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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it time?

34 replies

Pippa12 · 23/07/2023 18:49

We had our beautiful 16 year old terrier since being a puppy, he’s been amazing, never an ounce of trouble.

The past 6-12 months have been challenging. He paces constantly, he scratches to leave the room, then immediately scratches to come back in. He now does his business in the house almost daily (twice today despite me being in!). His back legs are going and he’s fallen down the stairs a few times. He’s stone deaf, literally no hearing. Partially sighted at best. He does not want to go for a walk or play. His breath is unreal, his teeth are rotten, I took him to the vets but they said he wouldn’t survive s GA to do the work needed. He’s lost a lot of weight despite him eating normally. He snapped at a lady last week (she went to stroke him- didn’t ask) thankfully he’s no teeth but I was shocked as it’s so out of character.

On the other hand he is still mobile (slowly and cautiously). His appetite is insane (I actually think he forgets we’ve fed him) and drinks no problem. He does seem to recognise us still although he’s not too bothered about affection. He would walk on the lead around the block.

I feel like it’s time we started to think about saying goodbye, my husband thinks he’s still eating, drinking and walking so its too premature.

Its heartbreaking but i cannot cope with the constant urinating and pooing in the house, watching him aimlessly wandering like he’s no idea where he is…

Whats the right thing to do? Would the vet advise us what’s best for him or do we make the decision?

My husband wants to wait (till it’s obvious ie: fits/heartattack/stroke)… I’d rather it be controlled and calm…

who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
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TonTonMacoute · 24/07/2023 19:31

It's the best thing you can do for them, and absolutely the hardest.

We had to have both our beloved cats PTS, a year apart (at 16 and17). In both cases the vets were great and said you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Hopefully your vets might be able to help persuade your DH.

Hankunamatata · 24/07/2023 19:02

Sending you hugs. Your post brought a tear to my eye. You boy is loved and your showing your love by being so worried about his well being. I hope it all goes peacefully at the vets

MouseMinge · 24/07/2023 18:50

Sending lots of love your way, @Pippa12 . I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing and it's one last act of love for your lovely boy. X

Poppysmom22 · 24/07/2023 17:37

Sending you a big hug X X X

RobertaFirmino · 24/07/2023 15:09

Pippa12 · 24/07/2023 14:26

Thank you to each and everyone of you for your kind words. My husband is on board, we are taking him to the vets. Thanks again, heartbreaking day.

You will be giving Doggy the luxury of a good death. Painless and swift, with those who love him nearby. Spared from any further suffering. I hope to depart in a similar manner. This is the last kind thing you can do for him. Much love to you all.

Mollyplop999 · 24/07/2023 14:35

TheCrowFromBelow sorry to hijack the thread but what did you mean about your cat please? Mine is really struggling with his back end . He's getting less and less mobile. He's still eating etc but I'm worried he will go out and get stuck or collapse.

Original poster
Pippa12 · 24/07/2023 14:26

Thank you to each and everyone of you for your kind words. My husband is on board, we are taking him to the vets. Thanks again, heartbreaking day.

OP posts:
namechange998 · 23/07/2023 21:45

We had our adored 14 year old DDog PTS last month. It broke my heart and I still struggle daily without her here but as much as she happily ate a malted milk biscuit on her way into the vet her eyes were so confused and worried and I couldn't have lived with myself if I kept her going because I couldn't bear to let her go. We all don't really remember a time without her and still have her food bowl and bed down. It's the price we pay for getting to have these amazing souls in our lives x

Eloweeese · 23/07/2023 21:29

It is time. X

MouseMinge · 23/07/2023 21:04

I understand why your husband doesn't want to do it yet but you are right. It is time. It's so bloody hard and whenever I've had to do it I've always felt horribly guilty, worried that it's too soon, too late, too anything. It sounds like the poor thing has dementia, your dog, not your husband, and it will only get worse. Sending you so much love, this is the trouble with our beautiful boys and girls, their life span and ours don't match. Take care, and give him lots of love and cuddles now that you've made your decision. He'll be grateful that you're letting him go.

unvillage · 23/07/2023 20:23

Better a week too soon than a day too late. He sounds like he's miserable. It's time, I'm sorry.

Catusrusty · 23/07/2023 20:17

My heart goes out to you OP, it very much sounds like it is indeed time.

If you can afford it can I recommend cloud 9 vets? When I had to have my beloved pet put to sleep, they came to the house. All the family were round him. He hated the veterinary surgery, instead he died lying on a soft rug in front of a roaring fire with all of him family sat on the floor around him.

It was still so hard to let go, but knowing he was in his safe place helped immeasurably.

Original poster
Pippa12 · 23/07/2023 20:07

Thank you for you kind words. I will speak again to my husband.

If I’m fair to him he does help with the cleaning up after him. In fact he does the lions share of dog duties, always has. The dog and my DH have always had a very strong bond. He’s also never had a pet (not even a fish) whereas I’ve been here before. He’s a good and kind man, but I admit his kindness is misplaced in this instance, I think he knows deep down.

My children have also never known a life without our boy. In fact, I can barely remember life without him.

Lots of love to those who’ve lost their fury friends, it really is so agonising to watch.

OP posts:
McaRoonie · 23/07/2023 20:05

My girl was only 7. She started to bark in the night for no reason, started to scratch the door. We didn’t know what was wrong.
Found out she had cancer- lots of cancerous tumours that they couldn’t operate on. She was still eating and drinking.
they told us it would be cruel not to put her to sleep- there was nothing we could do.
I don’t think it’s always the case that they are eating and drinking is a reason to keep them alive. I’m so sorry for you. It’s awful. Takes a long time to get over. Broke our hearts.

Trundlebus · 23/07/2023 19:46

You could have been describing my darling cat who died two weeks ago. My cat was on thyroid medication since last year with only limited results. He ate like a horse but was skin and bone towards the end.He was 17 years old. It's the most shitty part of having a beloved animal in our lives that there comes a time when you know the time is right, I know he's at peace but doesn't stop it hurting like hell.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/07/2023 19:46

Poor little dog - and poor you - but really, this is not kind or loving. There's no way he is ever going to get better, is there? Only worse. Do the only thing you can do for your old friend now and let him go peacefully.

Not that I encourage or condone domestic violence at any time, but your DH needs a swift kick in the shins if he carries on being wilfully blind to the little chap's suffering.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2023 19:37

Your poor dog is in pain and his quality of life is gone. It was time a while ago, I'm afraid.

TheCrowFromBelow · 23/07/2023 19:35

Flowers Sad to you and your very Good Boy

TheCrowFromBelow · 23/07/2023 19:34

I left it too late with the cat. Promised myself we won’t with the dog, and echo better a week to early than too late.
Just Eating and walking isn’t life. Wagging, sniffing, bouncing, chasing… that’s life.

ReginaPhalangee · 23/07/2023 19:32

I am in this exact same predicament. Our lovely old girl is 15 now (we got her at 8 weeks old) and I recognise everything you are saying. My two DCs have never known life without her in it and I can't even begin to think how to start that conversation with them. I've been through this years before and it's true, you definitely do know when the time is right. My soft furnishings and bed are getting ruined by dog pee she doesn't realise she's doing when she's asleep. It's heartbreaking to think of what's ahead. Just like yours, she is still the greediest and hungriest dog ever!

FFSwhatisthis · 23/07/2023 19:31

Does DH understand how good dogs are at masking?

FFSwhatisthis · 23/07/2023 19:29

Does your DH think it's because you're fed up with the toileting inside, rather than for your lovely dogs benefit?

(Does DH do any of the cleaning up??)

Ask your DH what quality of life he thinks DDog has now...

I understand your DH just doesn't want to face it (who doesn't??), but ask him why DDOg should suffer because he can't face doing the kind thing.

Ask him why DDog dying in pain is preferable??

of course your DH doesn't think those things, but they will be the consequences if DH not stepping up & putting DDogs needs before his own wishes.

im so sorry, it's hard enough to do without disagreeing about it xx

DramaAlpaca · 23/07/2023 19:29

It's time. I'm so sorry.

FatNoMoreSue · 23/07/2023 19:28

It sounds as if it was “time” a long time ago.

Don't wait until he’s clearly suffering just to make yourself feel better. Your husband should be ashamed. Let the poor dog go.

pigsDOfly · 23/07/2023 19:25

Poor old chap.

It's hard, but he's been your good boy for 16 years. Now it sounds like he has no quality of life, could possibly be in pain and sound terribly confused.

Don't leave him like this until his body gives out. Let him go peacefully and calmly, you owe him that last kindness.