Some people can only talk about themselves..

I much prefer answering via text. I can think about my answer and don't feel on the spot.
I remember at the start of our relationship, my dh and I had an argument over something stupid. I cannot argue at all because I just can't think quickly enough. I ended up just stood there with my hands over my ears saying stop. If we do have a disagreement, we end up texting because I can say what I want much more freely that way.

You could try letter/text/email to give them time and space to process what your saying. For some ND people any conversation can cause anxiety and that's amplified when there is confrontation. When I am feeling very anxious its hard to think clearly and be able to understand what's being said to me.

I have a friend who does this. The thing is, usually I don’t mind too much - I can sit and nod for up to an hour when things are normal.

Recently my Dad died, my Mum had cancer and we had another thing going on … and she still talked pretty much the whole time. This annoyed me more, partly because I have less in the tank to give other people.

I remember someone once saying that there is a social contract when you meet one other person - each person must be able to speak for at least a third of the time to have a nice time.

If it'd been a friend, I'd have said (nicely) to 'can it'. But when it's your BOSS doing that could have 'negative consequences'. lol

Luckily she retired before I did so I had a few years' peace.

In my experience, the person is normally a narcissistic bully. I've been on the receiving end of this twice, in employment. They are not interested in you but as soon as they realise you are a threat, they overwhelm you.

When I was a 'green' young mother and going to playgroups not knowing anyone, I was invited by another mum to have coffee one morning. I'd already had a good dose of monologue from her, but accepted the invitation. She spent the whole time talking about herself, didn't ask a single question and looked annoyed and impatient whenever I tried to change the subject. I decided this relationship wasn't going anywhere!

But when I next saw her, she spent ages moaning to me about having been to someone's house where they'd talked about themselves all the time. Apparently it was very boring!! Who knew?

That's not allpeople, though, most people are genuinely interested in the lives of their actual friends and family. It's the people who have strong narcissistic traits that couldn't care less and don't want to talk about anything if it's not about them.

I'm not sure that's true tbh. I'm often really not that interested in other people's lives, if I'm brutally honest. I am genuinely interested in some people (either because I love/like them or because they have intrinsically interesting lives).

But a good third of the people in my life I'm frankly not naturally that interested in and I do also find a lot of other people's home/family trivia incredibly boring. If someone has travelled to Russia on their own I'm genuinely fascinated. If they've just had new carpets fitted I couldn't really give a tinker's cuss.

So I have to make a mental note to feign interest in their kitchen refurbishment progress or their wedding (weddings in particular I find really heart-stoppingly dull) or whether their kids are succeeding at learning to play the electric bass. It doesn't come naturally and sometimes I forget to ask. I'm not ND or a narcissist just a bit selfish (and very busy and know a lot of people).

But I've acquired enough social skill and experience over the years to know that this is part of the currency of life and I suck it up because I would be a bit of an arsehole if I didn't. So I fake it and it flows more or less naturally.

Excepting ND people I don't really understand why other people can't fake it too. It costs nothing to nudge yourself sometimes to stop and ask someone a pretend interested question.

I remember as a young woman, telling my mum about a friend of mine who had just gone through a terrible experience and how hard it must have been for her. My mum's response? 'well I've had a terrible time too'

Ha! I need a guide dog for my mouth! I actually do that for other people but I just can't seem to do it 'from the inside'!

<Sigh> As long as we're trying our best, that's all we can do!

Elevenerife- too funny!

@Barold but I bet even though you can't help it, becuse you are actively trying your best to filter the chaos in your brain, your a better conversationalist then most people! :)

It's like what I mean to say, what I think I say and what I actually say are three different things. I always believe I've blurted the 'knobby' thing. Thankfully my partner acts like my 'guide dog' for my mouth and it's never quite as bad as I think!

I just think people have a lot going on and have their own lives so they often don't remember a lot of what acquaintances tell them. Which is fine if it's quick chit chat in passing and they ask about your kids to be polite but it's a bit annoying when someone is asking me to look up recipes for them or write down skincare products. I think she just asks me as a sort of social bonding or maybe she really does intend to, who knows.

That's terrible they aren't friends. How are you doing now?

Appreciate you being gentle with me!

I really do try (and I actually listen and retain info people tell me really well) but the chaos of my train of thought and the impulsivity of my responses probably don’t demonstrate any of that!

Have a relative like this. Whatever is going on for anyone else, this person has it worse.

If your dear old aunties has died, they inform you that their aunt was abusive to them as a child.
If you break a bone, they tell you they know just what it's like because they had a sprain once.
If you are going on holiday, they mention that they cannot go on holiday because of xyz ailment, and such-and-such an insurmountable problem.

It's soul-destroying.

That's not all people, though, most people are genuinely interested in the lives of their actual friends and family. It's the people who have strong narcissistic traits that couldn't care less and don't want to talk about anything if it's not about them. I don't think they're all bad people but some of them are boring and irritating - well unless you enjoy three hour conversations about eg their facial filler, which personally I don't. It's not like they even listen to any views you might have about it anyway.

It would have been amazing if it was the same person! 😂

A lot of my DH's friends are like this....my interpretation of it is that it shows a real lack of social skills. Very draining people to be around! I start of being polite then after awhile end up withdrawing from conversation.

I have a neighbour like this. he doesn’t even say hello, just starts talking about himself. It’s very odd. He’s a teacher so you’d think he would have some communication skills.

I mean, this is how conversation works. But it's definitely going to be harder if you have ADHD.

Same with my sister, only expand that to every member of the family. Her last partner left her because of it, and so did the one before. Obvs she can't see that though - in fact she's likely to project and describe them as narcissists. She is quite an extreme case of NPD though, complete with narcissistic rage. I think narcissism exists as a spectrum - we're all capable of it, but for some people, it's the defining trait in their personality.

Haha no!

Does her name begin with a J? 😂 I worked with someone who did this endlessly (skincare, I can’t cook).

ADHD with some autistic traits here and same!

I actually don’t really want to share anything but I equally don’t have the curiosity to ask many questions - I just hate inorganic chat. I find it difficult to get the balance right and can’t really figure out how to show that I understand/empathise without sharing something I’ve experienced. I basically can barely speak (and seem like a twat) or I say too much (and seem like a twat).

So I’m still a knob but I can’t really seem to sort it out. 😂

And, yes, I just made this about me. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I work with someone like this and initially I was friendly with her until I realised she was only interested in talking about herself. I would attempt to interject the conversation, she would simply pause to look at me then carry on with her own monologue. I now keep my distance as she is to coin a phrase an 'energy vampire', sucks the energy right out of you.