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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 28/07/2023 11:29

NolongerMom · 26/07/2023 12:43

YBU, if you didn't discuss money before you asked her along on the free holiday then you can't discuss it after the fact. Also you have a mouth, you could have spoken to her during the 10 days at any point and explained that you wanted her to contribute more. Also you can say NO. If you gave her the balcony room, that's on you. Sounds like you need to work on boundaries and speaking up.

Surely it’s just common decency that if someone pays for your holiday you pay the very cheap bill at the end of the week?! It’s certainly just decency to put money on the table before going to the loo at the airport, or get back from loo and say ‘oh you’ve already paid here’s my half ‘
That conversation wouldn’t even need to happen if I was getting a free holiday… it’s just human decency to say ‘do you want any money for the room’…. And then if she declined I’d 100% pay the £80 drinks bill and for the airport meal as a thank you.
Genuine people don’t need ‘boundaries’ setting out. She’s an adult after all and CF one at that

Stillcantbebothered · 28/07/2023 00:14

DrySherry · 23/07/2023 20:30

Playing devils advocate - she spent 10 days of her time accompanying you so that you didn't have to go on holiday as "Billy no Mates". You really should have covered the drinks bill, and given her the better room.

devils advocate? lol joker

Wheresmyrobe · 26/07/2023 16:51

Had she paid you yet OP?

NumberTheory · 26/07/2023 16:36

NolongerMom · 26/07/2023 12:43

YBU, if you didn't discuss money before you asked her along on the free holiday then you can't discuss it after the fact. Also you have a mouth, you could have spoken to her during the 10 days at any point and explained that you wanted her to contribute more. Also you can say NO. If you gave her the balcony room, that's on you. Sounds like you need to work on boundaries and speaking up.

This isn’t about fairly splitting the holiday costs. It’s about a supposed friend being all take, take, take. Not just in accepting what is offered, but in asking for more and in getting OP to pay even when she hasn’t offered, and then providing nothing in return.

Token gestures of appreciation (like not quibbling over a few quid or paying for a few drinks) are standard because they show some reciprocity. As it is “friend” has made it an entirely one sided relationship.

If you have friendships like this where friends keep on taking what you offer and never reciprocating - get out of them. They aren’t good friends.

NolongerMom · 26/07/2023 12:43

YBU, if you didn't discuss money before you asked her along on the free holiday then you can't discuss it after the fact. Also you have a mouth, you could have spoken to her during the 10 days at any point and explained that you wanted her to contribute more. Also you can say NO. If you gave her the balcony room, that's on you. Sounds like you need to work on boundaries and speaking up.

Oceanus · 26/07/2023 11:51

'If you lend a friend £10 & they disappear without paying you back, it was a cheap way to get rid of a bad friend'.
Very very true. Short and to the point.
I think the thing is when this happens when we're young we wise up to it. When we manage to go through our teens without running into these CFs we're easy prey when we're older. We've all been there! We've all been there! Heck it still happens to me but sometimes it's not about money so it takes a while to see them coming! They look so normal...

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/07/2023 23:55

Ah well, OP, you've emerged sadder but wiser about this friend. I think it was a good idea to ask her for her share of the airport meal bill simply because it shows you exactly what she is. She had her opportunity to make amends a tiny bit & keep you onside, & she didn't do it.

I seem to remember hearing once, 'If you lend a friend £10 & they disappear without paying you back, it was a cheap way to get rid of a bad friend'.😂

JetStreamComeBack · 25/07/2023 23:15

Yeh, it takes the same amount of time to reply and say “I’m busy” as it does to bank transfer the money

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 19:38

Good for you OP, she doesn't deserve a friend like you.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 25/07/2023 19:12

Thanks everybody for replies.

I think to be clear to those who understandably cba to read whole thread, No I didn't expect a gift for taking her on a free holiday. I paid for the hotel, and she used a flight that was non refundable and expensive and paid a small name change fee.

What I took exception to, was that when our joint bar bill arrived she went through it line by line to ensure I paid an extra 5 pounds. This is after I went for a drink with her outside the hotel and when I suggested it she said merrily o are you treating me then.

She then left me with the bill to pay at the airport when we had a meal there and has so far been a bit reluctant to pay her share which she missed by going to the ladies when the bill arrived.

Finances are equal, my point on spa and shopping she went on is that I couldn't afford to spend that much myself, so making me pick up all bills outside what I told her were included is tight.

End of the day, her loss, as I have seen what a CF she is in my eyes.

Yes, like many posters I would have If I were her, paid an 80 quid bar bill after an expensive free holiday, not angled for my friend to pay extra for drinks outside hotel and certainly not left her to pay airport meal.

As I say, her loss, and I will never sub her again. I am fading her out and leaving it.

For those that say, o let whiteparasol pay everything , get some friends and get in the real world. People won't stand for being taking advantage of very long. x

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 16:26

@draxdomax - you can also customise MN - click on the V at the top, by where it says Talk, and select Customise from the drop down menu, and you can choose a coloured background for your posts, and also the OP posts on any thread - makes it easier to scroll through and find updates.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/07/2023 16:11

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 16:01

No, of course I didn't read everything. Did you? LOL...

I did go through the first few pages and didn't notice anything about airport meals.

Click 'see all' on any of the OP's posts on any thread, & you just get all the OP's posts. Very useful.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 16:01

No, of course I didn't read everything. Did you? LOL...

I did go through the first few pages and didn't notice anything about airport meals.

Oceanus · 25/07/2023 13:34

@draxdomax The OP expected nothing in return though it would have been nice. However I don't think the OP expected to pay for airport meals she didn't eat or order either and therein lies the issue imho.
You clearly didn't read all of it! Did you? lol

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 13:33

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I missed the part about stiffing them for a meal - that's definitely unfriendly!

As for the first post in this thread and my opinion (YABU):

To understand it better: Take out the free room for a moment and just look at "two people having drinks" - unless I made it clear I am paying for drinks, I don't know why you'd expect me NOT to itemize just my drinks and make sure I am only paying for mine and you - for yours.

I think that's understandable?

Now, you are saying that BECAUSE a free room was involved, than the above is no longer the same.

... That means the free room wasn't ever truly free but some sort of remuneration was expected.
That makes it no longer a friendly gesture but some weird and unclear contract.
We say where I am from: "Clear bills, good friends".
...

Would I act the same? No, I would never take a free hotel room, I'd offer to pay something towards it or made a significant gesture in return that left no doubts about my gratitude.
No surprise this broken understanding of hospitality leads to disappointment.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 13:29

@Oceanus I am not sure I understand your message at all :)
Do you mean that you agree that the issue is that the OP actually expected some money for this "friendly invitation"?

We weren't told (or I didn't see it) that the person who invited the friend was asked to pay for anything further than what they consumed.

Boredandbitter · 25/07/2023 12:36

I would tell her she is entitled and mean.

Oceanus · 25/07/2023 12:23

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 12:15

English hospitality.
Inviting someone and expecting them to pay for it.

If I invite a friend, especially it's pretty much "free" as you weren't able to get a refund on the room... I don't expect them to remunerate me in any way.

A thank you is enough.

Especially ugly to hear that you were looking in her plate and "how much she spent on spa procedures".

If you wanted money back for entertaining a friend, open a hotel/restaurant and give people a bill written on paper, don't just quietly resent them :D

Et tu CF friend Brutus?
I don't think the issue is the friend paying for herself only. She issue is expecting to have somebody else pay for the privilege of being with her.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 12:21

Actually - not even English gratitude - decent person gratitude!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 12:20

Or, English gratitude - realising that someone has been very generous towards you, and wanting to show them you are grateful (by not quibbling over the bar bill and stiffing them on an airport meal), @draxdomax.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 12:15

English hospitality.
Inviting someone and expecting them to pay for it.

If I invite a friend, especially it's pretty much "free" as you weren't able to get a refund on the room... I don't expect them to remunerate me in any way.

A thank you is enough.

Especially ugly to hear that you were looking in her plate and "how much she spent on spa procedures".

If you wanted money back for entertaining a friend, open a hotel/restaurant and give people a bill written on paper, don't just quietly resent them :D

billy1966 · 25/07/2023 12:04

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 10:00

Spot on.

Show quote history

Agree.

As an experiment I would really push this.

She is awful and certainly no friend.

Batalax · 25/07/2023 10:07

Definitely remind her. Don’t drop this.

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 10:00

Wheresmyrobe · 25/07/2023 09:53

I would send something like this today-

"Hi X, I haven't received the money yet. I'm a bit annoyed I'm having to chase you for it to be honest, especially considering the fact that you accepted a free holiday and gave me nothing by the way of thanks. I feel totally taken advantage of. Can you send it today please."

Spot on.

Wheresmyrobe · 25/07/2023 09:53

I would send something like this today-

"Hi X, I haven't received the money yet. I'm a bit annoyed I'm having to chase you for it to be honest, especially considering the fact that you accepted a free holiday and gave me nothing by the way of thanks. I feel totally taken advantage of. Can you send it today please."