when the sleep. It is absolutely the truth. Every child wants to grow, otherwise, why the tape measure on the wall?

I had one of these.
Her brother had been a dream, put himself into his own feed/nap routine at a couple of months. The Incredible Non Sleeping Baby was a massive shock to the system!

As pp have suggested, I stopped trying to get her to nap.put her in car seat, put her in buggy, carried on regardless. Put her in a sling at home if she wanted to be carried. Bed times weren't brilliant. We did CIO when she was 10 months old. 17 days of Hell, but she did learn to settle.

Ahhhh I really feel for you! My daughter was exactly the same, honestly just hated going to sleep and took hours and hours to get to sleep in a bed. Cry it out didn’t work with her, we just stopped trying to get her to sleep at certain times and took her to bed when we did and day time naps were when we were driving around to places in the car. She’s 7 now and she still struggles to go to sleep but thankfully we don’t have to lay at the side of her anymore! We’ve recently realised she’s got ADHD and that’s why she struggles to sleep, she said her mind is racing so much it’s hard to stop thinking enough to sleep even if she’s tired.
The things that have worked for us after a lot of trial and error - calm sleep app stories (white noise didn’t help), no tv or any kind of stimulation an hour before bed, bath for quite a long time and have it on the hotter side of warm, banana before bed (it’s got melatonin in which makes you sleepy), room quite cold but a warm enough blanket, prop up the bed a bit so they’re sleeping on an incline for potential reflux (we have a wedgehog under the mattress). I’d also maybe take her to sleep a child osteopath, there’s one near us that does the first session free. A lot of babies that don’t sleep might have pains in their neck or back, especially if you had a bad birth. It really really helped my friend and she went from a baby not sleeping at all and crying all the time to sleeping through! This didn’t help us (we tried) but it’s definitely worth a try!
Hope it gets better for you. Sending my daughter to nursery for half a day when I was on maternity really helped my sanity! I just used to go and lay on the sofa and stare into space with a cup of tea!

My baby was not as bad as this as settling but he used to wake up every 45 minutes. I had done all the co sleeping/breastfeeding/gentle parenting and I couldn’t cope anymore. The impact of it was unbearable. I hired a sleep trainer. Within 4 nights he slept through the night and we’ve never looked back. He’s now 6 and has really good sleep habits and is a happy little boy. We didn’t do cry it out, we did gradual retreat so I didn’t leave him. Having a sleep trainer absolutely worked for me and it saved my sanity at the time. I had another baby after who was a great sleeper but if she wasn’t I would have done it all again.

I would take little one to an osteopath, op. Sounds like she could be in pain if she doesn't like anything (this happened with my first)

I don’t either sometimes I feel like having a big scream when it’s been a long day and just want to be alone in bed.
it hasn’t caused my children any harm and wish we had done it sooner as would have made us mentally happier and healthier as a family as being tired and stressed by it all every day doesn’t give children the best start in life either.

I feel for you op. Whrn you are so tired wverything is too much. I used to put mine to bed at 7pm from about 6 months and let them get on with it. I'd go in and out so they would know I was around and leave the door open so they could hear noises but oherwise just let them cry as i knew theyd been fed and were safe. They all very quickly just somehow learnt to go to sleep. They're all happy adults now so no harm done I think. Also I was a better parent because of it as I wasn't so wasted during the day. Give it a week and see what happens. Good luck

You could see if your local children's centre or health visitor has a sleep clinic you can attend for some guidance.

I had a difficult napper, in the end, we did 'controlled crying' sleep training (please don't lynch me) and it was the only thing that worked. I want to make it clear that I never let him get hysterical, hyperventilate, gagging, coughing or retching like some methods I've read about. I sat just out of sight with the baby monitor in my hand at all times.

@Notfeelinglikemyselftoday

ok, I’m imaging saying that about an adult or animal… and I see no issue 🤷‍♀️

This is really grim. Imagine saying this about an adult or animal.