Why is the answer always antidepressants????

This is how anxiety works - it can transfer and spread. Your deep seated belief that something is wrong with you could well be anxiety and the more you believe it in, the stronger it gets. Intrusive thoughts are not unusual - they are just harder to ignore or dismiss if you are anxious. Could you request a mental health midwife for some ongoing support?

And what could or should they offer once they've listened?

But you've had counselling.

You've had CBT.

If you spoke to someone who listened, what do you think they could do differently that you havent already had?

People are listening.

Counselling is listening.

Apart from someone understanding what you are saying, once they have understood what do you think you should be offered that would help?

Do you mean you think it is a physical health issue causing the cycle?

But when you say How can I feel on top of the world one day where nothing can bring me down and the best want to run away and hide and not face another soul for days or weeks on end? Is this normal? this is very common in mental health problems, they are often cyclical in nature.

I hear you, OP.

It's now likely I will never come off ADs but the underlying reason for my symptoms is coping with a disabled child.

OP, I mean this in the gentlest way possible, but I'm not sure what else you think there is. You're hinting at something, what do you think it the root cause of the problem?
I'm on ADs and I still get cycles of highs and lows. I've accepted that and just take everything I can from the highs and try to hug those when I'm down.

I just don’t know what is wrong with me and no one seems to want to explore it apart from talking therapies and medication.

What aside from these options do you want to explore? There's the EMDR someone mentioned upthread, or Electro convulsive therapy (which seems an extreme option to me)

I am so sorry you feel so bad. Do you think maybe it's worth trying a different counsellor? Sometimes we just don't gel with someone quite right.

I’m really sorry but I don’t understand what you feel you’re not getting? You are being taken seriously. You’re being offered the right things appropriate to your presentation and circumstances.
When you say you think there’s something wrong with you…Are you meaning you think you’ve got bipolar disorder? That’s v unlikely in my professional opinion, from what you describe. If your mood is consistently erratic, it’s more like emotional instability (which is really linked to past trauma) and responds really well to SSRI’s and then good trauma-informed therapy. See my post above about my advice around timelines for these things.

You say you want to be listened to by the professionals… I hope it’s reassuring to you that I am a senior MH professional and assess / treat this sort of thing daily, so I’m definitely listening to you and giving my input as a professional second opinion.

I’d say that pregnancy would be an unwise time to start exploring trauma processing therapies. If you were my patient I’d advise try Sertraline to support you with reducing your anxiety through the pregnancy / post-partum. Then once you’re thought that, you should explore some trauma-processing therapy and/or psycho-educational group around emotional sensitivity / bpd / eupd type mood instability.

All the best with it all 💐

Think it’s unlikely to be Bipolar Affective disorder. Could possibly meet criteria for cyclothymia, but to me sounds more like emotional dysregulation as a result of c-ptsd. In which case, proper trauma-focussed CBT or some sessions of EMDR would be the best way forwards (not mood stabilisers, which are v heavy duty, some with risks, and not indicated for emotional sensitivity / c-ptsd.

OP- you say antidepressants are harmful to foetus but they really aren’t…SSRI’s (in particular Sertraline) are perfectly safe in pregnancy / breastfeeding. And work very well for anxiety, so they’d bring down the anxious distress which is what’s feeding the OCD type thoughts and intrusive thoughts.

Op, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I am currently pregnant and have continued to take my antidepressant (Sertraline) at a low daily dose having spoken to my GP. Yes there are some risks with them but you need to weigh up those risk vs their benefit and if your mental health is that bad and you're having intrusive thoughts, that means taking ADs is the smaller risk overall. A good analogy for this is we take a risk every time we get into a car and actually driving presents a far greater risk to us yet we do it all the time. You already having an older child to look after and deserve to feel better and that you can cope. You don't need to remain on the ADs forever you can come off them when you are ready to do so. They are a coping mechanism for the short or medium term while you focus on getting well. I work in mental health and am a huge advocate for talking therapy, it is so worth the effort but it can take a long time to get to a place where you well enough. Don't put yourself under pressure to reach this point any faster than you can feasibly do so. Be kind to yourself.

OP, you say that your mood has been wildly up and down for years. It’s possible you have bipolar disorder, in which case mood stabilisers and antidepressants are very much indicated.
If the cause is an imbalance of chemical neurotransmitters in your brain, then no amount of counselling or talking therapy will make any difference to it.
Obviously we on MN can’t diagnose you, but you need a proper psychiatric assessment and an agreed treatment plan.

What about EMDR?

I’m sorry you’re struggling, it sounds horrible (and I’ve been there). However, I’m confused…you’ve had loads of CBT, counselling and offered the appropriate medications. These are all the NICE recommendations for depression & anxiety. What else are you saying you think would help?
My job involves assessing, triaging & treating people in your position. The interventions we offer are meds, CBT and counselling. There isn’t anything else, other than education around lifestyle factors & self-help. These things all work, they’re not a question of fobbing people off.

YANBU. I went on AD's for 2 years and then had several months of horrific withdrawal symptoms when I came off. I couldn't work for some of that time.

No-one talks about how hard it can be for some people to come off them.

Was it worth it? I'm not sure. All the AD's did was mask my problems.

If we had an unlimited supply of counsellors you would be offered one. If we could flick a switch to make modern life non-toxic we would do it.

But we only have ADs available.

That said, they do work for lots of people and they might help you. You need to try to make the correct decision for you, it might beefit you to take ADs whilst you also pursue counselling.

What do you want to happen op? If counselling and talking therapies don't work I'm not sure what else they can offer.

Anti depressants are cheap and easy, more so than paying for counselling and actually helping you to fix the problem. CBT is only useful for mild cases where people feel a bit stressed and their mind is running away from them, so they need a bit of common sense perspective. It’s based on you realising that your problems are all in your head, ie you’re just catastrophising. It doesn’t address your past and can’t fix actual real problems. It sounds like you have actual issues in your past that you need to work through.

You are not going crazy - perinatal OCD/intrusive thoughts has hormonal triggers hence why it happens in the perinatal period. You need therapy to teach your brain how to react less and less over time. If you can find a specialist it's much more effective than bog standard CBT

It sounds like perinatal OCD. You definitely need effective therapy, how frustrating for you. Medication can help but won't fix the root cause. I would go back to your perinatal team and insist that you are at breaking point!

They’re the easy answer imo. Cheapest compared to properly funding psychologists, counsellors etc. CBT doesn’t work for everyone and it can take a while to take the right form of therapy / counselling but the NHS will dismiss this, if you’ve had CBT you should be fixed according to them.

There are a lot of things that can present as depression / anxiety and once your on AD drs seemingly wash their hands of you. I was on them for a while, no follow ups, check ins, reviews etc. Actually, I didn’t have depression or anxiety I had ranging ADHD and now properly assessed and medicated I’m a different person.

My dad experienced similar. On ADs for years doing little, no check ins or updates from the doctor to asses his mood / requirements. He stopped taking them accidentally when my mum was in hospital and my god the difference in him was night and day, he’s so much more lively, happy, bouncy not on the ADs it’s like my old dad is back. Doctor still hasn’t rang to enquire why he hasn’t had his prescription refilled.

I know there needs to be some accountability for our own health, but when it comes to MH issues we’re not the best people to be self regulating and self aware enough to think “maybe I should book a check in with the doctor”.

Because anti depressants work on the chemicals in your brain