DD's uni costs

I'm a big tennis fan and I can't think of a professional player at all recently who makes a reasonable but didn't go pro until after 23 (presumably later since she is just starting another degree) - the closest I can think of are the ones who played in the American university system like Amber Liu or Danielle Collins which is of a much higher standard than the UK equivalent. I don't think it's realistic to think she still has a decent shot (no pun intended) at a pro career. At this point, it's a hobby.

Sounds like you are over compensating a bit here. It's good to be independent and try hard. You sound justifiably proud of what you have achieved and what you can give your children. Would you feel the same if you hadn't struggled, if your parents had paid for everything and you had no financial independence? Are you providing excessive cash for your daughter because it benefits her or because it makes you feel good? There are a lot of dissatisfied millennials about for this reason.

Personally I'd support the sport but not top up her loan as she's already getting a very generous amount from grandparents.

I know many children who have much more than my children do.

I'm sure you do, OP, but in order to gain some perspective you should be measuring what they have against the children who have less.

It’s irrelevant what it is, whether it’s designer clothes or holidays and private coaching, the fact is the same - your DD didn’t say she would work hard for them, she said if she didn’t have nice things then she wouldn’t work hard anymore! That’s pretty much the definition of spoiled and entitled.

Ifs not about how much money you have, children can be loaded and spoiled or come from more modest backgrounds and still be spoiled and entitled.

Gosh I wish I’d put a pound down that’s what you’d reply because I simply knew you’d revert to a direct definition. Whilst I disagree with ‘brat’, ‘spoiled’ is fully within a reasonable assumption and opinion based on the information you yourself have given. You have listed how your daughter will be provided for to a tee, in many an unnecessary fashion and completely untypical for the average uni student. She will be in accommodation, fully paid for and well above cheapest option, she will have an allowance to make her comfortable, she will have her hobby fully covered - that is spoiled. It doesn’t necessarily mean she will become lazy or uninspired to work harder due to being spoiled, but the fact remains that this is the position you are happy to present to her. An easy breeze through what is to most a huge opportunity in learning true adult lessons in practicalities. I hope she appreciates it in the long term but you cannot demand others not hold a negative opinion of ‘playing on easy mode’. As many have said, it comes with its downsides - that is not prejudice.

So I posted earlier in the thread what my parents did which I think worked.

But in short, I think giving her a budget so she has to prioritise and budget would be a good start.

Also encouraging her to get a job to pay for more luxury things like holidays.

I don't know whether you meant it to come across this way but it sort of sounded like you basically planned to just pay for anything your DD asked you for, which I don't think is an optimal way to raise someone to become independent.

You’ve posted on mums net, you’re getting a hard time, ignore it! Each to their own, she’ll be fine.

I know this is not what the thread is really about @WarriorWalrus but I would like to reiterate what @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune said about a career in journalism. That's all very true and relevant.

You say your dd plans this career and pursuing this aim will eat up her time. Just wondering again, what has she done so far? The world of journalism is so so competitive hence the poor pay - bc they can) so if she is really committed I woukd expdct her to have done lots so far. If not, maybe she would be better to consider a different tack - the civil service as suggested upthrrad is a good idea tbh.

Your DD told you she wouldn’t work as hard if she didn’t have nice things! That’s a pretty spoiled thing to say.

You’re being ridiculous and using that word completely out of context. Your daughter hasn’t been denied anything for who she is or where she has come from. She never will, you are seeing to that. People having opinions based on the information you have given us is not ‘prejudice’.

I needed and learnt this a lot of prejudice against young adults from comfortable families.

I completely understand wanting to give your kids the best in life and money does help with that, but this comment is totally out of line. Poor little rich kids facing ‘prejudice’, because some snarked about tennis lessons 🙄. Get a grip as the old Mumsnet saying goes. Your daughter won’t know prejudice if it hit her with a racket…

If only that were the case. A privileged background is practically compulsory in some industries! Not necessarily to get your foot in the door (graduate recruitment has become far more meritocratic in recent years thankfully) but once in an organisation those who “fit in” are often favoured when it comes to promotion and the best opportunities. People like to work with like-minded people who they have a lot in common with. If you can bond over where you go skiing and your gap year experiences, I’m afraid that’s still a huge advantage.

got the answers I needed and learnt this a lot of prejudice against young adults from comfortable families.

Try telling that to someone living in an overcrowded flat in a deprived area ...

Gosh I lived with my grandparents and packed myself off to uni and got a bar job! This is like a different world!

Agreed. It feels like uni is being treated as a finishing school.

Gosh I lived with my grandparents and packed myself off to uni and got a bar job! This is like a different world!

Honestly, this is embarrassing to read.

I completely agree with PP that someone who has actually had to get through life, as well as a degree, is more deserving of a job than someone who has been given everything on a plate.

I have a degree in Journalism and English, I did so whilst working 4 evenings a week.

Your Daughter is very privileged but you're enabling her lifestyle - of course she can work (and I'm not talking a few weeks in a cafe!)

I feel like this is very 'Made in Chelsea' and not in the real world.

It is perfectly possible to become a pro in doubles without going to Roehampton! Plenty of recent uni tennis alumni on the doubles circuit. Lots of jobs in tennis too, without being a pro player - it's a great sport to invest in (especially for girls) and a great community.

Perhaps you could start with giving her your entire income each month and then she could decide what small portion you're allowed to keep.