I hate going on holiday

But I’ll never be able to let DH do the kids packing, they’d end up with one toothbrush between them, 6 hoodies, no sun cream and 20million pairs of underwear. He would forget absolutely everything that they need!! And then just shrug and say never mind, we’ll buy it when we get there!

So does he have some kind of SEN that you haven’t told us about that would explain this? Because if he doesn’t, I would be seriously very concerned about a grown man who is unable to pack for his children’s needs. It sounds as if the best thing you could possibly do for him is to stop infantilising him, stop letting him weaponise his incompetence, and require him to act and parent like an adult.

When they say "you decide" order a takeaway of something they aren't keen on. May inspire them to step up.

I feel your pain it's all mental load.

I also think people suggesting all inclusive isn't helpful if it's not financially feasible.

But maybe half board or even somewhere with breakfast would help just a bit?

We self cater too but Dh does all the meal planning and him and teens do the cooking. It’s a fun novelty for them in bloody sick of it!

This is why I never, ever do self-catering holidays.

Is it possible DH and PILs are simply a lot more relaxed than you, and so have stepped back by default because they know that if they do things, you won’t be happy with the way they do them? There is nothing that makes people less inclined to help than knowing that whatever they do won’t be good enough.

Clearly the workload should be shared, but I think you also need to relax a bit more about ‘standards’ and accept that some bits of plastic tat and a few junk food meals will happen if DH and PILs take over, and you might have fewer scheduled outings and healthy snacks if you leave the organising to them.

All of this

But I’ll never be able to let DH do the kids packing, they’d end up with one toothbrush between them, 6 hoodies, no sun cream and 20million pairs of underwear. He would forget absolutely everything that they need!! And then just shrug and say never mind, we’ll buy it when we get there!

and therein lies the problem.......

Like anything with dc, you do have to teach them to stop and think about what they need to pack, but you do that by involving them, by asking them what they think they will need - and, if it is a list that is a bit 'wanting' the first time, then ask them "and what about.....". Then the next time, you get them to pack and then check it. Then the next time, they will be fine. They will never be able to do it if you start with the assumption they can't. How will they learn ?

Tell DH to go on holiday with the children and grandparents. Why are you being forced to come? I'm sure 3 adults can manage 3 primary school aged children

Next time you go on holiday, take DH and let kids stay with grandparents.

Is it possible DH and PILs are simply a lot more relaxed than you, and so have stepped back by default because they know that if they do things, you won’t be happy with the way they do them? There is nothing that makes people less inclined to help than knowing that whatever they do won’t be good enough.

Clearly the workload should be shared, but I think you also need to relax a bit more about ‘standards’ and accept that some bits of plastic tat and a few junk food meals will happen if DH and PILs take over, and you might have fewer scheduled outings and healthy snacks if you leave the organising to them.

I don’t lack sympathy for you and I definitely think a fairer division of labour is required here. But I also think maybe you could go with the flow a bit more.

Obviously too late for this year, but would a different type of holiday altogether be an option next year? Maybe without PILs, or somewhere the kids can just run around and play without needing to ‘do’ something every day? Or (and I know Mumsnet will clutch its pearls here) something all-inclusive? I’ll be honest: I’ve never been on all-inclusive, and I don’t have kids, so I could be wrong but I’d have thought some of the stress of planning and cooking meals etc at least would be eliminated?!

I wouldn’t even delegate - that way you are still in charge.
more like me asking… what is for lunch? Where are we going for dinner? What are the plans for today?
then take the lead on some days, but not all.
Say… when you go shopping can you please get me…
if the kids ask… go ask Daddy, he’s in charge today

Why don't you stay at a hotel and go all inclusive, no cooking, no food shopping or cleaning?

So don’t go.

I’d just say the holiday isn’t what you wanted so you’re having your holiday at home in peace without them where you can do what you want when you want.

There’s enough adults going to look after the kids so pack them off and have a lovely time doing your own thing.

Ah op, it’s lovely about fil, I totally agree, we subsidised mil too, I’m not sure how many holidays she has in her (not old but she has a wheelchair at times) and I’ve some pictures that I’d kill to have of my dad with the kids

You are making a martyr of yourself.

Pack for yourself and the kids. I never understand the drama out of lacking I see on here. Shorts, T shirts, swimwear, underwear, a couple of outfits and a few toiletries. Takes 10 mins tops.

Your DH can pack for himself surely?

It would never occur to me to pack for another adult or even older DCs.

Then when you're in the resort, just take a back seat from the discussions regarding meals etc. Let others sort it out.

I would get milk, squash, water, teabags, bread and cereal for the kids and that would be it.

That's not my experience of a holiday and I'm a single parent. Hotel, eat out, go with the flow. It's as stressful as you make it.

Get a bikini and wear a vest and some board shorts over it.

Don't pack so much. Your husband will probably be right on that, the kids are ok in the same shorts a couple of days running and swimsuits in the day time. Don't pack anything except for swimming shorts for your husband. (He needs to be in swimming with the kids). Tell him he can be responsible for that.

Not sure how hard it is to get toiletries. Surely it's just one trip to Bodycare and you're sorted including suncream. Make him come with you and carry the bags and basket. You lob shit in, he pays and carries.

Food. Send PIL to supermarket with a list on arrival. Just get loads of bread rolls and pastries and fruit. Some ham and cheese and breakfast is sorted. Eat out 4 nights at least, leave the kids with PIL for another 2 and go out with husband. Each choose a restaurant. That only leaves 4 nights to cook. 2 of them will obviously be pizza night, the other 2 bbq night.

Baths?! Apart from the 4 year old (and that's a stretch) nobody needs bathing. Your DH can supervise quick showers every evening. This is not your job.

Lunches - PIL are on lunch patrol except for 2 days when you'll do toasties. Obviously DH is entertaining the children

For the swim suit I also hate wearing one so I got a swim skirt and top that goes down to the swimsuit. I also have a fabric wrap.
Put an elastic bandage on your dominant hand. You have sprained it and can do nothing. You have called the GP but there are no appointments until after your holiday so you went to the chemist and they said wear a bandage and to rest it. You can’t cook, shop or clear up so your dh will have to do this now. Tell your PIL that they will be charged with helping your dh with shopping and cooking as you have hurt your hand and have to rest it. You’ll still be busy with the kids but hopefully you’ll get a rest from the drudge work.

@goodpancake you’re not just a good pancake. You’re a good egg. I really love how inclusive and kind you are towards your PIL. Hope you have a more relaxing holiday this time!

I agree

😂

Agree

Yes I agree. He wants the trip he can plan it. You could even fly out a day earlier and meet them there.

I guess it’s more important that the kids get to remember holidays with their GPs
Hmmme, is it? I mean how did you create that rule? Is it your own belief or influenced by a should/guilt.... Sounds like they've got plenty of memories already facilitated by your hard work how about a one year villa one year AI rotation? You are allowed to do things differently and make different choices...

I get it totally.

I told DH that holidaying as a mum of 4 is just constantly tidying up after everybody as usual, but in a slightly warmer climate.

He did chip in a bit more after that!