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Original poster

I hate myself

33 replies

pointlesswithyou · 15/07/2023 04:03

I am a professional 30 year old. Most of my job is helping people with their addiction issues, especially drug issues.

I spend most of my weekends taking cocaine and drinking myself into oblivion. I have fun and I enjoy what I do. I feel awful on a Sunday but by Monday I am back to it.

Tonight I was at a bar with three male friends, then went back to their house. They have been making fun of me since then, unable to understand why I don't want another line etc.

I just hate myself so much on nights like this. My friends tell me I'm fine as I do well in my job.

But it's 4.03, I feel like absolutely shit and I wonder, am I normal to feel like this?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 15/07/2023 04:26

My mother and brother both worked with addicts and never admitted their own problems with drugs, alcohol and gambling. Also, most of the extremely dysfunctional people I know are counselors or psychologists of some kind. There is a saying, “Physician heal thyself…” which is a great way of explaining why people are attracted to sorting out other people’s problems before admitting their own.
You know you need to get your shit together and get new friends. You know you will soon realise that drugs were the focal point of those relationships and that is all you have in common. Start to address the issues that are keeping you stuck in a lifestyle you don’t respect.

Lwrenagain · 15/07/2023 04:18

Oh pal I'm sorry to read this.

Now isn't the time to get deep or heavy, now it time to start hoping it all wears off so you can sleep, but you definitely need a plan of sorts to try and get this binging under control x

Sunnydayz · 15/07/2023 04:16

I always felt shitty when I did drugs like this. When it dominates your weekends and all you do is work and party. I just didn’t enjoy it and it started to feel really empty. I stopped doing coke for that reason, I particularly hate not being able to sleep.

I think there’s no harm if you enjoy it and you can do it without any detriment to your life. But I think doing drugs every weekend is too much. It’s such a waste of money and it takes your time and energy away from other things you could be doing.

Original poster
pointlesswithyou · 15/07/2023 04:16

FridaRose · 15/07/2023 04:09

It's okay OP. You will be okay. Right now it just feels a lot worse than it is.
I dabbled with drugs when I was younger so I understand the self loathing.

Just get through the comedown/hangover now and you will make a plan for after. Try not to catastrophise (how to spell?) everything as it's so easy to do at the moment.
Can you put a soothing music on and try to relax to get some sleep?

You can stop these nights, there is help out there you can reach out to. Could you afford private counselling?

No can't afford counselling

OP posts:
Original poster
pointlesswithyou · 15/07/2023 04:15

FridaRose · 15/07/2023 04:09

It's okay OP. You will be okay. Right now it just feels a lot worse than it is.
I dabbled with drugs when I was younger so I understand the self loathing.

Just get through the comedown/hangover now and you will make a plan for after. Try not to catastrophise (how to spell?) everything as it's so easy to do at the moment.
Can you put a soothing music on and try to relax to get some sleep?

You can stop these nights, there is help out there you can reach out to. Could you afford private counselling?

I'm at my friends tonight,

OP posts:
Original poster
pointlesswithyou · 15/07/2023 04:10

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 15/07/2023 04:05

do you think you have a problem?

Sometimes. I know that I have issues in regard to addictions but it doesn't seem to impact my life too much. I'm able to carry strong friendships/relationships etc

OP posts:
FridaRose · 15/07/2023 04:09

It's okay OP. You will be okay. Right now it just feels a lot worse than it is.
I dabbled with drugs when I was younger so I understand the self loathing.

Just get through the comedown/hangover now and you will make a plan for after. Try not to catastrophise (how to spell?) everything as it's so easy to do at the moment.
Can you put a soothing music on and try to relax to get some sleep?

You can stop these nights, there is help out there you can reach out to. Could you afford private counselling?

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 15/07/2023 04:05

do you think you have a problem?

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