Daughters expectations for babysitting

I think you’re possibly misjudging how enjoyable it would be to take a 6th and a 4yo to Chessington, Legoland etc during school holidays. Her plan really seems better in terms of not exhausting everyone. I also wonder whether there’s an element of thinking what you had planned might be a bit much for you. It’s a shame you didn’t both communicate expectations earlier.

Would a possible compromise be to do the clubs and then one or two trips for everybody at the weekend?

I think you could have lovely afternoons doing smaller scale things and this might actually be better in terms of everyone’s enjoyment. Park, cinema, doing some cooking at home, swimming, etc- all lovely things to do and far less stressful than bigger trips.

Can there be a compromise of first week tennis club and cancel the second week and do the longer day activities or is it too late?

I can see that she was trying to help, but I can also appreciate it does restrict what you can fit in.

Next time, you'll know to discuss expectations with one another first.

DS is going to PIL for the first week of the summer holidays (Monday to Saturday ), mil is retired but fil has booked the week off, to them it's not childcare, they've told DS it's his holiday with them, they have activities, day trips etc planned for each day, they are all very excited about it. We originally said we'd pick him up on the Friday but they are taking him to an event on the Saturday.

Can your daughter cancel one of the weeks so you can do the bigger day trips and then the other week you can do more local activities in the afternoons?

I think it’s helpful they have the club booked for a few hours each day personally

It would have been best to consult you first; I wonder if she’s thinking all day every day will be too much and this will provide a bit more balance to include a break for you?

Its a lovely thing you’re doing by the way. Our families are both close by and would never help with childcare, let alone want to take them out for the whole day!

What a controlling madam!

I wonder maybe as she doesn’t want them to stay with you in Cumbria that she doesn’t want you taking them out for whole day trips and would rather you do local things with them like parks, cafes, shops, picnics etc.

Personally, if I lived in Cumbria I would have had her drop them off with you and you could have done all the amazing things you have on your doorstep for two weeks together on your terms.

I honestly think it would have been a wonderful holiday for them to play out in the fresh air, paddle in the lakes, climb the hills…. Or am I just remembering all my wonderful childhood holidays. Perhaps you can do that when they’re a bit older?

I am erring on your side OP, there will never be any point going out to Legoland or Chessington for half a day.

Has she booked the morning clubs because of them working from home so there's a definite routine and they can get their work done?

I honestly think she was trying to help as a whole week of having children is exhausting. This was you have two hours of chill time to drink coffee and read the paper ( or three if you stay nearby) while they burn off energy. There are plenty of livel things to do after 12pm.

I think you will still be exhausted at the end of the week.
I live 6 hours away from my mum and am desperate for holiday help. She might come once but not twice . I would back track for the second week as it gives her time to sort.

Places like Legoland and Chessington are not going to be a calm, or even fun, day out in the school holidays. They will be a nightmare.

A week of local, low-key afternoon activities sounds much more attractive to me.

Yep, sorry OP but I think your daughter was trying to do a nice thing for you, so you probably owe her an apology if you were at all critical when you spoke to her. What she's arranged sounds oerfect and is what I imagine the vast-vast majority of grandparents would want. (But in hindsight, she could have asked you.)

Anyway, they could always miss tennis on any days you want to do a day trip somewhere; it's not like school, the club won't mind.

My similarly aged children would be absolutely fine to attend a club in the morning and still have plenty of energy to enjoy the afternoons! Sounds like a lovely couple of weeks - a relaxed morning for you and fun in the afternoons. Unless there are some health issues that mean the children tire very quickly, I’d definitely still be planning fun afternoon activities.

You're both being unreasonable by not actually discussing the two weeks you and your husband will be there and expectations of how they would be organised.

When I worked full time with 2 small kids I planned everything like a military operation because otherwise it's was chaos and unmanageable.

You mentioned in your post how you were expecting your 2 weeks to be calm and at your discretion. I wonder when last you had a 6 and 4 year old all day and it was calm!

Go and enjoy time with the kids. Just being with them and doing things locally with their grandparents in the afternoons will be enough for them. They'll love spending time with you - no need for grand days out.

She’s lucky you are helping, you definitely should have been asked as you could have made plans given how far you are coming to provide free childcare. When my dc stays with GP during summer hols I always leave plans up to them, I would never interfere & start booking clubs/playdates/activities & expect them to go along with it & organise their plans around that.

Might be worth a chat to say you thought you’d be taking them on full days out everyday - this would be really tiring though so your daughter probably recognises that. Use your time to do some nice local bits in the mornings and take yourself out on Wednesday; go into London for a wander round an art gallery or something

the children will likely not want to spend all day of every day with you either. Being around grandparents can be a bit of best behaviour stressful for many young children. They will want to socialise with children their own age (hence the tennis club).

I agree with this too.

I agree with you. You're coming to see them, why book clubs. She might have been trying to help. Only you know your daughter!

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. A 6 and 4 year old are not going to be tired out by a morning tennis club at all. You’ve probably forgotten how high energy children that age are! Secondly, most grandparents get very drained by a full day of a 6 and 4 year old for five days in a row, so I think you may be over-estimating your energy levels as well.

You can do the big days out on the weekend you arrive or leave.

I think your DD has been very thoughtful by giving you essentially the morning off to relax and the Wednesday off as a break in the middle of the week. You will still have plenty of time with your grandchildren.

Too, the children will likely not want to spend all day of every day with you either. Being around grandparents can be a bit of best behaviour stressful for many young children. They will want to socialise with children their own age (hence the tennis club).

Sorry, mid-read your post. You're entirely right... 🤭

💯 this.

I disagree with some posters & can't believe how you spoke to your DD.

I cannot see the issue - they'll be at tennis in the mornings, you can relax & have a leisurely morning & then be in granny mode for the afternoon.

You have forgotten what 6 & 4 yos are like! Full days out are exhausting for them (and you). No way could you have done all you planned for the time you are there. A one day trip is fine - then you'd be trying to entertain two small DCs for 4 more days.

I think you owe DD an apology. I think she sounds thoughtful & considerate & not wanting to take your time for granted.

Surely time spent with grandparents would create more precious memories than time spent playing tennis!

I think she was doing you a favour, that age is exhausting. Take them straight from tennis to an activity.

I’d be a bit grumpy that I hadn’t been discussed but I think that it may be a bit overly optimistic to plan two full weeks of full day activities with a 6 and 4 year old . I think she’s doing you a favour and also the offer that they take them in each morning but one sounds great so you can relax each morning . Like others have said they won’t be exhausted in the afternoon and I’m sure you can find fun things to do with them - they’ll look forward to this time hugely . Your daughter must be really stressed having to juggle hols and childcare and work plus having to keep her mother happy ! Just help out on her terms, enjoy your time with the grandkids while they’re young and reap the rewards . I’ve learnt with my two daughters and similar age grandkids to just go wit the flow and put needs first . 6 hours drive for two weeks of seeing grandkids each afternoon (and evenings if you’re staying ) sounds like a winner to me ! I’m sure they’ll will
stay with you when they’re older if you can build this relationship with them now. It’s not a lot to ask that you cope with some sort of scheduling for two weeks - most busy working families would have one . I fear of you aren’t flexible on this you won’t be asked again. But don’t go if you’re going to be grumpy about it or give your daughter a hard time while you’re there ….

^^ 💯 this