Baby’s dad refusing to have DS overnight

It's not about women and men, at least not directly.

Men and women can be absent parents. Don't want your kid? Then just walk away and leave them to their other parents, family or the state.

Both men and women can be the non resident parent. Resident parents can see their children infrequently -not always through choice but certainly if they choose this, as long as they demonstrate such contact as they do have is beneficial to the child.

Ultimately its the resident parent (who yes usually is a woman) who gets to pay for all these "choices"

How is that remotely relevant?

Why would you want to force this? He’s not being unreasonable that it makes more sense to do it when DS has stopped breastfeeding. It’s unnecessarily traumatic for him to be away from you and have no BF during the night while away from home.
Wean him and then nights can happen Imo.

You had a thread going about this a few weeks back right?

What's he taking you to court for?

Tbh you can force someone to parent and you definitely can't force someone to parent the way you want.
Has your son slept elsewhere without you? If not it might be a challenge getting him to settle at his dad's. I'm assuming he plans on him sleeping in a separate room.

@Ponoka7
It’s my ex’s stated intention to do more with our DS’s once they’re older and to opt out of bedtimes, meal times, sickness etc for now. It’s irritating and makes my life much more difficult but I’ve learnt to accept there’s nothing I can do about it. If I could have got him to take an equal role in parenting we’d probably still be together.

I have to remind myself that I do want my children to have a good relationship with their dad and enjoy trips out with him etc. even if it’s infuriating that the extent of his parenting is these random fun trips and buying them the occasional present. And I wouldn’t be keen on the other extreme of very young children living 50/50 between two homes either.

I don’t think there’s any rush for a 17m old breastfed baby to stay overnight with her dad though particularly if the dad’s not bothered. I completely get needing a break but overnights are unlikely to benefit the child. Little and often is meant to be best for contact at that age. So I’d say every other weekend might be a bit too much of a gap.

It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to go to court over. Going to court should be the absolute last resort- it’s very expensive, tends to lead to an inflexible solution which suits no one very well and destroys whatever co-parenting relationship you have.

Go and read the NatWest thread!

Man has baby in a short relationship lives miles away and he’s taken 6 month paternity leave fully paid and isn’t spending that time with the child! You couldn’t make it up.

OP can you clarify?

Do you want him to take him overnight or not?

And why does he want to take you to court?

So are you wanting ex to have ds overnight or not bothered? Why would ex be saying he will take you to court if he is content with the access he has and doesn't want to increase it? Sorry a bit confused.

@Snotfaces sorry was typing and sorting something at same time 😁. I meant capacity, as in ability to be emphatic to an upset child. If he is of the view a child that young just goes to bed without some level of parenting I would be nervous of his caring ability.

I’m not bothered either way if he stays over ignite or not

OP if you are not bothered if he had him over night or not what is your issue ?

If baby is still waking and breastfeeding, I'm not sure if it is fair to make them stay somewhere who can't meet their current needs. As he will be breastfed with you, inconsolable with dad while he can't be soothes how he normally is, then back to being soothed and breastfed by you, then left without that comfort, then back with you receiving that comfort. Is that fair on the child.

I agree a few hours a week isn't enough, but I think until you stop breastfeeding he should not have him overnight.

I’m so confused by the whole thing. You want to force your ex to look after the baby? I wouldn’t be any anyone reluctant looking after my child as I would be worried about the level of care

Take you to court for what? To make you stop bf?!

They don't want to put in the work. Suddenly when they are toilet trained and kick a football, be left to play in soft play etc then they play super dad. Unfortunately because we put less pressure/responsibility on men, them doing the minimal often doesn't make a difference to the bond and relationship as long as they start showing up from five, or be a fun Dad later on.

Have you explained he'll owe less maintenance if he does a certain number of nights a year? That often kicks them into action surprisingly...

Have you asked what he actually wants from court?

I am reading your posts as you want court to enforce overnight access. That won't happen. The court can only secure agreement of access it can't enforce it.

If his dad is not going to parent at night how happy Would you be that he has capacity. It's not fair but what is in your child's best interests?

This is why it’s the woman who gets shafted, she has no choice and the dad just skips out of all the school runs, over nights and weekends, leaving the mum no time for a job, social life or time for herself whilst men are not affected by these things at all if they don’t want to be.

There would be uproar if women refused nights like men do. Of course if his an idiot this is proffered but most men just don’t want kids to interfere with their own selfish needs.

There's plenty of dads who don't even know their kids because they can't be arsed. I don't think forcing stay overs is good for either of them if it's not what they want.

He has a 3 bed flat but would rather rent out every single room 🤦‍♀️ honestly I wish there was a way to make him but 6 years later he is still doing it