Have you ever overheard people talking about you?

Haha yeah. Once I heard my mother in law on loud speaker. My child was ill with chicken pox so couldn’t attend nursery but we were still paying childcare as you have to. I was at university placement at the time but my tutor was really understanding and allowed me to have a couple of days off. This was before the days of zoom.

Husband is self employed so annoyingly had to cancel a couple of days work. He had his mum on the phone on loud speaker and she was complaining that I should be ‘pulling my weight’ (I was) and that maybe he should send ME an invoice for his lost time due to childcare. I was livid. This was over 10 years ago but she hasn’t changed

So many sad stories about overhearing people talking about you. I hope the experience also stopped you talking about other people.

I can't say it's ever bothered me. You can't police how people feel about you or what they say. Sometimes you learn something useful about how you come across. Sometimes you learn something useful about a person you thought had your back.

But honestly I can't say I've never talked about anyone behind their back so glass houses and all that.

It's horrible and hurtful, but are many of us guilt-free? My favourite (and lengthy, sorry) Anthony Trollope quote sums it up:

"Considering how much we are all given to discuss the characters of others, and discuss them often not in the strictest spirit of charity, it is singular how little we are inclined to think that others can speak ill-naturedly of us, and how angry and hurt we are when proof reaches us that they have done so. It is hardly too much to say that we all of us occasionally speak of our dearest friends in a manner which those dearest friends would very little like to hear themselves mentioned; and that we nevertheless expect that our dearest friends shall invariably speak of us as though they were blind to all our faults, but keenly alive to every shade of our virtues."

When I first met my DIL fifteen years ago. She is not from the UK. She was telling me that she flagged her experiences in this country on Twitter. She asked if I was on Twitter, I am not. We had a lovely day and I cooked a roast. A couple of days later I looked her up on Twitter. You can just feed their user name into Google and read their posts. She had described her visit to us as being a dull day with bland food.
I still worry about cooking for her today. It didn't worry me because I knew that nobody I was friends with would see it. I do a shed load of childcare for them now, my grandchildren, because they moved to live near us on the grounds that we could be useful. I like my DIL very much and I never told her that I had read her critical post. Nothing to gain by telling but I am wary of cooking for her.

There's always the classic MN question "did you mean to be so rude?" I've not had to use it yet, but it's right there just in case! 🌹

Not me but my MIL was collecting my son from school one day and was standing behind a group of mums, one of whom was talking about my son. Saying he was always picked for everything. He is the teachers pet etc. It's unfair to her son as he wanted to play that part in the play.

She clearly didn't know who my MIL was.

I pulled her up the next day. She actually works in the school so I politely asked her to refrain from discussing my child with other mums as surely this was completely unprofessional and anyone could overhear so she should really be careful.

She didn't say a single word back to me. It was very awkward.

Right after everything opened back up after COVID, we had a picnic lunch after the last football game of the season for the kids. I had helped organize and collect the food made by a local cafe, and just said nicely if ppl could pls sanitize their hands with the sanitizer before taking food that would be great.

I was stood behind a tall dad and heard two of the horrible bitchy mums mimicking me saying make sure you sanitize and being so mean - so I stepped out from behind the dad and said “are you talking about me?” And they just stopped dead, it was brilliant. I just smiled and said “help yourself to food, but yeah, make sure you sanitize your hands first, what with COVID and bugs and all”

Those women never helped with any of the set up or pack down, never helped with anything, just stood around being bitchy all the time. Horrible women.

My mum rang me the next day and said I’d ruined Christmas.

What an immature response @LuckyXhi - from your own mother too :(

Yours was perfect - leaving.

There were a couple of handymen working in my flat. I knew them as they did a lot of work for the landlord. They were chatting away in their own language and I was in the next room, doors open.
I heard them refer to me, went into the room where they were chatting and casually joined in the conversation in English.
Conversation stopped, embarrassed silence while they just stood and looked at me, until one of them said 'Oh, you speak our language'.

I was telling a colleague that DNA testing had proved that my father , who I had never met, was from abroad . He said oh yes me and Mary always said there was something exotic about you . Not horrible but a bit uncomfortable to know they had talked about me.

This happened the other way around when I was a teen. My friend and I were talking about a couple saying how they were always all over each other and it was cringy, and then they appeared from behind a pillar (we were at our local station). We hoped they hadn’t heard but they probably had! It wasn’t the worst thing ever said about someone but was v embarrassing at the time.
I’m sure I’ve been spoken about loads, but not sure I’ve ever overheard it blatantly.
My poor DD had similar experiences to the PP on the bus, is only in touch with one of those friends now, but she didn’t take part in the bullying (but also didn’t bsck her up enough imho). It scars you for life re friendships as she now finds it v difficult to trust friends and to totally relax.

@LuckyXhi thats awful. Well done you for leaving.

My mum and my brother . I fell asleep a few Xmas evenings ago on her sofa . It was just them in the room, everyone else had gone up to bed . I woke up to them ripping my character and everything about me to shreds over a bottle of spirits - all because earlier on in the evening I’d suggested that if my brother wanted to drive in the morning he needed to stop drinking …
I got up immediately without saying a word , they looked like rabbits caught in headlights , got my stuff as I was meant to be staying a few more days and drove the 30miles home .

My mum rang me the next day and said I’d ruined Christmas .

The girls who I thought were my friends at school. I had earphones in on the school bus and they clearly thought I couldn’t hear. Ten minutes of talking about how they were all laughing at me, felt sorry for me, no one really liked me and how sad I was that I thought I had friends. We were 17, so not kids.

I was devastated. I remember I ended up in floods of tears and they stopped, and asked what was wrong.

I caught them a second time - again on bus, turned round to ask ‘friend’ something and she said, ‘did you hear any of our conversation just now’ and I said no, ‘oh well that’s a relief’ as both she and girl next to her cracked up. Again, 17 and a half years old.

I kept in vague contact with one of them for a couple of years after, and asked her once why they’d done that - she denied it had ever happened.

Needless to say I have no contact at all now, beyond liking FB photos occasionally. It knocks your confidence flying though, I’m much older now and still don’t have any friends as I’m still scared everyone’s laughing at me.

She clearly didn't like you. She's an ex housemate. How long ago was this? I can understand just processing or if you've only just moved out, but you want to put it behind you quickly and move on now. You don't live together any more, no need to do more than smile politely if you see her again.

Some years back I overheard another mum critiquing something I did, she didn't realise I was behind her. I joined the conversation and said "Oh I'd quite agree with you if X, but the situation was Y." She was slightly flustered, but I moved the conversation on to something related and we are friends now. I would probably have called them out on it cheerily e.g. "I was only hoping for basic empathy for my injury. Anyone need a coffee, I'm just making?" while deciding she's dead to me from now on.

When I was a student I lodged with a family in my first year. I was very shy but tried to be friendly. I was in my room and overheard one of the daughters say "Is the weirdo in? She's a misfit isn't she?" It really upset me. Then she went on to say I always spoke to her as if I knew her and I was 'over familiar' (that was my poor attempts at being friendly I suppose). It was awful.

This is one that still puzzles me as I can't think what it was about. I was about 8 and had been out with my auntie for the day then stayed over at her house. Later I heard auntie on the phone to my grandma, they were arguing and I kept hearing my name come up and my auntie saying " no mum she's not a bitch..." Then later, the phone rang and it was my grandad. I answered it and he mistakenly thought I was my auntie. He said " stop this, she's just a little girl.."
After I got dropped back off at home, whatever it was, was never mentioned to my parents. And I spent ages worrying about it, I hadn't been naughty or been told off. Aunt has a history of being manipulative and lying, so can only assume she made something up about me, but I still wonder what it was about

This has happened so many times over the years.
I now tend to either make eye contact or politely join the conversation, on the rare occasions I overhear somebody talking about me (acting as though I'd assumed they knew I could hear them though, like "oh, do you not think this colour suits me? I'm really happy with it!")

Satisfying to hear them scrambling to cover it or see the look of horror on their faces when they realise they've been caught out.

Comments like that are not very respectful. I wouldn’t speak like that about someone who is a friend. ☹️