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AIBU?

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Original poster

I hate going on holiday

64 replies

goodpancake · 14/07/2023 23:07

We go away next weekend. DH, 3xDC (9,8,4), PIL. So 7 of us.
we’re going for 10 days which is already a bone of contention because when we were booking I said I didn’t want to go for 2 full weeks and DH and PIL think I’m a misery.
I’m dreading it.
I’ve tried explaining to DH a couple of times but I find it hard to put into words without me sounding like an absolute drag so I just keep quiet and suck it up.
I have all the same expectations on me that I have at home: breakfast, lunch, dinner, entertainment, baths, clean clothes, kids arguing, food shopping, constant incessant moaning, and a continuous supply of snacks, drinks, ice cream, books, toys, games….
but I have to accomplish the whole task with limited resources, limited access to shops and no home comforts.

I also hate hate hate wearing a swimming costume which is a whole other issue. But adds to how much I don’t like going on holiday.

I get on very well with PIL, they help with the kids, and generally they are nice people. But they also expect me to take on the entire mental load, where we’re going every day, transport, what we’re having for tea, what time we’re having lunch, make reservations, sort out problems etc if they asked their opinion they just say “oh I don’t mind, whatever you want, we’re easy, we’ll just go along with whatever” 🤯 they also buy my kids endless bits of junk plastic toys which break immediately despite me asking repeatedly not to.

DH has done precisely NOTHING to pack/make lists/buy clothes /prepare for the holiday. I bought new suitcases last week and he was incredulous as to why we might need them, I was like “have you seen how much shit is piled in the spare room” and he was like “oh I thought that was just clean washing, we surely don’t need all that do we”
So I told him it was time to step up, he can’t just leave everything to me, he nodded and took it on board and was very very proud of himself that he used his entire day off today to go get €200! Like WTF it’ll be gone by day 2.

I could rant on but I won’t!
AIBU for hating holidays and just can’t wait for it to be over so I can get some rest before going back to work?!?

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 14/07/2023 23:38

I was going to say YANBU to hate holidays, in just the same way IANBU to love holidays BUT, I've voted YABU, because YABU to "do" holidays like this.

Stop being the martyr.
Stop agreeing to waste your holidays (time, money) going on holidays you aren't enjoying.
Tell everyone that this is the last time you are going with these arrangement, and then stick to it.
Whether that means lessening you load by not self catering, or by not going with your PiLs (however well you get on with people that is still then 4 adults all compromising rather than just 2), or by involving the dc this year in noting what they actually use / need on holiday and getting them to write it up as a list and then using that list next time, or however it pans out for you, what it definitely means is you need to speak up and be clear what you want and then stick to it.

mycatsanutter · 14/07/2023 23:38

Just keep stating ' I'm having a break it's my holiday too ' say you don't mind planning a few meals , days out but certainly will not be doing everything!

Original poster
goodpancake · 14/07/2023 23:31

@BillyNoM8s I mean I would miss them like crazy but I actually asked for some time alone for my birthday, nobody believed me and laughed at my funny joke 🫠 and I got a orchid instead 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
goodpancake · 14/07/2023 23:28

@Xrays aw it would be a massive shame wouldn’t it?! Imagine how clean and tidy my house would be by the end of it 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
goodpancake · 14/07/2023 23:27

@stayathomer i will resolve to try and just leave stuff for other people to do 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
goodpancake · 14/07/2023 23:21

I must admit that ‘not doing it’ has worked with many other aspects of our life. I hate being a nag so lots of things I just silently stopped doing and it kinda gets done, probably not to my standard. DH is a good person, dad and husband and isn’t lazy, just doesn’t think much beyond the end of his nose.
I guess I end up doing it all because I want my kids to have a good holiday. If I didn’t take the lead they would stay up too late/get bored and misbehave/ eat shitty food/ not do much/ watch a lot of screens. Which I don’t mind so much on holiday but we all suffer if they are fractious, tired, bored.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 14/07/2023 23:21

Op I know what everyone is say sounds crazy but honestly. Sit down, feet up and say loudly‘who’s arranging dinner tonight?’ All over our holiday I sat down, or declared a siesta or a walk, or said I’d play a board game but only if people cleaned … ec etc. it is your holiday too. Use that line.

Bitterballen · 14/07/2023 23:20

The MN classic I'm afraid....

You don't have a holiday problem
You have a DH problem

BillyNoM8s · 14/07/2023 23:18

Next time tell them all to go without you?

Xrays · 14/07/2023 23:16

Wouldn’t it be such a shame if you came down with an awful virus just before you had to go and dh had to go on his own with the dc … 😉

WheresSummerGoneTo · 14/07/2023 23:15

Stop being a martyr. Don’t plan days out, meals etc when you’re on holiday, there’s another 3 adults who are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves or planning restaurants and food. When they say oh I don’t mind, whatever you want, we’re easy, we’ll just go along with whatever you say “you choose”, smile and walk away, don’t even make a suggestion.

DappledThings · 14/07/2023 23:15

Don't do it then. If there are 4 adults then you say you're only cooking one in 4 evenings. And plan a couple of days then make it clear someone else does or nothing will happen.

Decide which 2 days are your complete break and take yourself out with a book.

A holiday should be relaxing for everyone. We went away with PIL and my parents for a week. MIL, mum and DH took turns being lead chef every evening with the other 2 helping. FIL, dad and I cleaned up every night. Split the mental load as well as the physical one.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 14/07/2023 23:11

Don’t do any of it. Don’t pack, don’t make lists, don’t prepare, don’t cook, wash up, food shop…If your DH isn’t prepared to pull his weight, why are you bailing him out by doing everything? Just don’t do it and see what happens.

That is the only way anything will ever change.

Kay286 · 14/07/2023 23:10

So why do you do it ?? Say if you’re going on holiday you want to be relaxing for you too not a bloody servant ! I absolutely wouldn’t be doing all the cooking and cleaning and sorting for everyone no way - not surprised you don’t enjoy it