No to the Snip

What about the long term side effects of birth control, pregnancy, labour, breastfeeding for women? Or are these not important, just in case men have some minor complication after

He doesn't want too and that's his choice. Get sterilised, use condoms, or don't shag.

The principle of bodily autonomy is a really important one.

It would be just plain wrong for one spouse to demand, pressurise, nag, insinuate, demean or by any method seek to push the other into surgery they do not want.

Fair discussion is one thing. But its his body and his choice

And that matters, even when it means you don't get what you wanr

I never understand the oh no nothing near my bits thing.

Dh was in and out with a cup of tea in 15 minutes, then we went shopping. He went to work the next day all fine and dandy.

I even watched them do it.

If he's adamant he doesn't want any more children, I might suggest I'm feeling broody again to see if that incentivise a rethink on a vasectomy - but then I don't meet the bar of angelic behaviour demanded of women on MN.

I know.

I honestly don’t know why women were ever considered the weaker sex.

It baffles me seeing as how men get so up in the arms about the risks associated with a 10 minute procedure compared to what risks they are happy for women to take every day with contraception, pregnancy and labour.

It’s a good job women aren’t as cowardly as men otherwise the human race would soon be wiped out.

I guess OP could abstain then, that's usually the advice on here!

The nhs suggest that 15 in 100 couples who solely rely on condoms results in a pregnancy across the year. The risk remains with condom use and that risk remains with the op.

DH hasn’t been moaning. We’ve both made passing comments on a few occasions about how we preferred how it was when we were TTC. Then I would bring up the snip and the conversation would end with a polite but abrupt nope.

Hmm so it sounds like, while he doesn't love them, he's actually fine just continuing to use condoms?
If he was pushing for you to be on contraception that would be different, but if he's choosing condoms over a vasectomy then I'd probably respect that choice.

As an aside, DH tried to get a vasectomy a couple of months ago and the NHS no longer offers it in our area, so it might not even be a decision you can make.

If he is ok to use condoms (even if not his preference) then unfortunately it is your issue to deal with.

Some PPs are apparently clueless that female sterilisation is a lot more invasive and higher risk than vasectomy, that's an option but not one to throw out as if it's equivalent. There are many types of pill, and few health conditions that don't allow the use of any. There are also some less common options like the female condom that some people get on with.

Or, if he actually wants to stop using condoms as strongly as you do, but is hoping you'll give in first, that's crap behaviour, and yes then he should be taking one for the team after you've gone through 3+ pregnancies.

I don't understand the thought that a man owes his partner a vasectomy because she's gone through childbirth.
Biologically she's the only one that can do that.
A vasectomy is a choice, and not one that can or should be made by anyone other than the recipient.
Obviously if he's refusing to use condoms and therefore take any responsibility for contraception, then it's probably worth thinking about whether you're with a decent person, but his willingness to have a surgery (which can have side effects), is a bit different

DH didn't want to have a vasectomy, we used condoms for years and now I am old/menopausal enough not to need contraception. We kept up our sex life, over 30 years married, so to me it is not worth making an issue about if he is content to use condoms.

We had an accidental pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage that I really really struggled with. He had been really anti vasectomy previous to that but once he saw what I went through booked an appointment. It took 20 minutes. He had a little aching but that was all. He now has the benefit of having to have lots of sex to get to the 40 ejaculations!

What's the %?

Mine wouldn't want to and I don't want him to so we don't have the issue - but I don't think any bloke should be forced into it, any more than a woman should. Any surgery comes with risks of complication, he has to be up for it too.

It's a good job most women aren't so cowardly risk adverse. Every contraception, every pregnancy and every abortion carries a significant risk.

Well dh had similar reservations.
Its done awake. Didn't feel anything. Bit of aching after for few days.

He cant stand condoms,
For me any form of pill makes my hormones so bad im unbearable to live with.
Had coil issues prior.

It was the case of he gets it done or we don't have sex. Wasn't risking pregnancy. He then agreed and has no regrets

The risks of long term side effects are high enough that I will never have it done. Ever. I’d rather use condoms.

Condoms aren’t 100% effective, but nor is the snip. I know two people who have had an “oops baby” as their vasectomies didn’t take.

So the “tell your DH he will have to pull out in addition to condoms if he won’t have the op” comments are fairly redundant if those same people wouldn’t also insist on a secondary method of protection even after the snip.

It’s almost beyond belief how selfish some men are.

I can't be doing with these men. So now, after having three children, you are reduced to one of the least reliable forms of contraception or you need to go through an operation with a higher level of risk than a vasectomy. And if you were to fall pregnant - you body is carrying the consequences for that.

But he has some feelings about having an op 'down there' 🙄

youcan't force him obviously.

But you do need to have the conversation over what you will do if you do fall pregnant accidentally.

She's given birth three times and her body has been through enough, is that a reason?

I can't stand selfish men who would prefer to put their partner's body through YET ANOTHER invasive and painful procedure rather than try to share a small part of that load.

It is his decision as it is his body.
There can be issues - mine was somewhat uncomfortable to say the least and nearly had to go back for a second round. So I understand there can be concerns.
Chat it through with him about what his concerns and reasons are - and perhaps leave enough time for him to consider? I know I had to just settle into doing it (it only took a few weeks of time and few chats with friends). The he worry of an unexpected extra child was enough to then send me scurrying into the surgery.