DH is NC with his family, mainly his parents (stately homes) but also his sister as she is similar to MIL. DH’s brother we sometimes speak to but only civil, nothing heartfelt.
His family blame me for this, his mum has said I’m a “psycho and narcissist” because DH took a stand. He has told them over and over that all he needs is them to acknowledge how they treated him in childhood but they blame me instead. They also text him saying how much they miss him, but actively avoid him in family situations. I was the reason he stayed talking to them so long because I believe family was everything but they don’t realise that and have called me lots of names and hoped our wedding didn’t go ahead etc.
Anyway, DH used to be close to SIL so I tried to remain in touch (with DH’s knowledge) as I was concerned DH would regret missing out on a relationship with his niece/nephew.
Recently, SIL started a business and began messaging me for advice as I’m a Chartered Accountant, very senior, blah blah. I gave it and she took all of it on board and implemented everything I said and simply sent me a “thumbs up” instead of a thank you. I said that that was it. I’m tired of putting my energy into a family who hate me. It was my birthday recently and SIL didn’t wish me happy birthday, she knew and saw the stories from others wishing me happy birthday and was on Facebook etc. I always wish her and her husband, and their children a HBD and send presents.
Today, SIL text asking for more accounting advice. Realising she hadn’t acknowledged my bday she put “ps hope birthday was good”. I haven’t responded and feel like I need to set boundaries, but I know the answer and feel guilty not helping.
Is she a CF?
YABU - just help her, family is everything
YANBU - don’t help the CF, she’s using you.