I hate going on holiday

Operation ‘over to them’
Give the kids a list and let them organise their packing. Mine were doing it from a young age and it gives them some responsibility. Tell DH to sort himself.

When you're there delegate quickly! Sat you've made a list of essential and send DH and PIL to get them. I'd say ‘ easy breakfast stuff so everyone can get their own and sandwich bits for lunch, and then well ear out every night... Yeah?’ if anyone looks incredulous and wants cooked breakfasts/BBQ hand over to them to sort and cook!

Definitely have a book and magazine so you can say that you're having some me time. I also used to wake quite early and say if get the pastries for the morning after a dip. Have a walk on the seafront, coffee by yourself and return an hour later with the goodies.

You deserve a break, make it happen and enjoy.

Good suggestions already on here but to add- give the kids a list and get them to pack for themselves, especially the older 2. My 6YO manages it no problem so long as we’re specific e.g. 8 knickers, 4 pairs of socks, swimsuit, 3 dresses, 4 shorts, 4 t shirts, 1 jumper, toothbrush. Some of it may be a bit stylistically mismatched but honestly who cares, it saves me so much work.

You go all inclusive or you don’t go.

THIS!!

AI holidays are in my experience the only properly relaxing holidays with kids.

You're not dreading a holiday. You're not going on one. You're dreading the hard work of laying on a holiday for everyone else.
Its too late this year for major change other than following the excellent advice to delegate, but in future I think you should be very clear with your DH that you want a holiday yourself. One where there is to be no cooking, cleaning or arranging done by you, and that provided that's the case you're 'easy' and will go along with whatever he chooses to arrange.

It's not a holiday for you though is it. I would do outings (where you like to go)! And packing .meals no no .arrange to eat out and rope dh and his folks into a meal at least 4 or 5 times.this may be difficult but you need to put your foot down .you sound way too passive. You need a break too

Yeah. Could you not do the posts, all inclusive idea?

OP - you realise most other people don’t dread holidays? They look forward to them?

And the reason why, is because they don’t lie down on the floor and let their family wipe their feet all over themselves.

Stop doing everything. Make it very clear right now that this will be everyone’s holiday, and you will not be doing everyone’s thinking for them, let alone doing for them. And stick to it. It’s actually pretty simple.

And please tell me you don’t pack your husband’s suitcase for him??

Well are you financially able to buy stuff if he forgets to pack something?
If so let it happen and let him sort the consequences/ spend holiday time buying kids clothes (important that he takes the kids with him too whilst you are relaxing). You need to spell this out to him today (and consequences too- him dragging all 3 kids round a supermarket on holiday) then stop...
really.... Just stop doing all this stuff. Let the kids get cranky/watch too much screens, warn DH that it will happen if he doesn't step up but don't fix it. Remove yourself and have a holiday for once. Your kid don't need a holiday experience more than you need a break. .

YABU but only because you are putting up with this shit from your useless DH.

So let him buy stuff when you get there. Honestly you sound like a martyr. Take a step back and let him do stuff. Even if it’s not to your standard, nobody will die.

Yes. I totally get this!

Our last proper holiday was 6 years ago, I was so stressed the whole time it was awful. We went self catering as everyone thought it would be "easier and more laid back". Yeah I'm sure it was for them but I just got landed with all the same organisation and stress as at home but with less resources to manage it.

We are trying again this year and I have insisted on all inclusive in a child friendly resort. Partner is moaning as he likes going out for dinner, but he can get stuffed. If I'm doing all the organising anyway I'm going to make sure it suits me and not him!

I feel you so deeply OP.

I tried telling DH to do more but he just fucked it up and made more work for me.

Last holiday I just asked him to get the children's toiletries together- that's it.

We arrived with no toothpaste, no toothbrushes, none of the eczema cream they need every day.... so I waste a day sorting that out and the children decided they hated the toothpaste I was able to find and we had some epic arguments over teeth brushing.

Don't ask your DH to pack, but choose something harder to fuck up. Like tell him he and PIL are taking children out on days X Y and Z so you can relax. Give him nights to cook (including planning and shopping).

It's your holiday as well.

This. You're going to have to stand up for yourself.

But they also expect me to take on the entire mental load, where we’re going every day, transport, what we’re having for tea, what time we’re having lunch, make reservations, sort out problems etc if they asked their opinion they just say “oh I don’t mind, whatever you want, we’re easy, we’ll just go along with whatever”

^

This is my parents. We live abroad and they come and see us as a 'holiday'. I do exactly what you said in the op - all the fucking mental organisation. It's exhausting. I'm like a tour guide, chef, chauffeur and general dogsbody all in one.

Then they ask at 9pm, how come you're tired?!?!?

This! I'd add in a few variations of "right, I've just finished my shift of child-wrangling! I'm going for a much needed lie-down with a book and a set of ear plugs for an hour. Who's next on the rota?" too.
You're too passive. Don't be scared to nag - it's not a bad reflection on you, it's a sign someone hasn't pulled their weight. The shame is on the shirker!

All the stuff you're complaining about is easily changed or shared OP.
It's really really easy to say I hate packing for the kids DH. Can you please pack for them this year.
PIL and DH I've not got the energy to organise meals today, can you sort it between you please?
DH - can you please make a plan for an outing today?

Then sit back and let the others share the load.

I would hate going on holiday with my PIL for 10 whole days. I like them, but a long weekend is as much as I can manage.

I would refuse to go in the circumstances you describe. It sounds like you have a DH problem and skivvying on holiday is even less fun than skivvying at home.

If you want a plan of action, I suggest two things:

1. Disclaim responsibility for meals. At mealtimes, look questioningly at your husband... "I thought you were sorting this holiday, dear". Stock up on a plentiful supply of easy snacks for the kids so they're not actually that hungry at mealtimes and hence aren't moaning at you. You can ignore everyone else.
2. Develop a keen interest in historical landmarks, find some local ones and get out of wherever you're staying early in the morning ostensibly to go and look at them. Get "lost" on the way back, message your DH to feed the kids and stop for breakfast at a good pub/cafe. Arrive back just after midday and promptly ask your DH "What's for lunch?" Rinse and repeat.

The kids will have a great time whatever happens. But if thats what is important to you. Then organize excursions that suit them on alternate days. On the evenings you are cooking and do the food shop-also stock up on snacks that you are happy for the kids to have fruit etc.

Send an email round this week:

Parents in law-you are in charge of breakfasts. Kids like cereal, toasts, fruit and whole milk.
DH-You are in charge of lunches.
I will cook every 2/3 evening. We could eat out every 3rd evening. I will make the first reservation on 7th. Please organize between yourselves to book the other two.
Feel free to work it out amongst yourselves who cooks every 3rd evening.
I suggest we each take turns clearing up after the chef and get the kids involved.

And then don't step in. No dinner reservation made? Oh dear. Toast for my supper then. Come along kids. They will learn fast.

Solution is stay in hotels where you are waited on too.

Go somewhere all inclusive. No need to worry about food then!

The benefit of everyone being so happy for you to be Holiday Manager is that gives you implied authority - so start delegating!

"Right, PIL, you are in charge of 2 meals a week and all breakfasts. DH, you're on lunch and 2 meals. I'll do the rest of the evening meals. Anyone who hasn't cooked that meal helps with clearing table, cleaning, washing up"

"PIL you need to tidy and clean living area / dining room, DH you're looking at kids rooms / sorting clothes, I'll do kitchen"

Etc etc

I love going on holiday but that's because when I go on holiday it's an actual holiday! Sounds like you're just doing your normal life routine but on hard mode, no wonder you hate it.

Maybe you should take yourself on a solo trip some time so you can experience the pleasures of actually having a proper break!