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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why your marriage ended?

31 replies

Hotsaucehot · 10/07/2023 21:06

How did you know it was the end? Was it a long time coming or sudden? Anything that helped to make it clearer?

Been in an extremely rough patch for 2 years now, wondering when to call it a day…

OP posts:
TheFoz · 10/07/2023 22:06

If you can afford to leave then leave. Do not waste your life in an unhappy relationship. I left with literally the clothes on my back.

The straw that broke the camels back for me was his behaviour in front of my child (not his child). He roared and screamed and shouted at me. We went for counselling a couple of weeks later and I told him how it had effected her. He didn’t agree with what I was saying and said he’d behave in the same way again. So in effect he made the decision for me.

Original poster
Hotsaucehot · 10/07/2023 22:02

Omg that’s horrendous so sorry @GwinCoch . I hope you got your novel back.

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 10/07/2023 22:01

Mine was sharp and not sweet. He cheated, so I left. All very double ick as we both worked for the same company and most people had come to our wedding. Not your situation, I know, but there were red flags. I was away with work and he cut into the body-coloured bumper of my car to attach a tow hitch because he wanted to use my car to tow his jet ski. He had a car, just didn’t want to ruin the bumper. I had told him NOT to do it because of the insurance on the car. Also he deleted my novel from my computer to install Medal of Honour. There was a lot of disrespect before his cheating, I should have seen it. In 2020 he sent me a message via LinkedIn apologising (we divorced - I paid for it - in 2007). To be honest it feels like it happened to someone else, plus he said he ‘was so much younger then’ - you were 37 you twat! One thing I would say is that there is nothing like freedom, not having to second guess and not having to live on terms that make you miserable. Xxx

Original poster
Hotsaucehot · 10/07/2023 21:55

Thank you both.

@DustyLee123 this sounds like us tbh in terms of the housemates situation ( though we are in our thirties not not near retirement yet). Can I ask what advice you would you give your past self?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 10/07/2023 21:44

I’m still married, but we live together as house mates. Separate rooms, not had sex for about 3 years, no affection at all.
For me, it was death by a thousand cuts. He spent some money on something I wouldn’t have agreed to, and he knew it so he did it behind my back. He never did anything about his ED. He has said several times he will cut down/stop drinking, he never does. He lies a lot. I find him quite lazy, he has never done anything like 50% since he retired, even though I’m still working.
I wish I’d gone years ago, when I still had a sex drive. I had to go without sex because he decided so.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 10/07/2023 21:12

Knew deep down early on. Just knew his behaviour and attitudes were red flags. Wish I'd acted on these feelings took 12 years but been free of it for much longer than that now. Whatever the reason, if you know deep down its not right for you, cut your losses. Neither can be happy otherwise and life's just too short.