Struggling with DIL

That doesn't make it right and you can't enable the behaviour by putting up with it.

All this talk of ‘the son shouldn’t be talking about his wife’s private medical issues’ is just whataboutery- no one is asking for her medical history and drug dosage. The son absolutely should be ashamed of his partner’s behaviour and expect better treatment of his mum. If she is treating them badly and refusing to talk to them about why then she doesn’t get to gag her husband about it too.

It’s a good point but some posters are practically fainting with horror that the baby be ‘torn from its mother’ 🤣🤣

Ignore ignore the dicks, some people are projecting because they are probably awful DILs themselves and think they HAVE to be awful to their MIL because she’s committed the cardinal sin of not being her own mother

This. ^

So many awful comments slagging off the DIL even though OP says herself she is bipolar and is struggling with her mental health.

No relationship is guaranteed - 42% of marriages end in divorce.

I take it as a good sign that OP’s son is refusing to discuss his partners private medical issues.

but yes this relationship may well end. Any parent giving large cash gifts to couples should seek legal advice.

Some of these comments are unbelievable. OP has not written anything to suggest her own behaviour is unpleasant yet some of you are bending over backwards to paint her as some petty controlling old fashioned monster!

Yes - the DIL should have said thanks for the gift as well as the son. Anyone who doesn’t do this is plain rude.

And yes the DIL does owe the op and her husband basic decent courtesy that she would offer to any human being, and hopefully more seeing as they are her husband’s parents.

Bigger question OP - why does all your interaction with the baby have to go through DIL? Why not DS bringing the baby over and making sure you get regular contact? Here I think you’ve fallen into the trap of expecting from DIL - which may have been fine if she was decent but she’s not. So your son ought to step up. And on that point - why is your son tolerating his wife treating his parents so badly? This is his problem too and he should be pulling her up on this every single time.

It sounds like the relationship won’t last anyway, I wouldn’t be giving a whacking sun for my son if I thought a potential ex would bugger off with half of it

Exactly, some people have no shame they would happily take the money and still walk all over them after.

Another CF who thinks it's ok to mistreat people and at the same time would have their hand out for their money and take it without shame. The sheer brass necks on them 😂

You didn't get an answer just a goady response.

Well aren’t you the charmer😊. If you disagree with someone in a conversation in real life are you this aggressive?

the irony that you responded in this way in a conversation about manners😂😂😂.

the son didn’t open the present he just said thanks when it was handed to him. He didn’t contact once he had opened it to comment on the work his dad had put into it.

but it’s okay for you to disagree with me - that is conversation. No need to get so angry

Let’s say your child gets invited to a party, you leave the present there, maybe you get a text from one of the parents thanking you for coming and for the gift. Do you expect the other parent to text as well?

If both members of a couple are present at the moment when a gift is handed over then yes they should both say thank you. Otherwise I can’t really work out why one can’t say thank you on behalf of both of them…?

You’ve completely misread my comment. The only one coming across as incredibly rude in this exchange is you.

I don't think you are going to get an answer some posters come on here to vent and be mean.

Well you're talking utter bollocks. OPs son did thank his parents. Why on earth would DIL not thank them? I always thank my in laws for gifting something to my DC and so does DH. Why would I not? Seriously, please tell me why I don't have to say thank you.

She didn't want a solution, she wanted an audience for her drama. She wanted the audience hissing bitch at her sons girlfriend, and she wanted applause for calling him and telling him she's keeping her money till she dies.

I don't imagine they were expecting anything different somehow.

It's not like we're hearing about an imminent house purchase two years later and a year after the birth.

Maybe that's what's irked OP the most, their lack of interest in taking the money.

Nah I think the lesson is if you have mental health problems stay away from your in-laws in case they make it all about them and decide to take it out on everyone else in the family.

I have empathy for you OP. I try to be as kind as possible with my in-laws for my husband and children’s sake and even if they do annoy me I try to be subtle about it and keep my mouth shut. I’m naturally a moody person but would never dream of being deliberately rude to my MIL and we have a family member who hand makes gifts for my children and I’m always blown away by them and make a huge deal of saying thank you and acknowledging the effort that has gone into creating something personal. My MIL was upset with me once which really annoyed me, but we both managed to move past it thankfully. I hope you and DIL can move past this too. I think you did the right thing in making your son aware of this and he really should be pulling her up on it, I wouldn’t tolerate someone being rude to my parents.

Right so the lesson from all this is - if you are a DIL with a child you can be the biggest rude dick to your ILs and still expect loads of babysitting offers, £50k and unlimited grovelling by and politeness?

It's really quite shocking isn't it. Someone posted earlier that it was awful that the DIL would be expected to "sit and chat" as if that's not a normal thing to do😁

If her son could explain to the op what her problem is then maybe she can fix it.

They best they can hope for is for their son to maintain their relationship with their grandchild.

Solutions are kind of limited now that OP has made it clear to the couple that they don't like their "DIL".

Bit late for that - withdrawing the 50k from them and her DH saying he wants nothing to do with DIL means there's probably no going back now.