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Original poster

Cocaine use

86 replies

Sandydune · 14/07/2023 09:24

My daughter is 19 and currently at home having finished her first year at university.
Yesterday my husband found a small bag of mostly used cocaine in her trouser pocket when he put a wash on.
We have had a rocky relationship over the past few years and a number of issues relating to school and behaviour etc. However, she survived her year at uni, seemed to do ok and is now working full time over the summer.
She is completely minimising this - everyone does it, no-one else’s parents think it’s a big deal etc. I’m not naive and realised she may have tried but I always made it clear that I would not accept drugs in the house.
She does not see this as a problem so I doubt she could be encouraged to seek help. I wouldn’t be completely averse to calling the police, but not sure they woukd take it seriously or it would have any impact on her.
She has always been able to make me doubt myself as a parent. However, she stays here rent free, has use of a car, I’ve financially supported her through uni and keep trying to build a better relationship even though she can be quite rude and unkind.
YANBU - you should be asking her to find somewhere else to live and take away the car and uni support given her lack of respect.
YABU - she’s right. Most people her age do it and it’s not such a big deal.

OP posts:
RoyalImpatience · 14/07/2023 09:34

I'm not sure where... Kicking her out and disrespect comes into it.

She's a young girl dabbling with an incredibly dangerous addictive drug.
Some sort of gentle chats and interventions... Therapy, family therapy shoud be called for?

ReaIIyThough · 14/07/2023 09:34

I definitely wouldnt call the police for 1 bag of nearly empty cocaine, they have much better things to be doing than this. But I wouldn't be having her living there rent free while she thinks it's OK to go and spend her money on that shit. Absolutely not. She would be paying rent, learning the hard way, and absolutely no drugs in the house with a warning that if it happens again she's gone.

DogUnderFoot · 14/07/2023 09:34

Sounds like she has too much money, to me.

If she has money for drugs, she has money to pay rent and more towards her uni costs. I also wouldn't let someone who thought cocaine was no big deal, access to my car.

Gerrataere · 14/07/2023 09:34

Some will come here and say ‘I know plenty of grown adults who have mad weekends and are totally amazing professionals Mon-Fri, it’s no big deal’.

But I’ve seen first hand how young people messing with drugs ruins lives quickly. The drug trade is horrendous anyway, but teenagers buying drugs are at much bigger risk of getting something dodgy or even lethal. Never mind more likely to have an accident or be taken advantage of. What she’s doing is stupid and irresponsible - you can’t stop her making these choices but I’d definitely say ‘if I catch on to you doing drugs again then our support for you is done. Go afford drugs from your own pocket’.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/07/2023 09:32

You e not financially supported her year at Uni, you've financially supported her Drug Dealer. Time to reassess where your money is going.

NameChange245 · 14/07/2023 09:32

I would say, 'well what you do is up to yo. You are an adult. But as your mother I don't want you to suffer heart problems, paranoia or any of the other problems associated with cocaine or other drugs. So i can't ignore it. I love you and that's why I am sad you made the decision to use cocaine'.

I would then say 'while I love you dearly, I'm afraid that as long as you continue to live in this house and use a car paid for by me, I will not tolerate drug use. Either you stop using or you move out and fund your own car'.

As my mum always said 'while you live under my roof, you abide by my rules'

GoodChat · 14/07/2023 09:30

I would reiterate your rule of no drugs in the house and nobody being under the influence of drugs in your house.

Superpinkflowerpower · 14/07/2023 09:28

Her bags would already be packed in my house and the police called. Its a class "A" drug so yes the police would be interested.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/07/2023 09:28

Of course it’s a big deal. I’ve known of 2 people one a teenage girl, who got addicted and had to have professional help to come off it.

GloomySkies · 14/07/2023 09:27

I wouldn't want her to drop out of uni if she's passing but if it were me - I'm very hard line about cocaine, the manufacture and trade of it is nothing but exploitation and blood - she'd be out of the house.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/07/2023 09:26

I personally think she shouldn’t be bringing drugs whether used or not onto your premises. It’s fine if she lives away from home, she can do what she likes but what if her next step is having a dealer call round with it.

I wouldn’t be happy and say I don’t want it in my house.