I can’t stand all the junk

If the stuff you want to get rid of is suitable to give to a charity shop, my local British Heart Foundation shop will collect from your house. Bin bags, boxes etc including clothes which aren't suitable for sale to the general public which they can sell to the rag man instead. Might be worth checking if yours do similar, then arranging a pick up whilst he is at work and which he doesn't know about.

Oh god this would drive me mad OP. I have a friend whose business is to declutter people's houses. I know it sounds crazy, and some say "just do it yourself!" but she's doing really well, as people just don't have the time or are too overwhelmed to know where to start. Would it be worth seeing if there is someone similar in your area?

Getting rid of the crap was one of the best things about getting divorced. I can't believe how lighthearted everyone on here is being. It would be a deal breaker for me op.

At least you know where your step ladder is, I've been looking for ours for 2 weeks now!

I do worry he will go full hoarder sometimes. Occasionally he does mad stuff - like today I took an unused but elderly paper napkin and a sweet out of a pair of jeans before washing them.

I went back to bedroom to pick them up and they were gone. Later I found them in his pant drawer. When questioned his excuse was - "they might be useful so I was saving them" Well possibly, but why the fuck did you think your pant drawer was the best place ? 🙄

Just chuck it all out.

Mr Monkey has slight hoarding tendancies so I am absolutely ruthless.

I have a similar OH, its draining and stressful

Luckily I do drive so I take control and get rid of stuff, both openly but also on the sly

If I didnt drive, I would bag it all up and book a cab. I wouldnt let that stop me

🤣🤣

BTW, hoarding is defined as OCD, it is an actual mental health issue. So you will have a real issue with him if he is getting into hoarding territory, but please carry on and mean it.Sending solidarity.

Does he have a space/room/outbuilding that is his? Ideally one with a door. When I'm tidying or decluttering, I scoop up anything that isn't mine or general household stuff and return it to the owner's space. DCs' stuff gets put just inside their bedroom doors, and anything of DH's gets piled on his desk in his home office. It makes it inconvenient for them only then, and if so inclined I am able to shut the door and pretend it isn't there... Before DH had an office, I would put it all on the floor on his side of the bed blocking his path.

Any bits and bobs end up in a box. I literally scoop them up, bag it if necessary and then ram it in THE box of doom. It lives under his side of the bed.

anything I can throw goes in the recycling or bin. I’m ruthless, if it reappears I simply scoop it up again and bin it, telling him firmly not to remove. I make use of random bins in the community and occasionally the massive oversized bin at work. I rid one Tesco's bag a day this way.

the Vinted stuff, tell him you’ll be taking them to the charity shop august 1st if he doesn’t manage to list and process clothes before that. You’re not doing it.

Hoarders or couples therapy

however in your shoes I’d send him off to relatives for 5 days with the kids and hire a skip, ripping through the entire house in one go. Get a couple of good friends on board, open up to them and ask for help. Everything remaining must have a home.

This is all horribly familiar, I hit tipping point with mine and basically told him it was all going or I would divorce him, and I meant it. I counted 31 black bags out of the worst room alone and there must have been close on a hundred in total. I now have a rule, nothing comes into the house unless he has a) a place to keep it, and b) an immediate use for it, anything left lying around is fair game for me to bin and he knows I'll show no mercy. Might be a bit brutal but it's still working 2 years down the line, I refuse to be driven to depression by someone else's mess ever again.

I know its better to rehome some of these items but I'd bin them to be honest.

I cannot stand clutter and it really affects my mental state. I find it overwhelming.

Trust me there is plenty of clutter in this house that I need to tackle.

Its so therapeutic to see clear and clean space.

Start by throwing all the broken or no longer used toys, colouring books, children's clothes, old computer (if you can turn it on, copy any photos that may be on it first) into the bin. Add to that any toys that are just too big and take up too much room unless they are played with regularly e.g. play kitchens and big plastic ones that take up a lot of floor space. Buy storage to pack away the remaining toys and shelves for the books. If the children want more toys e.g. Christmas, then declutter beforehand so they don't start to pile high again.

Do you have a shed? If not buy one. Put the ladder and all tools into the shed..

But OP...you can do this but if your DH is going to continue to bring it all into the house, then you really need to have a serious conversation telling him just how bad it is making you feel.

My MIL sounds like your DH. Her house is just full of 'stuff', she won't donate or bin anything and she keeps buying things because they are 'bargain' prices. Obviously when she has to store the 'bargains' in the garage because she has run out of space for them in the house, they are just a complete waste of money. She is completely oblivious to this and constantly gives me 'tips' on how to save money.

Put your foot down OP. He will have to start respecting that it is not a storage facility - it is YOUR home.

Bag it all up put it outside and call some waste management companies. Get a few quotes and go with the cheapest. Some quote high so make sure you get a good price. They will often quote from photos and turn up the same day. 95 % of the waste will be recycled so no guilt.

don't ask him or discuss. Do it while he's out if need be.

Put a half bin full into recycling, then a couple of bags into waste bin. Keep alternating over a few weeks until it's all gone.
I did a huge entire house decluttering about a year ago. I don't drive either. As long as it's small easy to break down stuff then crack on like I mentioned.

Same here, the stepladder migrates between the landing and behind the living room door, as he probably thinks I won’t notice it there.
Also there’s a tool bag that lurks in the kitchen and trips you up. I have fantasies of building a garden office for him to live in and changing the locks reclaiming the house.

Every fucking time I get rid of something either it comes back or more junk funds it’s way into the house.

I tried to sell a load of stuff at a kids market but he went round buying more ‘in case we need it’ while I was at the stall!!!! He buys shit second hand crap constantly which is stained and not even usable

Sorry to say, those sound like huge red flags for proper hoarding.

Ex was like that. In the end I divorced him. It was a question of the children's living environment. Hoarding is very hard to treat and I tried everything to help.

OTOH if it's depression or something, lay down the law, help him have a big clear out, get him medicated and insist it stays clear.

In your shoes, I would be watching him very closely to decide whether it was hoarding behaviour or just laziness. Laziness is easier to fix. But you might have to scare him straight.

Call a friend with a big car and beg them to do a rubbish tip run for you?

Bag of rubbish, straight into the bin. Some councils will take additional recycling stuff in a clear bag on top of the bin, see if your council does.

Every time you go into town take a bag of charity shop items with you.

Stained clothes, run through a wash and then dump in a "rag bag" and use for cleaning, kids crafts, garden plant ties etc".

Big box for tools and dump them all in there. If they're hard to sort it that's his problem, not yours. If he doesn't put them away properly then into the big box they go.

Get into the lift and throw enough crap out to make room for the ladder. The. Get it off the landing.

There's another thread in here from someone who has taken control of the sorting and is no longer asking/listening/or giving into her husband re the mess and hoarding.

I live with a hoarder too. It's horrible.

Stopped reading after shit stains
Take whatever drastic action you need. He will see how much better it is when you have space again. Then tell him it’s not to be filled up with more shit. Some people are not good at this kind of thing and you’ll need to be firm

He needs to think about why he keeps buying stuff.

But in the meantime I would bag it and put it in the car and tell him it's not to come back in

I've hired a skip before!! £400 quid bloody mind, it was better than therapy.

I filled it up to the brim and found my DH standing in it one day digging about to see what I was throwing out. 🤣

We were doing a renovation so had lots of other junk as well.

But when you fill bin bags can't you take them, so he has no chance of getting stuff back in the house?

I'd be doing more than screaming.

I would be putting it out with the rubbish if I couldn't get it to the tip.

And as soon as something came in, if it wasn't needed I would bin it.

How much money is he wasting?