Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

We are also adoptive parents and all other parents aware. Why should our children have to keep excluding themselves from things just so a photo can be posted by another parent. Our kids typically have low self esteem anyway let alone having to be not allowed in group photos. Both have significant issues so normal day to day can be difficult enough.

My grandson was adopted from care and his mum was advised no photos on SM by social services. She had lots of conversations with parents/photographers about excluding him.

This is the thing I find strange. Why would your DH be ok with the photos when he knows they are potentially endangering your children?

Gee, you're a real "peach". NOT! Disgusting is the kindest word I can think of right now to describe your behavior. 💩🙅😡🙄

You clearly didn’t bother reading the OP’s posts.

These scenarios crop on MN periodically and the child is question is always at risk due to adoption/leaving care or risk of abuse. I’ve never seen one that said “oh I don’t want Jane’s face on social media in case she’s embarrassed”. These threads always have serious issues in and these threads always have patronising, selfish posters who totally miss the point.

I’m a teacher and a parent. My children’s school say the same thing. My school says the same thing. I only share pictures with my child on them or of another child where I’m friends with their parent and where we would likely tag in photos to share with each other. School knows which children don’t have permission but parents don’t so the only photos I share of other kids I’m less familiar with are ones the school has publicly shared on their social media. Occasionally I’ll share with close family some of the pictures with other kids on but make it clear they’re not for public showing. For example my sister lives at the other side of the world so I do share with her privately.

I am slightly shocked that your DH doesn’t feel the same if you’ve adopted your children together. I’d never show pictures of children I know where there may be issues around them being found. Surely your DH should know this and back you up. It is personal to share but it’s your story to share and sometimes that lived experience is what makes people listen.

She should be reported to her employer and professional body.

I was just thinking that this type of behaviour against all written policy and the law of the land re confidentiality and data protection would be a sackable offence in health care

Teachers being similarly careless regarding chikdren's express need for privacy expressed via their oarents should be reported.

As for parents doing this local news channels are always looking for news stories to send their reporters to investigate the issue I think pp shoukd contact them... name and shame the parents doing it and the schools turning a blind eye.

It's an appalling safeguarfing risk

Never mind them. They're just an 'except' an afterthought. People with absolutely no knowledge of this are in a good place to tell us ahout how big a risk it is, didn't you know.

Another one dismissing peoples experiences and being utterly disrespectful to people.

Do you think people make it up for fun?

YANBU for not wanting your childrens pictures posted online, your choice for privacy should be respected.

YABU for wanting to apologise and saying you are 'that'parent. You shouldnt have to apoligise for prioritising your childs safety. And, 'that' parent is the dick-head that shared the photo.

I wouldn't rely on the school either. I've had a negetive experience with my DC's school, my reasons for privacy weren't satisfactory for the safeguarding officer and she felt it necessary to belittle us as parents.

The school uploaded a picture to their social media which contained one of my DC without consent AND after being told that there was no consent for them to do this!

A parent took a screenshot of a christmas concert DVD and shared that to the school FB - so it can and does happen!

DS managed to get into the class and school photos because he thought the pictures were for the school displays. The teachers just forgot that he wasn't supposed to be in group school photos.

Another parent recorded a video of her DC in a sports and uploaded it to a private facebook messaging group all the other kids in the class were also in the video including DS.

DC will be having sick days when the school photographer is in next time because I cant trust that the school will remember to respect our privacy choices. Not only that, the school has chosen to accept the privacy policy made by the photographer which on reading I would never agree to in a million years! Who the fuck needs to keep photos of school children indefinately??

It doesnt matter if the profile isn't public or if its a private group, there are still dick-heads that think because an image is in these groups then they have the right by-proxy to re-share anywhere they feel like. And how many of us know everyone in these groups?

Don't underestimate how stupid/selfish/ignorant people can be! The dick-heads are everywhere!

You were not unreasonable at all OP, photos of other people's children being shared or even being taken has been a no no for years like team photos when my lads were playing football at best had to ask permission from other parents to take a pic fortunately wasn't as much social media as now. But it was for safeguarding reasons such as yours , surprised at your husband's reaction , its a shame you had to explain your reasoning as obviously its a very private matter , I hope the parent involved was apologetic , I also think it's up to the school to be more strict, sure you are not the only one who has an issue.

PeachesOnTheBeaches I am shocked by your response. Its not always easy to make sure your child not in a photo especially at school, but you would expect people to respect rules on safeguarding why does anyone need to share on social media their child's whole class

Did you read the reason why OP needed the photo removed and you understand that sharing photos of other people’s children without permission is against all school rules. It’s a very selfish outlook you have

You're calling the op picky because she's protecting the lives of her children?? Wtf. This makes me think you're a live social media or die person. Where your own identity depends on sharing everything on socials. It's been long established now we don't share photos of other people's kids on social media exactly for thr reason of adopted children. They are at risk for many things if identified. Wow just wow👌

Your reasons are perfectly understandable.

At my sons school, if any pictures are shared by the teacher on the app, any child who’s parents haven’t approved their child being on pictures have their faces covered with a circle or star.

I took a video of my son yesterday at a show they did in school which is hilarious but I haven’t posted this on Facebook as there are other children on there.

The school do have a Facebook page and they do post on there sometimes but you have to have consented to this before they start school but I still wouldn’t share a class video/pic myself out of respect for the other children and their parents. Some people don’t like their lives all over Social Media and that’s ok.

You mean unless the children are like the very children the entire thread is about…

We had a policy of 'absolutely no photography' when my eldest started at primary, and it carried on until he left yr6 as his friend was at risk. Now, they allow photographs and videos and always say please keep them off social media. Most people follow the rule. The school uploads any official photos to their Facebook, class dojo etc (with consent) and often edit out any children that haven't consent or are at risk.

I would think your school needs the same policy, as safeguarding and keeping your children safe are surely part of the adoption process. Your DH should be on board.

I’ve not said otherwise. Just rationalising that it isn’t the risk people claim or think it is…..unless other circumstances exist such a child in care or protective order

Exactly. It's standard practice, rightly so, that photos of children are not displayed anywhere, obviously including online, without parents's consent, and I would add, as soon as they're old enough chidren should ask too.

Multiple reaaons for caution with using any images online. People are naiive if they think it's a fuss about nothing.
The images can be used by abusers. There's people who may be in witness protection, custody issues, all sorts

I don't think so to be honest. That poster wrote

due to a safety issue similar to yours we could t take ANY photos of one of our dc class at all and I just wasn’t having that. I took them anyway and refused to delete them

She knew the reason for no photos was to ensure a child's safety, but she took photos anyway and refused to delete them. That to me is the height of entitled, selfish ignorance, to think that your want to have photos of your kid at school is more important than a child's safety, just blows my mind.

Schools can only do this with permission from parents though.

You were right (another adopter), personally I’ve felt being quite open has been quite positive for us in many ways but we do have nice parents in our year group. I’m quite a private person anyway and don’t understand why people feel the need to share so much on social media so it’s also the principle of it, nobody has the right to share images of others without consent, but especially children. Hopefully being open will mean you don’t have to keep doing this in future!

Jumped the gun a bit there. The PP only took a photo onto her phone.
That said she could have phrased it better to sound less ignorant.

Wow you're nearly as selfish as peaches then, aren't you? You 'just weren't having that?' because you want 'photos of key moments'? Don't you think adopters might like photos of 'key moments' that they don't have, like newborn photos? Take photos of key moments of your kid in their first uniform or whatever, but anyone thinking their want for photos should override a child's safety needs to have a word with themselves

Mention it to the school. Ours used to make an announcement because we had children whose lives were at risk if their parents knew where they were. The school can make an announcement saying no photos at all or that photos may only contain their children. People seem to be a bit more mindful then.

Is that supposed to help?

OP feels as she does because of how other people behave not because she behaved in a perfectly normal way.