I hate myself

OP you need to stop. You’re starting to go down that spiral. Time to find new friends and new ways of having fun. Then put the saved money into counselling.

I could've written this at 30 OP.

At 35, I have 2 beautiful young children and much better friends. I haven't touched drugs since 2019.

I wasn't addicted but it was hard to stop when around the same places and people. So I quit my job, rented out my flat and went travelling for the best part of a year. Cleared my head. Recovered from the shite I was putting up my nose. Met my children's father. Changed my life.

It sounds like you're getting fed up of this chapter. Take it as a sign to move on. You can do it.

OP, your mind is telling you it’s time to stop. You’ve outgrown this chapter of your life. Unsure what a gram costs nowadays but why don’t you use the money you would normally spend on a weekend, on a night in a hotel, give yourself some DIY treatments etc?

At the moment, your addiction is psychological. You can’t stop doing this every weekend because you’re scared of being bored. But trust me, there’s more to life than spending every weekend up talking shit to other gurning loudmouths in someone’s kitchen until 5am.

It will take about 3/4 weeks of behavioural change for you to realise how much you were wasting your life before. I bet you and your current circle actively avoid non drug users because it makes you feel bad about your own choices. Maybe reconnect with mates outside the drug circle. You’ll be kicked out off the drug gang once you’ve made a change so you need to work on getting some new friends.

Lol… cocaine every weekend will have a detrimental effect on your state of mind and physical and mental wellbeing.

Such a weird sweeping statement to say it’s unequivocally not a problem

Speaking from experience (and not necessarily talking about huge binges – light recreational use can be very insidious in the way the week can seem greyer). The effects of withdrawal and the creep into addiction can be very subtle

When it stops being fun it’s time to stop

and yes, you can afford counselling if you stop spending money on drugs and alcohol so don’t kid yourself

If you feel wretched it's not doing you any good to continue as you are.

If I were you I would

• only meet supportive friends for activities that don't involve drinking or cocaine.
• start writing it all down (there's lots of this online).
• eat well, sleep well and get fresh air, exercise. (All the stuff we should all be doing but find so difficult).

Fixing other people's problems is so much easier than dealing with my own btw.

Good luck!

I did this all through my twenties. It becomes boring and increasingly self destructive and a bit sad as you get older.

I’m in my 40s now and I find people who still get wasted and pull coke-fuelled all nighters pathetic. Is life that empty that you’re still chasing empty highs?

You can stop, OP. You honestly don’t need drugs and booze to have fun. I shudder when I think about going to sleep with the birds tweeting and a racing Coke heart. Urgh. No thanks!

I dread to think what life choices you've made

No can't afford counselling

Of course you can, if you can afford drugs 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to change your friends! Or not see them every weekend! Go on Meetup and find a hill walking group and get out of that click you’re in. There’s more to life and England has beautiful countryside side.. go outside and see it.. change what you do.. loads of people want to be friends with you, And if you’re physically tired you won’t have the itch to go out.. take care, you need your health and well-being, same as your clients do..

Cocaine every weekend is not a problem except for the effect it has on your bank balance

Uh..yeah, right, sure, whatever you say...

It would be CA, but OP probably knows it.

I relocated to the countryside from London to get away from coke 25 years ago. The slower pace of life helped me, but looking back it was really boring. It got me out of the habit though.

Those men are not real friends, please get some help.

The costs (mentally, emotionally, physically) are starting to outweigh the benefits. Happens to most people eventually. Time to stop the drugs op.

Who in your past undermined you and sabotaged your success? This is what you are doing to yourself. Don't hate yourself! Its really great that you posted. You have insight. These blokes who are laughing at you sound like total dicks not real friends.

Don't listen to these people they have no idea what they are talking about. Cocaine every weekend is not a problem except for the effect it has on your bank balance. If you don't want to stop doing drugs just drink more water and make sure you get reasonable amounts of sleep, if your working 9-5 it's the sleep deprivation that fucks with your head. Night nurse will knock.you out if you can't get valium or Xanax. Life is difficult especially if you don't have money, and the whole nuclear family thing is bullshit - it's all propaganda and lies. You will always be happier when you aren't living for somebody else. Get in nature, put your feet on grass, swim in the sea, and tell any smug entitled man to fuck off and die

You can also get free counselling via your gp and possibly employer so make that call.

If you stay up all night evey weekend and don't sleep of course you'll feel like shit. That's all it is. I think this a major fomo induced behaviour- you think you'll be missing out on the after party of you don't stay up and Coke and the chats that come with it help them.

Maybe next couple of weekends see other friends that you don't do that with and do some more wholesome activities, remove yourself from the bar scene or the people's houses where you might be tempted to make that call.

Giving something up is hard unless you're replacing it with something good- can you book an early morning train ticket to the seaside and go swim in the sea? Or ask a friend to try park run with you (or alone!) or a local yoga class or a cooking lesson? As pp have said you can afford this if you Ivan afford the boozing and drugs. Then don't go out late and don't be sad and lonely as you'll have your fun thing to look forward to the next day.
Then compare and contrast how you feel on a Sunday. Summer is a good time to make changes like this.

Or just get pregnant and then you have to immediately stop it all. (Joking. But it works!)

OP - you help support people with addictions. If a friend came to you asking the same thing as yourself what would you advise them?

Self persecution is a common thing with stimulant abuse and it shows the gear is now affecting you mentally as your probably aware this doesn't happen at the start of using but builds overtime next phase could be psychosis. I'm ex amphetamine user 20+yr. Stimulants can really fuck you up mentally.

So you're in the professional Field of addiction, have a drug and alcohol problem yourself, and are asking if it's normal to hate yourself for "drinking yourself into oblivion".... Id worry you aren't equipped to be practicing in your field.

The next thing you need to consider is how much money you have been “budgeting” for drugs and see how far that could go towards counselling. That and join NA.

The dreaded comedown. Right now OP you need to look after yourself and try not to think past the next few hours.
You're full of dread and anxiety.
Remind yourself this state of mind will start to lift shortly.
Hydrate, wrap yourself up in the quietest spot you can find and put a meditation app on or a talking book. Anything gentle.
You need distraction.
When I was in your position in another lifetime, the thing that worked for me was to get completely out of that friendship group and never be around coke or heavy drinkers.
It takes nights like this right out of the equation.
Otherwise it's so easy to forget how awful you felt and repeat it next week.
I haven't touched drugs it in 20+ years but I remember the vicious circle so well.

So you counsel addicts but do it yourself and have the money for that

If you can afford alcohol and coke you can afford counselling