Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
rookiemere · 06/08/2023 09:27

Whiteparasol · 05/08/2023 13:10

An update on this....( and a thank you to people who helped me)

Met CF friend last night as part of a wider group for dinner and cinema.

Dinner was fine, as we said at outset quite firmly we will split bill unless anyone goes mad with cocktails and wants to pay for themselves. No one did.

Before cinema I popped into a supermarket to get a bottle of water and some sweets, CF came with me, she hoovered at till with her stuff, expecting I would just pay for everything , but I just paid for mine, was awkward but I am glad I stuck to my guns even if it was only a fiver.

From chat with someone else there, I am not the only person she has behaved like this to, they didn't say anything to her, but now always just pay for themselves however awkward it is when the bill arrives.

She is fun, and good company, but in the nicest possible way a bit of a grifter, I think getting wise to it will save me getting resentful so thank you everyone. x

You could have stood back at the supermarket and gone "Must be your turn to buy them CF as I got them the last five times." But less confrontational just to switch off the tap from now on.

CountessWindyBottom · 06/08/2023 08:32

Well done @Whiteparasol. Tightness to me is the singularly most vile, unpleasant trait there is and says a lot about a person’s character. I remember being an expat years ago and there was a couple of grifters who were so so cheeky in their CFery that I got wise to them quite quickly. I remember they came to meet a crowd of us for drinks one night and I said to my friends as the others arrived not to offer to buy them drinks/a round and the pair of them sat there for two whole hours without a drink! They were that tight and just expected everyone else to fund their lifestyle. People like this are just best to be avoided as they simply don’t appreciate what a give and take healthy friendship means.

mangochops · 06/08/2023 05:33

Well done OP! I'm still aghast at her bloody nerve though- unbelievable

Batalax · 06/08/2023 01:38

Good outcome op.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 06/08/2023 00:27

Nice update. Good basis for moving forward with her & the group.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/08/2023 15:57

👏👏👏

T1Dmama · 05/08/2023 15:38

I had a friend like this, never gets her purse out or does but stands back…. I now just pay for my own and walk off

wheresmyshoe · 05/08/2023 13:34

First rate CF management skills there @Whiteparasol well done!
This thread has helped me set some boundaries with an escalating CF in my life.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 05/08/2023 13:10

An update on this....( and a thank you to people who helped me)

Met CF friend last night as part of a wider group for dinner and cinema.

Dinner was fine, as we said at outset quite firmly we will split bill unless anyone goes mad with cocktails and wants to pay for themselves. No one did.

Before cinema I popped into a supermarket to get a bottle of water and some sweets, CF came with me, she hoovered at till with her stuff, expecting I would just pay for everything , but I just paid for mine, was awkward but I am glad I stuck to my guns even if it was only a fiver.

From chat with someone else there, I am not the only person she has behaved like this to, they didn't say anything to her, but now always just pay for themselves however awkward it is when the bill arrives.

She is fun, and good company, but in the nicest possible way a bit of a grifter, I think getting wise to it will save me getting resentful so thank you everyone. x

OP posts:
swimlyn · 29/07/2023 15:08

My guess on CFs is that they were spoilt brats as kids, and just carry on into adulthood in the same manner. Gimme, gimme.

As a couple we spot these CFs quickly nowadays. They seem to see friendship as an opportunity, not a mutual experience.

We’ve always thought that ‘Give and Take’ is normal, in varying proportions at various times.

Take, take, take, is not. It’s a really ugly trait.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 29/07/2023 12:41

MsRosley · 29/07/2023 12:11

This. I often wonder what goes on in the head of people like this. Do they openly acknowledge to themselves that they're in it for what they can screw people over for? Or do they have some kind of bizarre rationalisation underpinning their CFery?

Show quote history

Me too, having had relatives like this. One in particular made it her lifetime's work to get as much as possible from everyone around her, from family members to people she'd just met. She went out of her way to get all she could & give nothing back, or as little as possible. She was married & her husband looked on approvingly. I often wondered if they discussed it between themselves, & whether she was the instigator & maybe he just went along with it but disapproved.

Well, she's no longer with us & he's still doing it, so I guess they were as bad as each other. 🙄

MsRosley · 29/07/2023 12:11

Oceanus · 29/07/2023 11:42

OP you got your money and something else extra which is worth a lot more than money and simply cannot be bought. The ability to see your CF's true colours. The fact you've had to chase this money just makes her shine like a freaking rainbow, just not a pretty one. You've dodged a bullet imho because she was becoming bolder by the minute.
P.S. Don't feel bad, we've all been there, even as adults. It's not like CFs glow in the dark so we can dodge them!

This. I often wonder what goes on in the head of people like this. Do they openly acknowledge to themselves that they're in it for what they can screw people over for? Or do they have some kind of bizarre rationalisation underpinning their CFery?

T1Dmama · 29/07/2023 12:08

Oh my goodness! So she’s not sorry she’s upset you, just sorry you feel taken advantage of.
I still can’t get over her getting a free holiday and asking for the better room! That expectation to me is worse than everything else…
If a friend took me on holiday at no expense to me I’d have been grateful for the 2nd bedroom, have treated her to a spa treatment, paid the whole drinks bill and the airport meal as a thank you

Oceanus · 29/07/2023 11:42

OP you got your money and something else extra which is worth a lot more than money and simply cannot be bought. The ability to see your CF's true colours. The fact you've had to chase this money just makes her shine like a freaking rainbow, just not a pretty one. You've dodged a bullet imho because she was becoming bolder by the minute.
P.S. Don't feel bad, we've all been there, even as adults. It's not like CFs glow in the dark so we can dodge them!

bringbacksideburns · 29/07/2023 10:13

God, my friends are so lovely I have to make sure they aren’t too generous!

You don’t need a ‘friend’ like this. Drop her like a sack of spuds.

Batalax · 29/07/2023 09:21

not I’m sorry but sorry you feel like that so I know my free ride is over.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 28/07/2023 20:50

Whiteparasol · 28/07/2023 14:24

Thanks!

Yes I did get paid for the airport meal yesterday after I chased up again by text and said not paying it was making me feel like I was being taken advantage of

She said she was sorry I was feeling like that. Then paid shortly after

Haven't heard anything else and don't expect to.!

Apart from being a classic fauxpology maybe, "I'm sorry you feel like that," (like you were being taken advantage of) is the truth: if you feel that way, she'll find it harder to get anything from you in future, & she's sorry about that.

SamW98 · 28/07/2023 20:32

And I bet she paid her exact share and not a penny more.

Any idea that maybe she’d thought about her grabby behaviour and had any self awareness - well that didn’t happen.

She’s a user and a ponce. Don’t give her time of day again OP, she’s not worth wasting your time.

billy1966 · 28/07/2023 20:24

Well done OP.

She really is scum.

Don't waste any further time with ,or on her.

Life is simply too short.

AllyArty · 28/07/2023 17:31

Well done @Whiteparasol 👏🏻💐

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 28/07/2023 14:51

Very p/a, that 'I'm sorry you feel that way'

What a cow. You're well rid of this non-friend.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 28/07/2023 14:24

Thanks!

Yes I did get paid for the airport meal yesterday after I chased up again by text and said not paying it was making me feel like I was being taken advantage of

She said she was sorry I was feeling like that. Then paid shortly after

Haven't heard anything else and don't expect to.!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/07/2023 13:57

@NolongerMom - @Whiteparasol did say, in a later post, that she didn’t give up the balcony room.

I know that, if I was invited on an almost free holiday like this, I would not be expecting the best room, or quibbling over the pennies of a bar bill - I would be insisting on paying it in full, and I would be looking to treat my generous friend, to show my gratitude for such a lovely holiday. Surely that is what any decent person would do? I certainly wouldn’t be taking my sweet time to pay my half of the airport meal bill, having quibbled over the bar bill.

I can also understand why the OP might have felt uncomfortable raising this at the time - but props to her for having raised it now, I think!

ThatFraggle · 28/07/2023 11:58

T1Dmama · 28/07/2023 11:29

Surely it’s just common decency that if someone pays for your holiday you pay the very cheap bill at the end of the week?! It’s certainly just decency to put money on the table before going to the loo at the airport, or get back from loo and say ‘oh you’ve already paid here’s my half ‘
That conversation wouldn’t even need to happen if I was getting a free holiday… it’s just human decency to say ‘do you want any money for the room’…. And then if she declined I’d 100% pay the £80 drinks bill and for the airport meal as a thank you.
Genuine people don’t need ‘boundaries’ setting out. She’s an adult after all and CF one at that

Show quote history

The 'friend' should have bought OP's airport meal.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/07/2023 11:55

Stillcantbebothered · 28/07/2023 00:14

devils advocate? lol joker

Show quote history

@DrySherry

I know right
op why don’t you hand over your house to your friend as well? Least you can do really