To feel absolutely mortified

Do you know what I think when I see kids running round like this with a parent unable to get them under control?

‘That poor parent, and thank F* it’s not my child doing it for once’

I completely sympathise as you do feel all eyes are on you when it happens, but I am sure most people will have been in that position and will not have been judging you.

Hopefully this story will make you feel better.

When I was 17 I had a job as a cashier in a discount shop. One Saturday, it was packed. A young mum came in, wheeling a pram with a baby, and holding her toddler daughter's hand.

The little girl started getting worked up- there were lots of bright lights, and plastic toys and sweets, the shop was very busy. She eventually pitched a fit and screamed

'MUMMY GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR I WILL PUNCH YOU!!!'

Everything screeched to a halt. Everyone turned and looked.

The mum just quietly but firmly took her daughter's hand and led her out of the shop. No toys, no sweets, no nothing. She did not negotiate with the terrorist 😂

I didn't judge the mum at all because her daughter misbehaved. I was just impressed by how she had her shit together and didn't crumble under pressure and embarrassment. She was obviously a good mum, even if she was being sorely tested.

It sounds like you managed to do the same, even if you needed a cry in the car afterwards.

You're doing great. You're a good mum. And yes, I still think of that story quite often!

OP, kindly, I think you've overthought this. They've acted up, the woman's snapped a bit. We don't know your children but cognitively I just don't imagine 4 year old was laughing at you crying. They were probably justs still laughing and being silly.

Gently, it sounds as if you need support.

I am fairly confident that is anyone was judged by other people, it was the parent being snippy.

Even then they likely all forgot about it approximately 30 seconds later.

You were also so focussed on what your kids were doing, you didn't notice all the other feral little darlings, any more than their parents noticed your family.

Op all parents have had moments in public where we want the ground to swallow me up. I'll tell you one of mine.

When my daughter was about 2 we parked the car up and went for a walk with the dog in a nice quiet village. Well she suddenly decided to throw an almighty tantrum about not being able to go into one of the gardens that we were passing and that was it. I had a big dog on the lead (he was good as gold thank god), and a 2 year old that I couldn't get to walk any further, I tried carrying her but she was screaming and kicking and with only one hand I just couldn't do it. I just burst into tears in the end, I was so embarrassed and tired of the constant tantrums. An older man passing took pity on me and walked the dog back to my car for me whilst I carried my daughter. I was so grateful but absolutely mortified.

What I'm trying to say is everyone has these moments and I can promise you others won't give a second thought to what happened to you today.

Go easy on yourself OP. You're judging yourself far too harshly. Most of us have had times when the children wouldn't behave as we'd like. (I've had dozens of them at this stage.) Don't worry, really, it's okay. Be gentle with yourself💐

It's a none event really, I assume you must have other issues going on as this really isn't anything to get worked up over.

Sorry this sounds like a really difficult day, and we've ALL been there. I feel really angry at the other parent for making you feel like that, there was no need to be so rude. Please try to put it out of your mind and remember that anyone watching would have been judging her, not you x

Exactly, don’t we all get the stresses of children?!

Erm no its then other twat of a parent who should be embarrassed.
What an absolute arse
Who does that?

Ah OP please don’t beat yourself up over it, I have one DC but I regularly take my DB kids out & they all play up including my DC. It’s hard to manage but most parents understand the trials & tribulations of having children so deep breath & ignore. You’re definitely not alone x

I feel for you but just get over it! Who cares? Try having an autistic child… you soon learn not to give a shit (while obviously doing your best).

If I saw someone shout rudely as someone I'd be judging them, not the person they were shouting at.

Next time though if the kids play up then I would calmly just tell them their behaviour isn't good enough and so we are going to leave. If they don't get exactly the right size uniform then they'll know why. Get it a bit bigger so they'll definitely have room to grow.

Forgot to add, anyone judging a stressed mum isn’t worth worrying about

After school kids are tired by this time in the term. Just go to the uniform shop once they have broken-up. My two always used to grow so much during the holidays 😂

I agree with this.
You said you’ve never cried in front of your kids before.
I can imagine that seeing you cry surprised them and possibly also freaked them out a bit and they didn’t know how to react.
Please don’t give yourself a hard time.
As someone else said, it’s okay to occasionally cry in front of your children. It shows them that parents have feelings too 🙂

Ah OP we've all been there. End of term-itis along with humid weather, end of a long day at school and just general hysteria. I've had to carry mine out of places like that under my arm before like rolled up carpets 🤣 it's embarrassing because all you can see at that point are well behaved children around you.

The other woman sounds unpleasant, although she may have also been feeling frazzled I'm sure nobody was judging you in that situation ❤️

Be kind to yourself OP. Your children were behaving appallingly (both old enough to know better) and you felt embarrassed and stressed.
Take both home, no privileges for the rest of the day, and an age appropriate consequence for their bad behaviour (missed party/activity at the weekend, extra chores if they do them etc). And they need to apologise to you.

Ahhh OP, you were overstimulated. Kids being naughty, crowds, a parent being rude = one stressed mum. You’re normal! Don’t worry! & I agree crying in front of your kids is teaching them emotions are normal and it’s ok. I was at a uniform pop up yesterday and picked up a pair of shorts off a random pile to look at, another mum said ‘errr… they’re mine.’ 😂 bit embarrassing.. and my kids were not angels that day either. Have a glass of wine and tell your kids you were really upset with their behaviour today and when they’re upset they wouldn’t like it if you laughed at them so show you some respect and don’t do it again. And then have another wine and forget all about it ❤️

Oh, bless you. I'm a mega-overthinker and I would have been upset too. I can guarantee, though, that every single one of those mothers will have been embarrassed by their kids' behaviour at least once, and most will just have thought 'There but for the grace of God....' Sometimes kids, especially siblings, feed off each other's misbehaviour and just get beyond themselves. Unless you screeched and swore and smacked them, you have nothing to feel mortified about - you did your best to calm them down, and in your flustered state you accidentally missed that the sales assistant was serving someone else. There was no malice in that, and the other mum was probably stressed as well and over-reacted because she was desperate to get out of there before her kids started kicking off.

This helps me: think about a time when you've been embarrassed. If you're anything like me, you'll have loads. Now, think about a time when someone else was embarrassed. You'll probably struggle to remember any, which shows that other people don't remember these situations anywhere near as vividly as you do. The other mums will probably have forgotten all about it by now. Be kind to yourself and try to do the same - distract yourself every time the memory arises, make the colours and sounds of it dimmer and further away, and it will eventually lose its power.

(I would be having words with a child who laughed at me crying, though).

To add, my daughter loves to embarrass me. She told the whose of Boots very loudly that I had my period and the optician that I fancied him. I just shrug it off am so used to it now xx

I bet the other mums were thinking horrible woman, at the woman who shouted at you. I would have. Xx

Christ it happens to us all. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Next time abandon mission, and tell the kids there going straight home to bed.